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Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Yvette0119, Jun 7, 2011.
How long is to long to have an affair at what point it turns into something else
That depends on the person you're having an affair with and the situation as a whole. You have to ask yourself how long you're willing to be in a relationship like that and if it's really going anywhere. Only you can know that
It can take you two days .. or it can take you ages
When the excitement thrill has gone and replaced with routine.
Huh? Maybe I don't get what you're asking. You mean how long can you be in a relationship before having an affair is no longer an option? Maybe rephrase it a bit.
she means how long does an affair stay just that, an affair. how long before it actually turns into something committed, etc.
A committed affair is laughable. Doesn't having an affair already show commitment issues? If you want a commitment with someone else then bite the bullet and leave the current person you're with. Also to answer your question, I don't think time determines when a commitment starts. I think it starts whenever both parties are willing to commit. So it can be a week or 10 years.
not a committed affair, i meant when the other party chooses to leave their prior relationship, then it could possibly become committed but that's rare. that's what she's asking.
Gotcha, but still sounds like an off way to bless a relationship. I can imagine the story you can tell your kids. "Yeah I was cheating on my dead beat ex husband when I met your father. After he left his wife we had a happy marriage and had you. The moral is if you're unhappy, cheat. If you find something better, leave." Bam, love teaching the tikes life lessons
Ok here is the thing I have been with my mate for 20 years and the guy is married too we have been fooling around for eight months. First mistake we work together and I was jealous of everyone women he talked to for to long my friend advised me to let it go or deal with it if I liked him so I learned to deal. Now it seems like he is always mad if I say something about another guy or look at one. Im wondering are there some feelings for me that he can't deal with and its time to let go I'm not getting him but the sex is so off the chain and I have developed feelings
This sounds so familiar to me because I have experience almost exactly the same thing. Both I and the girl I fooled around with at work were in relationships. I was engaged to someone I was very unhappy with. She got jealous of other girls talking to me in the office funnily enough, but not of my fiance. Well to cut a long story short. We had great sex... She had a bf.. I developed feelings for her so I did what I thought was right and left my fiance. With me now single and her being involved I didn't let the relationship continue as she was stringing me along. We are no longer friends as she isn't able to deal with her feelings... And didn't want to leave her bf.
And to answer your questions. He more than likely does have feelings for you. But you can't always have the best of both worlds. You just need to decide if you are happy being his side piece. Sounds nasty I know but its true. Make him choose.
I'm sorry but this is fucked up. Where are your morals? He's married so off limits till he's divorced. You're supposed to be, I would guess after 20 yrs, in a committed relationship, yet you're running around. Break it off with your partner, then find someone that isn't married.
And as far as working together...what are the old sayings, don't dip your pen in the company ink well....or don't shit in your own backyard.
Damn straight BackCheck!
Why would you be engaged to someone that made you miserable? Affair or not, why would you even entertain the thought of being with some that wasn't the center of your world? You just wanting to be divorce in a couple of years?
Are people so despirate and lonely they will marry of live with anyone just to avoid "being alone"? People would rather be unhappy and miserable in a relationship than be single? Are people that starved for attention whether it be good or bad attention?
Very quick to cast judgement you are... We were engaged for 3 years. In which she cheated on me twice... In 3 years a lot can change. I got engaged to a woman I loved deeply and saw myself spending the rest of my life with. At the end I left her... Not that I need to be explaining this to you.
I would have ditched her the first tiem she cheated, and no looking back. Maybe you don't feel you deserve better, but I will not tolerate it from anyone. Quick to judge, I look at it as making proper decisions, and never settling for anything less than the best. If you're making a lifelong commitment, as I see marriage as, it better be perfect, not OK, or tollerable. I dated my wife 5 yrs before I was comfortable with getting married, 24 yrs after that, we are happier and closer than ever. No doubt it will be death that does us apart. I still have contact with several of the women I dated before my wife, and I know I made the right decisions. There's now way I could have stayed happy with any of them based on the decisons they have made in their lives. You have to break a relationship down across the board, not just the warm and fuzzies, but every annoying habit or quirk. I never stayed with a girl that I didn't see a true future with, ran through 46 to get to the 1.
If you're inclined to cheat, then the relationship is flawed, why stay in such a relationship?
So true no one can judge no one and yes I'm married and have been for a long time. But I was faithful for 15 years he messed up and cheated than he let me se what it felt like for another man to touch me. Home sex is ok but just not enough I'm not saying that I'm in love with the other guy and I'm surely not leaving home for another man it's just the sex is great. I know work is not the place but shit happens. When and if I leave home its going to be for me and me only and right now I don't see me leaving anytime soon I love my husband but the sex just don't get it for me
I agree with the quick to cast judgement comment! She is one of the half of married men and women who have an affair or affairs, and if half of married men and women have affairs, what does that tell us of the human condition? Research tells us that many affairs happen in otherwise happy marriages, and as often as not as when the home sex life is good too. This being the case, affairs are indicative of nothing other than a deeper human urge that some fight, some give in to, and (it seems by your comments) some don't actually have that urge.
Getting back to the OP. My observation on the jealousy is that it doesn't indicate he's going to leave his wife or want to marry you or anything like that, it's more of a typical male response to the woman or women in their lives. I also understand your motives for having the affair, and I am reading he either arranged a partner for you or a two-male threesome or something like that, and that's when you discovered the world beyond monogamy.
The awkward thing for you now is if and when you want to break it off, you will be in proximity to one-another at work, and I'm not sure how you and he will handle that.
cbrmale, not often I agree with you these days but on this issue 100%.
There are so many unpredictable variables in life and one must play the cards we are dealt in the best manner possible whatever the circumstance.
Life is not a rehearsal for anything else after all.
backcheck64 is intensely analytical & practical disallowing emotions to cloud his judgement which goes with his personality type but this approach on life is not applicable to everyone including me. How I wish it were but then it would not be me!
I say peace to all those of goodwill.
Yes, half cheat, because they jump into marriages without proper assesment of their partners, they don't actively work to keep things fresh and passionate, or they are just douchebags. When you take vows, they should mean something, they are your word to this person. If you can't keep your word.... If the other person breaks that vow, simple disolve the marriage and take them to the cleaners. Then you're free to go after someone else. You have to analyze you life, step back and think about consequences, or you'll wind up in a pile if shit. No it's not always fun, but in the end, avoids a lot of mistakes and potential heartache.
As far as work, if it gets too sticky, press sexual harrasement charges. In these days of avoid lawsuits, he'll be fired or transfered to Sybiria, the the coproate world sides with females in these cases so the situation is gone. Then you can get rid of your husband and find someone that works somewhere else.