[Ask a Girl] LadiesHow long is too long?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by hrnyhsbnd, Jun 20, 2013.

  1. hrnyhsbnd

    hrnyhsbnd New Member

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    It's been a year since my wife and I have been intimate. (See blog)
    How long would a "good man" wait before seriously searching out a mistress?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    A good man wouldn't seek out a mistress, he would order up divorce papers and do it right if he's that unhappy.
     
  3. hrnyhsbnd

    hrnyhsbnd New Member

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    Well, good point. But against divorce.
     
  4. 18wheeler

    18wheeler Member

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    Seek therapy, couples or individual.. Being against divorce isn't an excuse to cheat..

    Are you against divorce due to religion? Because adultery is a sin as well.


    Btw, sorry I'm a male, but read then realized wasaimed toward women.
     
    #4 18wheeler, Jun 20, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2013
  5. hrnyhsbnd

    hrnyhsbnd New Member

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    No, not religion. It's because deep down, I want it to work. I love everything else about her. That's why I struggle. At first, the kids were my main motivation when I took the verbal abuse... And the rejection. Now I hold on because of hope.
     
  6. Meee

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    Forever.

    Oh and I almost forgot:

    Nine inches.
     
    #6 Meee, Jun 20, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2013
  7. hrnyhsbnd

    hrnyhsbnd New Member

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    Lol. ;-)
     
  8. Mittimer

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    Being against divorce is a pathetic excuse to instead seek a mistress. Seeking someone to cheat with when you claim to love someone also proves your love is clearly not that strong. Either make it work, seek professional marriage counseling, or be a real man and do her a favor and leave before you decide your penis is more important than her heart.
     
  9. Texas_Red

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    This. Cheating isn't making it work any more than staying despite the problems. So you either try to fix and go from there, or do the right thing and end it. Accept that it's possible that no matter what, the right thing may be divorce.
     
  10. hrnyhsbnd

    hrnyhsbnd New Member

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    I appreciate the replies. I have not been with another woman yet, and will continue to hold on. My marriage and her heart ARE more important than my dick.
     
  11. Amature

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    I was married for more than 30 years to a woman that seldom wanted sex. I was diagnosed with diabetes and knew that my sex life would be dwindling to the point of eventually being non-existent. My wife didn't want to talk about it, and could have cared less. I thought about cheating myself, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't get a divorce. I felt trapped in a loveless marriage. I counted the days until my youngest turned 18 so I could seriously think about a divorce, but after she was 18 I still didn't seek one, so maybe I was wrong. Maybe I just feared being alone, although that's what our marriage was. Alone, even when we were together. I tried talking to her about our sex life and sometimes it would improve for a week or so, but it always went back to the same old same old "not tonight". Even mentioning sex made her angry. I had a heart attack in 2007 and we hadn't had sex for over a year then. We never had sex after the heart attack, despite the doctor telling her we could resume anytime we wanted. In 2011 she passed away suddenly from a heart attack herself. I have since remarried and have a loving, passionate wife and the sex is amazing. She tells me I am great in bed and can not understand why my 1st wife didn't want sex from me. My advice? Either get a divorce or learn to live celibate. But friend, you are missing out on a big part of life by not getting to enjoy sex with someone you love and WANTS you. And she is being selfish for not giving you what most people need, at least occasionally. Good luck in your decision.
     
  12. hrnyhsbnd

    hrnyhsbnd New Member

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    Thank you, Amature. You seem to understand my dilemma. Well, I've got another 15 years till my youngest is 18. The weeks eventually turned into months, and eventually the I stopped counting those, so maybe celibacy will get easier as the years go by...
     
  13. Amature

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    It does get easier, at least to some degree. I missed just having someone to hold, to talk to, to be with and to want me more than the actual sex itself. I didn't wait long to start looking for a new wife after my first passed away. A lot of people looked down on me over this, but they didn't know I had been mourning the loss of her long before she died. I remember watching her eyes as life left her body and wondering what I could have done differently. I still loved her and still think of her often. Although I feel she cheated me out of sex most of my life, I don't regret not cheating on her. I just thought about it a lot and I guess that's almost as bad. I've told more personal stuff on an open forum than I should have I guess. If you want to continue this conversation in a personal message, send me one. Sometimes a person just needs a sympathetic ear. Believe me, I do understand what you are going through.
     
  14. Mittimer

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    Staying in a relationship "for the children" is no excuse. You are hurting them more then anything. They will grow up with parents, their role models, who show no love or affection to one another. The lack of affection will eventually turn into active resentment. Is that what you want your child growing up thinking a relationship is supposed to be?

    In the end it's better to have two happy patents separated than two unhappy patents who don't fit together anymore. You really aren't doing your children any favors by staying.
     
  15. Meee

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    This is the real answer.
     
  16. almostthere

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    Damn right.
    Unless there's a medical issue a year is unacceptable
     
  17. Seneca99

    Seneca99 New Member

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    Reading your posts, tells me, that you are not living what you really need and want to live.

    Are you sure you love her? My experience taught me that love is ALWAYS a two-way road, i.e. if she doesn't really love you, you also don't. Then it is much more about fear of loosing, or fear of change (the biggest fear humans have).

    I can only advise you to get some good coach - don't go to a therapist, usually they are useless because they keep you forever and never make you go active - and start to live your dreams, what your heart really wants! Kids should not stop you. It is much better for a kid to have a happy father who is not together with the mother anymore than to have an unhappy father and fighting parents.

    GO FOR YOUR DREAMS!
     
  18. MandM

    MandM New Member

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    Have you really tried to spice up the sexual relationship?
    Would she allow you to seek other partners?
    Have you discussed options to your sexual needs with your wife?
    Have you tried hiring a pool boy and a sexy maid...lol

    You should exhaust all your options before throwing away a marriage