Lost and gone forever?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by spicyred, Sep 23, 2008.

  1. spicyred

    spicyred New Member

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    Hello, I'm new here but I've been reading a bit and noticed you people give out some good constructive advice and figured I'd give it a try. I'm 28 and my husband is 27 he's been around the block a few times in his youth and well I really wasn't all that sexual with men. I had sex but never really got that into it. I've loved ever sexual relationship with women however. I've loved women forever that I can remember.

    Lately my husband came out after me poking and prodding on him ... told me that he cheated on me and it was only sex and once at work. Then that night he told me he just said it to hurt me or be facetious.

    Well to me that's just wrong and I swore I wasn't going to even allow him into my heart again let alone my bed, well here we are trying our "relationship" again as I do love him.

    In the same aspect I'm keeping my options open that he does it again or that I'm just a game for now.. and looking for a woman...

    I have 2 kids and one is with him so for the kids for a while we were staying together.. now we are having sex and well...

    I'm not really getting anything from it. I'm not sure if it's because of the cheating thought... the fact he's a man... or just the fact that I've been hurt and shut down.. I'm not sure.. but he seems to brush it off like all is well..

    For awhile he was texting her and finally I guess that's not going on anymore... I've always known I'm no goddess in bed "except with women" but he always swore I was all he wanted and needed...

    WTF???

    Am I lost and gone forever or is there hope??:uhh:
     
  2. vickisam

    vickisam New Member

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    Maybe its me & the oxycontin but can you please correct the errors, the English, and then maybe we (OK just me) can understand what you are writing and asking?

    My best guess though (not thought) is you should get out of a bad marriage, period. Its not good for you, for him or for the kids.

    And there is nothing wrong liking girls. I do too but all the other cards in my hand are good ones. Yours do not appear to be the best. Get out!

    Good luck and hopefully someone else might give you better answers, maybe the ones you are looking for.

    Back to watching the Jerry Springer show! LOL

    V
     
  3. Barbwire

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    That was just plain, rude. Way to welcome a new member vickisam. :eyes At least after you insulted her, you gave her some sound advice.

    Yes, by all means, spicy, please consider moving on. Your situation doesn't sound good.
     
  4. vickisam

    vickisam New Member

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    CBL - Its not rude when you write posts people cannot understand because your spelling is terrible. let me give her and the rest of the people here some advice. If you are going to write a few paragraphs, try writing it in Word, correct the grammar and spelling and then copy and paste it here!

    Sorry you feel that way but then just ignore me if you do not like what I say.

    I am not politically correct. I guess that makes me a bad person? Jeez! Rude?

    Have a nice day.

    Vicki
     
  5. Katprr

    Katprr New Member

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    Okay I see a few things going on here. One that you are at least in tone with your sexuality, which is a good thing. I am bi, but I can say I have been in a relationship with a women. That being said.
    Second off, it sounds like this marriage is very unhealthy; also, it is not healthy for the children either. Sounds like you both need to have a serious talk, you also need to find out if you all are going to work threw this or not. Cheating is a HUGE thing and very hard to even try to work through.
    I do not understand this whole thing of staying in a relationship for the kids that is highly unhealthy.
    In addition, why are you sleeping with him if your not getting anything from it? Sorry if this part sounds a little harsh but you are lowering your self-esteem in some ways. First off, you said, your no goddess with a man. Well you can only be as good as the communication that you both share in the bedroom. You are hurt and confused and I understand that, but if you are leaving your options open then it is time for you to move on.
    The decision you make are of course your choice, I am just playing Devil's Advocate a little. Also trust me there is nothing wrong with likely girls I have for many years, and I am very proud of my sexuality, I like both men and women.
    I think you should decide what is best for you and the kids. If you want to try to make it work then you all, need to have some serious communication, heart to heart. If your leaving your options open then it sounds like your done, and time to move on.
    Best of luck!! Make sure you make whatever decision you are going to is what you want and what you feel is best for you and the children.
    .
     
  6. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    Hi, gotta agree with the ladies above to be honest, this relationshiop does not sound healthy and as for liking women, there is no problem there. Saying you are cheating to hurt someone is never good ever and i have a feeling its probably true and he just regretted saying it.

    My advice get out of the relationship, enjoy being you and exploring your sexuality, if you end up with a woman or a man is down to you and what feels right so far you could have just met the wrong men and the right woman, but who knows in the future.

    I also agree that how good you are at sex depends on communication no one is a born good lover without their parnter letting them know what is good for them.
     
  7. spicyred

    spicyred New Member

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    I understand your position as far as my writing. I apologize for it tremendously as I usually take more time to think things through and write them, but I was in an emotional state and a hurry as I don't have much time to be on here. So my spelling and grammar weren't the first on my mind when I came to a forum to give me advice on my situation.

    Again sorry! Next time I will make sure to take 20 min on perfecting my writing before posting a concerning situation with this forum as I don't want to offend anyone who's looking for perfection instead of being a positive source for letting something out.

    Spicy
     
  8. spicyred

    spicyred New Member

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    The women I tried to be with were supposed to be relationships. I have been in one descent relationship with a woman that was long ago, but it was open. I loved her very much and still do; however I never could find a woman that wanted to be with "me" for real and not just a sex toy. Don't get me wrong I love my sex with a woman, but I wanted a real relationship with a woman. So I ended up with just sexual relationships with women.

    As far as staying together for the kids, I'm not staying for the kids.. I'm merely trying to give him a chance to redeem himself. Why am I still sleeping with him? Well he tells me I'm all he needs and wants and I love him. Have I forgiven him? No not really. In fact I doubt all that he does now, but in the same fact.. like he said .. if he didn't want to be with me.. why would he still be here?

    So I am lost. Thank you for the advice. I am further keeping my options open in case I get hurt again. He's going to the military soon and his family has asked me to hang on till he gets out of basic and if he hasn't seemed to have changed... then call it good!

    I just needed some outside advice on the subject again thank you!
     
  9. FlirtyChick

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    Spicy,

    Forget about the writing. I have seen worse grammar. As a whole, this group is not looking for perfection because it does not exist. Please use this forum as a source for letting something out. God knows I have.

    Anyway, it does not sound like your husband is respectful of you, and it seems like you are shut down because of the hurt he caused. May I ask why you are still having sex with him if you are not getting anything out of it? Is he abusive at all? How long have you been married? Are you bisexual, or do you think you just prefer women? Do you love your husband? The situation does not sound healthy, and if counseling (I will get creamed for this! :)) is not an option or something either of you want to consider, I would think about getting out of the marriage. Giving up is not the best option, but since we only know a little about your history it is hard to say what you should do. Keep talking. We will listen!
     
  10. Dreama

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    Enough about the writing, guys. She did a fine job, and I didn't have trouble reading her post at all. Anymore posts about the writing of the post will be deleted. This is a serious topic, and the OP needs constructive advice about her PROBLEM. Thanks.
     
  11. FlirtyChick

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    Thank you. My thoughts exactly!!!!!