Later Bloomer with High Sex Drive

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by dogboy10, May 25, 2010.

  1. dogboy10

    dogboy10 New Member

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    Synopsis:
    I'm a 29 year old male, who was a bit of a late bloomer sexually. My first experiences came at the age of 19, but was short lived and left me somewhat unsatisfied. I did not have sex again until 23 when I met and dated a girl for several months who also had a high sex drive. This is where i really developed and experimented for the first time and finally had my sexual needs met. But that relationship eventually folded, and despite a few sexual encounters over the next few years, my sex life was rather dry until I met my current girl...whose now my Fiancee' [​IMG]

    Her story: My Fiancee' was very sexually active growing up. Having her first experience at age 14 and continuing to be very active her whole life (now 27). Admittedly, at her peak (late teens), she'd do it sometimes 9x a day with her BFs. However like most women she really didn't get full enjoyment out of sex until she was in her early 20s. She is vastly more experienced than I, however because she got all that out of her system, she feels totally fulfilled sexually and is quite content with her current sex drive (which i would classify as average to slightly above average for women her age). That being said she is still a very sexual person...and sometimes downright kinky.

    I love this girl and plan on spending the rest of my life with her. We have an AMAZING sex life. My attraction to her is off the charts. We both agree that sex together is the best we've ever had.

    My problem: Bottom line, I want SEX more often than she does. This sounds like typical guy stuff, right? And it probably is, but I wanted to examine it within the context of our relationship. She thinks the reason I want it so much is because of my experience (or lack there of)...that I never got it out of my system early on like she did...and that i'm like a typical teenager in that respect. Personally I've always thought of myself as having a really high sex drive, and have some doubts that this will ever wear off completely...but perhaps she is right too. Typically we have sex 3-4 times per week. I would like to have sex atleast once daily...and wish every now and then for weekend long binges where we just stay in bed the whole time and really satisfy my appetite. I've been coping with her frequency rate by masterb*ting several times a week also. Part of my reason for doing this is to deplete my "stock" and increase my sexual endurance too. The more satisfaction I give her...the more satisfied I am too...theres no better feeling in the world IMHO. She may want quickies 9 times out of 10, but I still desire for every time to be a marathon.

    Her problem: She feels pressured because I'm always wanting it. To the point where it makes her feel guilty...that maybe she's not satisfying me. And she is concerned that after years together...I might be tempted to cheat on her because I still haven't gotten it out of my system and need more sex than she can give. Sometimes she wishes I had just been a man-wh*re at an earlier age and we wouldn't be in this situation. Surely I have no intentions of every cheating on my wife to be...but part of me does wonder if I'll ever fullfill this need? If I don't get it out of my system will I eventually become resentful and unhappy in marriage? I've seen numerous posts on these kinds of forums from men who never did lose their sexual appetite well into their 30s, 40s and 50s...

    Further issues: My lack of experience in serious relationships causes additional friction too, because I'm not always "tactful" about asking for sex. I'm getting better at this though...but she wishes I could just read her "signs" better and know when the time is right. I assure you this is no simply task...seems like everytime I ask its an inappropriate time! And though she's aware of how horny i always am...she's not very understanding to these needs whenever she's not in the mood too. No sex...fine...then how about considering alternative means of pleasing me when you're not feeling good or not in the mood?...BJs, HJs, or letting me masterb*te in her presence or w/ toys or whatever. But instead her attitude is indifferent when she's not horny too. And that is my biggest frustration. We are very open about our sex lives, and usually talk freely about it...but I need to find a way to gently tell her that without giving me extra attention, then my needs aren't being met. How should I do this? And has anyone had a similar scenario where two partners have very different levels of experience and one partner feels like they have to make-up for lost time? I don't know why I feel this way...its not like she is going anywhere...we are going to be together the rest of our lives...but I just can't get my fill. Also, it makes me sad to think my baby use to have such a high sex drive that she wanted to f*ck 9x a day...thinking about it really makes me wish she still had that drive, that we could have exhausted our appetites together...or if only we could have met earlier in life. We talked about that once though...and she really doubted whether her younger immature self would have stayed faithful to me. She needed to be in this place in her life to be open to true love and fully appreciate me on all levels.

    In the end we've met at the right point in our lives...completely ready to settle down with one another. Are these worthy concerns I have...or should I just get over it...deal with normal sexual fulfillment and hope that in time I get my fill? Maybe I'll realize that I've had enough sex, and just be happy I have such a beautiful and wonderful partner by my side.
     
  2. HardRocker

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    You really need to get to be best friends before you get married. Sexual compatibility isn't everything in a relationship, but it is very important and can be a contentious issue for those who can't find a middle ground.

    You have to be comfortable with each other and not have these questions before you make the vows. They last a Long Long time.
     
  3. igor

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    Very seldom are sex drives the same, or remain the same. It will change - be thankful for what you have.
     
  4. dogboy10

    dogboy10 New Member

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    HardRocker...agree with what you say. This is not an issue though. She IS my best friend, and I have no doubts about spending the rest of my life with her. We are in fact very comfortable and open with one another.
     
  5. dogboy10

    dogboy10 New Member

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    Might have made a breakthrough last night...

    ...so she is on her period. I casually request that she use her toy on me, implying that i'm horny and need to get off before bed. She obliges...talking dirty too me all the while too. This doesn't take long and soon enough i'm satisfied.

    Then she made a comment to the effect..."Wow, maybe I ought to do that with you all the time..."

    I'm looking forward to discussing this with her in the near future, cause i think she finally came to the conclusion that just because i'm horny...doesn't mean i'm asking for...or need vaginal sex.

    It even turned her on to the point where she went ahead and used it on herself (with my lending hands and kisses of course).

    That being the case...I might be on the brink of 100% satisfaction.
    Time will tell
    :)
     
  6. Atlantico

    Atlantico New Member

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    Some red flags in your message (and I am writing out of personal experience here). You assume that she "got all that out of her system". Are you sure? Or more realistically she may have a diferent perspective about you, compared to the previos bf´s, more like you dont inspire her sexually as much as the 9x a day bf she had. She is 27 years old, so very young and her sexual apetite previously so high, is now lower because she got it out of her system? I dont think so. She should be in her sexual peak now. Sorry but I think that the issue is not only you wanting more sex, is her not WANTING it. That´s what should concern you. Been there, done that, so I think stay lovers for quite a while and postpone commitments.

    About her comment when she used that sex toy on you, I would read as follows: "Oh, so simple to satisfy you sexually, have to do this more often, so I can relax and unload his constant need for sex.

    You seem to me a bit romantic about it all, thats only natural, but you should also think with your head.
     
  7. Bohohippy

    Bohohippy New Member

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    Hey, my boyfriend is a later bloomer too. He lost his at 23 (6 weeks ago) to me.. and has a very high sex drive, I have been sexually active since I was 16 and only had a break from sex in 2009. Our sex sessions are really long because of our high sex drives. Usually mine is low but it's a lot higher around him and I think his is rocketed since well having sex for the first time.

    He has a problem with initiating sex, like basically asking if we can have it, he tends to wait for me to which can annoy me since it feels as if I want it more than him lol.

    Lately, he's started just gentle touching me when he's in the mood, if I'm not interested, I ignore the signals and he just eventually holds me, otherwise it makes me so horny I have to have him then and there.

    How about slowly approaching it with gentle touching of her body, maybe kissing her neck a bit with whatever she's doing (cleaning dishes, watching TV) just a little. You might find she gets turned on herself and is more sexually active.
     
  8. dogboy10

    dogboy10 New Member

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    Thanks for your warning/observations...but no I'm not making assumptions that she got it out of her system...those are her exact words. She got a lot of things out of her system at a young age. One of those being the need to have sex ALL THE TIME.

    Honestly I have no fears that I don't inspire her sexually...I'm quite confident that she's completely into me, beyond satisfied with our sex life, and that it's the best of her life. I say this with confidence because it's what she tells me all the time. She wouldn't lie about this...if you knew how open and honest we were with each other you wouldn't question it either. :)

    In these teenage relationships of hers, I don't know who was the driving force behind the frequency...but i know sex wasn't the mind blowing orgasmic kind that WE have. In her own words "it was just humping" and some of her partners were significantly smaller than i am (she might have been obsessed with sex...but wasn't getting enough pleasure out of it). I really don't think (even at age 16) that she would have been able to do it 9x a day with ME, she's too sensitive after even our normal sessions. If we go twice in a row back to back, she's out of commission for the next 24 hours and usually sore the next day.

    I talked to her briefly about the extra attention she gave me with the sex toy. And I think my interpretation was correct. I told her that I become upset and pout when she rejects me because of the way she does it...maybe my timing is off sometimes when i ask...but more often than not, she has a finality to her "NO, NOT TONIGHT"...and i explained that if she handles it a little softer and considers alternatives to vaginal sex, we'll both be more content. So far so good.

    Thanks for the feedback though Atlantico...!
     
  9. dogboy10

    dogboy10 New Member

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    Wow...sounds very similar to my scenario!

    You guys have only been together (sexually) for 6 weeks though...? And he was a virgin before you. He's basically indulging in his sexuality for the first time.

    Still, maybe you could shed some light on this situation. Having been active since you were 16, would you say your sex drive has slowed down at all? I see you are only 21 though...perhaps you're still too young to answer that question. My girl described herself as being very sexual, and borderline addicted to sex and later pornography...but because she had so much of it at a young age (be it not as good as these days) and also that she experimented in different ways, she feels satisfied. Like having no regrets. She only wishes to have experiences with me now.

    You make some very good suggestions about how to ask for sex, or get a girl in the mood. :)
     
  10. Bohohippy

    Bohohippy New Member

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    I guess I'm not, my sex drive depends on the situation. I'm at my most sexual when in a relationship and I have no sex drive when I'm single. My sex drive is higher then when I was younger tho. I do live by the idea of pleasing my man tho, so if he wants it and say I'm not feeling sick or really unwell/uncomfortable, then I'll usually give it to him. At some point (during foreplay) I want it too. Usually tho, when he starts slowly suggesting it, even when im not in the mood that brings me around =]
     
  11. Bohohippy

    Bohohippy New Member

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    Also, personally when I was younger, having sex was a way for me to feel loved/wanted... a bit fucked up but I was as a kid. Maybe she feels so comfortable with you and loved and such that she doesn't need sex to validate those feelings like perhaps she needed in the past? =]
     
  12. HardRocker

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    You mentioned some of her other lovers were smaller; when she told you that, could she have been implying she hurt after sex with you? Sounds like she really rides you like a wild cowgirl, but maybe she's getting raw. If she's out of commission after two rounds, maybe that's it. Are you lubing enough?

    As for her tone, I can't offer anything without knowing her.