[Ask a Guy] limp???

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by GirlNextDoor, Sep 9, 2012.

  1. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    Hi guys,I'm new here.I'm hoping to find some advice when dealing with my boyfriend.
    I know sex slows down when you are with some one a while,but we went from having great sex a lot to him not even being able to even get hard.:ugh
    He is only in his early thirties.

    We have ruled out physical issues.He had a full check up,testosterone and all that, and the doc said he was fine.He told him it was psychological and gave him Cialis,and that works really great.

    The problem though,is that whenever we try to have sex without it,it is a disaster.Usually we start making out and things start getting hot,but as soon as it is time to either have sex or give him a blow job he goes limp.Like,no matter what I do he just won't get hard.

    Other times,we will just be laying there watching a movie or something and he will ask me if I want to have sex. I say yes,then he can't get it up.Then I wonder why he asked me at all if he wasn't even hard and it is frustrating.

    I have honestly NEVER had this problem before with any of the other guys I have been with,so I don't know what to do.I have been told I'm pretty attractive,but this makes me doubt myself and doubt how much he wants me.As I said,in the beginning he never had this problem.

    He says that it is not me and he just wants it to happen so much that he gets too anxious.He says he starts getting overheated.He can't take cialis every time we have sex,so if anyone has advice on this,it would help so much!

    Also,I'm certain he is not cheating as he spends all his time at home.So that is not a possibly.
     
  2. YOUNGBUC

    YOUNGBUC New Member

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    Im almost positive he has the exact same problem that i am just beginning to over come. From what i have read online, it seems he has Performance Anxiety.

    I had the same thing happen to me for a very long time. I was able to get over it easily once i knew what i needed to do. The best thing you need to do for him is make him feel comfortable and make him realize that there is nothing wrong with him and if hes not able to than you are completely ok with it. The worst thing you can do is freak out about it and make him think that its your fault or make him feel pressured you get hard. If he feels pressure at all than it is never going to happen.

    Make sure he is not masterbating, because when i was suffering from this i was still able to get hard and masterbate when i was completely alone.

    My girl friend and i just talked it out and i told her exactly what the problem was and she was supportive and said she will do anything i want her to. The first thing you guys need to do is STOP talking about it, dont ask him if hes going to be able to get hard dont make any sexual plans at all. Just mae him feel relaxed and give him compliments and make him feel like he is THE MAN, because if hes anything like me than he feels as tho is letting you down.

    Im only 22 years old and i had this problem and im completely physically healthy. i never thought i was going to over come this problem but i did. It just takes time and most of all patience.

    thats all the advice i can give

    GOOD LUCK
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    My feeling is that despite what the doctor has said that there is still some underlying problem. You have been together for some time and all was well before so I doubt the performance anxiety theory. The fact that Cialis makes all the difference certainly points to some physiological issue. I can say I have been there myself and understand both of your frustrations as it is neither a libido or attraction problem.
     
  4. Meee

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    There's more to sex than his erection. There's even more to sex than his ejaculation. When he asks if you want sex, maybe he's thinking about giving you oral, or about a long session of caressing and kissing all over. If the two of you have a nice, tactile, affectionate experience, then that is a "successful" session of sex. He might be more inspired at the moment to help you have pleasure, and less focused on just getting his. If he can't get it up, your sex for the evening doesn't have to be over. It might just be starting. Relax and take the opportunity to get acquainted with each other's bodies all over again. Don't focus on a goal, or on one part of one person's anatomy.

    As for the Cialis, it might be a placebo effect. Anything can affect a man's ability to get an erection: fatigue, sleep problems, stress, distractions, and many, many other things. If other aspects of his life get in order, you might find his sex life falls back into place too.
     
  5. 12barblues

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    I've only not been able to get hard a couple of times in my life....one was when I had zero sleep the previous night....the other times I was taking some bodybuilding type supplements...that affected my performance in a bad way..

    I have had brief moments where things weren't as hard as I thought they should be....the more I worried about it the worse it got....so I can attest to how performance anxiety can affect a man....and as soon as I realized what I was doing , and stopped worrying, I achieved full erections....weird how much your brain can affect you physically...
     
  6. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    Thanks for the comments! Sorry it has taken me so long to reply,I have not been at home and away from internet access.
    YoungBuc,
    I believe he is experiencing exactly what you say.It is good for me to know you were able to overcome this.I'm hoping with time and patience my BF will overcome it too.
    I totally agree on the not talking about it thing,although truthfully he is the one who usually brings it up.I'm more of a believer in distraction and just doing something else to take his mind off it.
    I really believe it is all in his head,because one thing I forgot to mention is that in the mornings,when he is still asleep,he usually has a raging hard on.
    So,I have been taking advantage of this scenario :)
     
  7. pbs

    pbs
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    Very insightful comments.
     
  8. Priapus

    Priapus New Member

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    This is great advice! Just enjoy eachother
     
  9. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    We do enjoy each other even if sometimes we don't have full on sex.
    I'm pretty sure this weekend he will have no issues though because he has gone two weeks without sex or masturbating so he said he is climbing the walls,lol
     
  10. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

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    Good....maybe he will be climbing you.....:lol

    If it doesn't work out for some reason, although I do hope it does, tell him to try honey goat weed.......
     
  11. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    I definitely hope so :D

    What is honey goat weed?
     
  12. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    Okay,a little UPDATE here for anyone who is interested.

    Two weeks without masturbating or porn and my BF was hard as a rock tonight WITHOUT cialis! Also,without me really even having to do much to him either.
    When he came it was a geyser! I have never seen so much...
    So I guess it is safe to say his problem was over masturbating.
    He got so used to the feel of his own hand,that he had trouble getting it up for real sex.
    Thankfully,he said he would gladly give up masturbating if it means being hard for me.
    He was impressed at how easily he got turned on and hard and said when he finally did come it felt really intense.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with masturbation,but if it comes down to only being able to get it up for yourself or porn and not during sex,you really gotta rethink if that is best for your relationship!
    A guy only has so much juice in him and if you use it all up,then there is none left for us ladies :(
     
    #12 GirlNextDoor, Sep 28, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2012
  13. 12barblues

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    It's horny goat weed....... An herbal remedy....
     
  14. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

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    What 12BB said.....herbs that are to help guys in the limp dick area, gets them horney.......but I have to be honest with you, Door, I am wondering how 12BB nows that............:lol
     
  15. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Well, see I had a vascectomy and I'll be coming up on the 3 month test when they check to see if you're all clear. In preperation for this I somehow have to get a sperm sample to the test lab, I'll have logistics to work out, but at any rate as part of the instructions I'm not supposed to ejaculate for 3 days. So that says something about the frequency of ejaculation where ejaculate volume gets decreased.

    But we're talking about erections. These are different topics.

    Saying frequent masturbation is the problem... Well, I think it's a matter of seeing a cause and an effect, but not really having cause and effect. There's deeper layers to be understood before you have a root cause.

    I'd like to recommend a book that's a cheap online download. "Lasting Longer: the treatment program for premature ejaculation". I read it and it really helped me understand some basic things about how the whole system functions and how I can learn to control it..

    The bottom line is that it's all stuff that naturally works like a reflex.

    Before I read the book I would say it's fair to say that porn and masturbation does have a negative effect on sexual performance, but it goes a little deeper than that. You see, porn and masturbation effect sexual performance because getting an erection and ejaculating are reflexes that are triggered by arousal. The frequent use of porn and masturbation affect how we get aroused. But it's possible to have a different attitude towards porn and masturbation where it doesn't affect sexual performance...

    For example, ever notice how many amateur porn intercourse scenes are under 2 minutes? If you watch "pro" porn it's longer, but how many cut scenes are there.. It's not always so continuous, but it's editted to make it appear so. There are of course amateur vids that go pretty long, and you can learn that kind of control.

    Anyway, that's part of my story. Hope it helps.
     
  16. army11b

    army11b New Member

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    There are a million reasons why a man has trouble getting "up"......

    Me, personally, I have very low blood pressure. I'm 32 years old and in excellent health, just genetically, my BP runs very low....... My wife knows this,and when we first met it caused a lot of stress because neither of us knew what was going on........ and i am also a fitness fanatic.......so, sometimes when I go running, or lift weights for a long period of time, it lowers my blood pressure for hours and makes getting hard nearly impossible, or if I do get erect, it doesn't hold for more than a few minutes. It sucks, because I am often at my horniest after a long run, but that's when I am at my least able to get hard:ugh

    We are both the loves of each other's lives, so we dealt with it, and now I would say I get hard 90-95% of the time now.......as opposed to about a year ago, when I could hardly stay "up" at all and had to rely on oral and my hands to pleasure her. Now, I have cut back on running to avoid these issues and it's very rare that I can't perform, although sometimes when I'm tired it takes me longer to get "up".

    I also recently quit smoking, and nicotine is a BIG time libido decreaser and hurts circulation. It also takes weeks for improvements to begin..........I have quit smoking before, and the first week or even two can be VERY rough and a reverse effect could be seen, I was not horny at all and could barely get hard........but after I was over the smoking addiction and my hormones normalized, I felt like my penis was 18 years old again! I am now in day 5 of this quit period, so I'm still kind of out of whack but in a week or so I should be in my prime again:)

    Caffeine is also a big time erection killer..........is your man chugging caffeine due to job demands or something else? Caffeine relaxes smooth muscle (which is what makes a penis hard), constricts blood flow, increases anxiety, and kills libido...........in short, caffeine is a HUGE enemy to healthy sexual function. I also used to drink coffee by the gallon, in addition to chain smoking and so I was working against myself......cut these things out and you'll see a huge change.