Looking for some input

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by cincyz, Jan 30, 2011.

  1. cincyz

    cincyz New Member

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    Hi everyone! Im new to the site and just in search of some advise. So i guess ill spill the beans. Im 23 male and my wife and I have been married for just about 2 years and be together for almost 4 year. her and i love sex but i have a problem with my sex drive (at least i think i do). She also thinks that my drive is low. The main problem for me seems to be performing or lack there of.I have tons of ideas of things that i want to do but when it comes to doing the things i want to do i fall short. The wife asked me to go to the doctor and i do plan on going, but i want to ask around to see if anyone may have ever been in the same boat.
     
  2. Hot Wheels

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    Could be any amount of reasons mate......but at only 23 I'd be off to the docs and make sure theres no medical reasons first....
    Then, if that checks out ok.....come back to us and Im sure the members here will have all sorts of great ideas for you ok.....:D
     
    #2 Hot Wheels, Jan 30, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2011
  3. cincyz

    cincyz New Member

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    Sounds good to me.......thanks
     
  4. redlacesexblog

    redlacesexblog New Member

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    honestly, i'm sure part of the problem is that you expect that you're now going to fall short. hard to get fear of failure off our brain--for all of us. yes, do go to the doctor and rule out physical issues. but meds, stress, relationship strain, and several other factors can play a part. i wish you the best.
     
  5. backcheck64

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    Though totally possible, you seen rather young to have a medical based issue. It's probably more of a mental block. What type of personality are you, conservative and reserved, or will you pull a wheelie on a motorcycle at 80mph or jump out of a plane at 10000ft for fun? It could be a fear of the new or failure....or it not actually living up to a predetermined expectation.
     
  6. cincyz

    cincyz New Member

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    well im a very energetic person. im a very out going person and i do jump out of airplanes on a normal basis lol
     
  7. cincyz

    cincyz New Member

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    im going to go out on a limb and say if i were to have a mental blook does anyone have any idea to help lift that mental block and become more confident?
     
  8. nurseharley

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    sweet home...
    are you not confident with your performance? your body? (sorry if i'm asking dumb questions lol)
     
  9. cincyz

    cincyz New Member

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    well really both i have never been good as far as i can tell and my body well i wish i could put on more weight i have been 130 lbs for like the past 7 years or so i mean im fit but wish i was bigger. its not dumb at all lol
     
  10. nurseharley

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    sweet home...
    what's making you think you arent any good? are you not getting the reaction from your girl that you would want to make you feel like you were doing 'good' in your book?

    as far as body goes, we all have our issues. that's something you'll just have to learn to get comfortable with (easier said than done, i know) but i'm sure your girl finds you attractive just the way you are. try setting that aside and just 'fake' your confidence and see how that works.
     
  11. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    Two questions to ponder:

    1) What type of feedback do you get from your wife about your body, your "performance", her "desires", etc.?

    2) What are your expectations? For example, are you unrealistically comparing yourself to porn movie showing a guy going for a hour without breaking a sweat?

    I think understanding the foundation, looking at questions like these, is the start to addressing the mental block. Those blocks are usually there due to what someone has said to us, or what we have seen.
     
  12. redlacesexblog

    redlacesexblog New Member

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    first of all, know that you're not atypical. we all have holes in our confidence. sometimes, knowing everyone has issues helps us with our own.

    secondly, if you're 23 and self-determine your issues to be severe, then i'd suggest professional counseling. i can give all the advice i want. it's slanted from my own life experience and may not apply to you at all. further, advice can be damaging. i'm not a professional therapist.

    wishing you the best.
     
  13. Trond

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    If I may ask: Do you feel nervous or distracted when having sex? Then I think it's a mental block, or perhaps general problems in your life getting in the way. It could be that you just need to change your approach a bit, and try not to put too much emphasis on ideas in which you have to "perform" in unusual ways. Being relaxed is the main thing.

    If you feel horny and relaxed, but still without success it may be physical. Probably not terribly serious, but I would still see a doctor about it.

    Good luck!
     
  14. cincyz

    cincyz New Member

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    the feedback that i get from my wife is that i seem timid every time we have sex and she tries to help explain it to me but she is at a loss for words and i know that she wants to help me out as for performance she feel that when we have sex its like i act like this is something new that i have never done before........ does that make sense? and it do not help at all that im a minute man. my expectations are to please her all the way to an orgasm with out any toys, either from oral or intercourse. one of my real goals is to be able to have great intercourse for like 20 min, if i could reach that goal things would be much much better
     
  15. cincyz

    cincyz New Member

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    I dont feel nervous but its almost like i act nervous
     
  16. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    First let me say thanks for serving. Being in the army can be very stressful. Post my vote for medical help. From my limited knowledge of the services, it can be very difficult on a family. There may be some support for you in the army itself. It may be hard to ask for this type of help within the unit but try to find a counselor. We here at SF can give a lot of good advice but its no substitute for professional help.
     
  17. Aspen

    Aspen New Member

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    I don't know about the Army but in the Air Force if you want a counselors help I would suggest you go to a civilian place cause here there's a really long wait list to see somebody and there's not a lot of time for each patient so it really doesn't feel like we can help a lot so you'd get better quality and quantity of service I guess. Also from what you've said it does seem like it is more of a mental block then a physical one but see a doctor anyway. It kinda sounds like you really want to please her and you have goals to please her but your overfocused on not being able to meet those goals, I could be totally wrong though.
     
  18. Joe

    Joe
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    First off, don't feel like using toys says something about you or your ability to last. I could last for hours if I wanted to, and I think my oral skills are as good as any, but my wife still likes to use toys sometimes. They're different, fun, and there's no sound reason not to use them.

    Your goal of 20 minutes.... Yeah, that's probably a reasonable goal, but you'll probably find that your wife would rather not grind away at it that long. Most women seem to prefer actual intercourse to last for 5 to 10 minutes. It's been my experience that most start getting sore before 20 minutes, regardless of lubrication. Oral, on the other hand -- that can go on for hours and they never seem to get tired of it. Strange, eh?

    I'm a firm believer that if you're having problems with your sex life you should see a good counselor or doctor. Sex is too important in a relationship to ignore any problems. Talk it out with your wife if you can, but if that's too difficult or it's not working, see a professional.

    If it's a matter of technique, etc., there are some "how to" videos that can help -- not just in guiding you to better methods but also in opening up the dialogue between you and your wife -- provided you watch them together. My wife and I watched some of the Sinclair Institutes videos years ago, and I'd say they were well worth the time and money invested.
     
  19. Alwayslearningsex

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    I read all the comments and the idea is you want to last longer so I will say that you want to do it good for her and unintentionally putting pressure on yourself and this can affect your sexuality. I have orgasm within a minutes several times because of a few factors such as position and depth, and lasted a nice amount of time too.
    Your penis must be pretty sensitive if you are like me.
    There are ways to train your penis and it's available online, I just don't have links right now. Things I read are to train your PC muscle, the other benefit is a harder erection, I love it. The other way is what I call stop and go, this is online too. I LOVE receiving it and my pleasure lasts longer, builds up for a real good orgasm, you should try. It can be done with the woman on top and she stops before it's too late - I had it done receiving other pleasures too and it's just WOW for me.
    An other thing is not to slide your penis completely in ..... if it's as sensitive as mine because it sends real nice sensations that accelerate the arrival of my orgasm, but I give the occasional deep ones, but also where you rub inside can make the difference, I know, so learn that too.
    The last thing I can think of is that while you have a good heart and want to please her, take that pressure off and give yourself the pleasure during intercourse, enjoy your time, but hold back from letting go too quick, maybe pulling out to let the urge to orgasm go away before continuing.
    Depression, stress, certain physical conditions will affect sex drive too and you may go through an elimination process, be patient.
    With my ex - I was not happy with her - I ended up taking viagra but it didn't get results, yet I was turned on by other women I saw (just never acted up on the attraction gladly) and once home the desire and erection was dead, yet I masturbated a lot on my own. So another point maybe to consider although it seems not to be your case. And once out of my relationship, well, mister winkie has been pretty healthy, awake and alive.
    Sorry, all these ideas to pass on, could not keep it short.
     
  20. dreamer60

    dreamer60 New Member

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    Try starting a conversation with your wife. It should be about sexual fantasies and be done while both are scantily dressed. My hubby and I do that alot. It helps put us at ease. Start out across the room from one another and move closer as you talk. Make it a game of foreplay. Fore play puts us in the mood and puts us in a comfort zone.