Hi guys. I am new here, as my name states =P. I joined because I came across this site last night. I love how nonjudgmental people are here. I have a few questions and would like some feedback also. Let me give a little background info.. Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years now. I am 30 and he is 31. We have a great relationship all around. He started a new job about 3 months ago. It really drains him mentally. By the time he gets home he is wiped out. He works from 3-midnight. I work at a bank and can be scheduled anywhere from 8am to 8pm. Our schedules are a bit out of sync. Up until he started this new job we would have sex almost if not everyday. We are a very open minded couple. Watch porn together, have a treasure trove of toys and will both try anything to make the other happy. Since he started this job though we have trailed off on our sex life to once every 2 or 3 days. I know for some couples that is still great, but I like it more. This is by no means a deal breaker for me just a bit frustrating. None of this really bothered me though until I saw he was downloading something on his pc one morning and it turned out to be porn. I asked him what it was just to see what he would say and he lied about it. I called him out on it and he said he was embarrassed and admitted it was porn. A few days later I woke up early and walked in on him masturbating. His reaction was like catching a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. He jumped and closed the porn so I couldn't see what he was watching and got sheepish. He said he didn't want to wake me cuz I was tired. After he left for work I peeked at his history, I know I shouldn't have, and saw he had a bunch of bookmarks of porn sites and had been going to them for a long time. The whole time we have been together actually. Like I said, we watch porn together, so it didn't bother me that he was watching it, just that he hid it from me and lied about it. That really hurt. It really made me doubt myself. Like maybe I wasn't enough for him or pretty enough. I am honestly still trying to deal with some of the self esteem issues this has given me. Of course I got upset and was crying about it. Now that I think back on it now, that is prolly why he hid it from me to begin with. To avoid that whole episode. My first question is to the guys. Why not man up about it? And if he is too tired for sex, why is he masturbating? After a few discussions, I have finally gotten him to open up about what type of porn he is into and what he watches without me. It turns out it is actually more mild than what I like to watch without him. I have since then bought a few outfits that were like the ones in the videos he likes and he seems to really get into it. He says he doesn't really watch porn anymore without me and a lot of the bookmarks were old ones. I don't check his pc to see if he is telling the truth because I am choosing to believe him. If we can;t trust each other then we have no reason to be together. And trust was never an issue before this. He always encourages me to have fun and watch anything I want porn wise and masturbate anytime. I guess for me I just would rather have my man everyday again than masturbate. I still feel like I am doing something wrong that he has to look at porn and masturbate even though I am more than willing to have sex anytime. Why can't he wait for me to get home? He can't really have sex more than once a day even when were having it all the time. I guess I wonder if he says he is too tired if it is because of work, or because he already took care of himself earlier? I know for a fact he isn't cheating and is still very attracted to me. That isn't even a concern for me. I am even trying to let him know I am ok with the masturbating and he doesn't need to feel embarrassed or hide anything from me. This job is just for a year or so. Should I just deal with less sex for now? What else can I do? Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this book.