Low libido?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Abru, May 14, 2011.

  1. Abru

    Abru New Member

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    OK, I think I have to admit that I have a bit of a problem. When I go to bed with girls I'm interested in some foreplay, and it's all very nice to be in bed together. But I never really feel like taking it any further. After a bit of caressing I just fancy going to sleep! Sometimes to please the girl I agree to have sex. But I dread it really. I get an erection but it's never sustained enough to go the whole way. As the relationship progresses my sexual interest seems to diminish, not grow. And then the relationship dies.

    I don't think the problem is a physical one - I'm perfectly able to have sex for one. I suppose when I do so it's not enough just to think of the girl, I have to fantasise in some way. I think if I analyse the fantasies they revolve around suffering in some way, and then orgasm is a release from that.

    So what do you think is the problem? Am I dating girls I don't really fancy? I've been dating some attractive women and I'm not sure I should realistically be hoping for more attractive ones. Do I just have a low libido? Or am I kinky? One girl even asked me if I was gay, but I'm not.

    I've started seeing a girl I really like and I'm worried it's all going to come to an end over this, so I'd be grateful for any thoughts.
     
  2. nurseharley

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    sweet home...
    hmm how old are you?

    are you kinky? i think that's a totally different question for a different thread. i don't think it has anything to do with this one..

    it could be that you just don't enjoy sex. if you say you really like this girl you're with then maybe you can talk to her and ask her to do some things for you that no one else has done to get you going a bit more?
     
  3. docpete

    docpete New Member

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    You just might be gay.
     
  4. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Could be you're not dating the type of women you match with, common problem. Hard to say seeing as how we just have 1 post from you to judge, so all I can say is based on what I've experienced and what I suppose might be common challenges people might face.

    I find that what turns me on the most is the idea that I can please a woman. One of the best things to me about sex with my wife is the fact that I can give her oral orgasms, she likes that a lot, and when I do I find I enjoy intercourse more than any other way.

    For the rest of this it's guesswork on my part, but you say you've had some really attractive women. I don't expect it's always the case, but I do actually suspect that being attractive can atrophy other abilities used to attract others...

    My psychology is that I do things for my wife and I expect to experience gratitude... If I don't make her cum, I know sometimes it has nothing to do with me, but subconsciously it's a little demoralizing. On the other hand if she wants sex with me or even gets into it, it really makes me feel like a man.

    Maybe these women who are beutiful and know it feel like their presence is all they need to offer to turn a man on, and haven't developed the kind of skills they need to make you feel like a man.

    Wild speculation here. Hope it helps, or if not maybe some more infor would be helpful like tell you what goes on in your relationships
     
  5. Abru

    Abru New Member

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    Thanks for your replies. I'm early 40s. I suppose it was better when I was in my 20s, although I didn't have a lot of girlfriends then, so even then there was a problem.

    Husband_of_redhead I've been dating some attractive girls, perhaps not really attractive ones. Your idea is interesting, but I'm not really sure that I can buy it - that the problem is that I've been with very attractive women who fail to attract in other ways, it seems a bit of a stretch. I can get attractive girls in their 30s. I imagine things would be different if I was with a beautiful girl in her 20s, but how realistic is that? I think probably I'm just too choosy, but I'm not really sure what the reasons for that are.

    Maybe I do have a bit of gay in me on some level? Without intending it, I do find myself living in an area of town where a lot of gays live, and I see them all the time. But the thought of any physical contact with any of them just appalls me. Please don't put me down as homophobic, but to be honest, I'm not even sure I've ever met a gay man I liked, as an individual.

    I know I need to talk things through with this girl more.
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I think you're suffering from low testosterone and may have been when you were younger. You needed to get tested for both total testosterone and free testosterone, and remember that reference ranges for testosterone tests cover a wide age range, so a 'normal' result might be normal for an 80 year old man! Your result needs to be at the high end of the range (my total testosterone is 22 mmol/l; which is at the high end of the range (20mmol/l-35mmol/l), and healthy for a 20-something guy, and very good for someone my age (which is why I am always in the mood!). Testosterone production reduces as we age, which is why you suffer from a lower libido now.

    Testosterone can be boosted by exercise, keeping a healthy weight and more sex. It can also be injected, if necessary.
     
  7. Abru

    Abru New Member

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    Thanks. I get plenty of exercise and I'm a healthy weight, but I'll look into it.
     
  8. Abru

    Abru New Member

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    Made an appointment to see the doctor to request a testosterone test.

    Actually, when I think about it, my sex drive actually goes down when I'm in a relationship. It's like the fantasy is much more appealing than the reality. That's a bit worrying I suppose.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    Don't forget that the reference ranges for testosterone cover a wide range of age groups, and the closer you are to the HIGH end is better (I checked mine and it is 22 in the normal range of 10 to 25). Feeling sexual when in a non sexual situation, no partner, would be normal (anyone, if they don't have sex regularly get very horny). Recovery from sex for the next encounter is what libido is all about.