Lack of sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by bubo, Aug 1, 2013.

  1. bubo

    bubo Member

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    I'm that kind of man who would try almost anything. Quite open-minded but undoubtedly loving my GF. I have my desires (pretty usual things) and dreams. I would like to have sex quite often, I wouldn't mind to have it even several times a day.
    And that's a bit of problem cause my GF doesn't have the need to have sex so often. She actually doesn't initiate the sex at all. We have some intimate moments approximately once a week and typically I give her a head and she does the hand stuff. She is not a big fan of oral so if I do not ask for it, it's not happening.
    We have the full intercourse approximately once a month, or even less frequently. The problem is that in the beginning it hurts her and I feel like a shit at that point and have no motivation to continue with the sex. Consequently she doesn't enjoy the intercourse at all, and I have the feeling that she is doing it only for me to be happy, and because "that's how it should be done".
    For me this situation is like a hell but I do honestly love her.
    We have been together for quite some time (let's say more than 5 years) and it was not better even in the past.

    We talked about it and she says that she doesn't know why it hurts. She considers the way how it works between us as "normal". I told her many times that I would like to improve it because for me it's just not enough but she is not doing anything about it.

    I have been trying to be very nice in order to create the right atmosphere for the sex, like creating a special evening with a wine, candles, did massage her whole body, but also other things. Result is that she doesn't want a massage more then once a month/two weeks since then.
    I'm also trying to motivate her to wear some sexy lingerie (cause I really like it) but she says it's a waste of money since I will just put it off her.

    In some way I feel unattractive and tired of trying since I almost always initiate intimate moments. She says it's normal that I always initiate it cause men want it more often. I don't know...

    I would like to ask if somebody has had similar problems and if you think there is some solution to it.

    I have been thinking it might be a problem of some hormonal levels cause she can get easily depressed/stressed/annoyed/sad also in other aspects of life (e.g. work). She is also quite self-conscious about many things (also at work) but I'm always trying to assure her that she looks beautiful, and I like her to not have some doubts about my view on her or her body.

    I really believe that this is a problem that must be solved and it's a problem of the couple so we both should solve it together. I was motivating her even to go together to some psychologist, or sexologist but she doesn't want to hear about it.

    Do you have any advice?
     
  2. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    get her in for a full physical, including a gyno exam. she should talk with her lady-doc about why it hurts when she is penetrated and see if there is something going on down there. how big are you? not length- but your girth. Are you wide enough to be stretching her uncomfortably? that may account for the pain. as to her enjoyment of sex- it could possibly be hormones, but she also could just be a person that doesn't enjoy it.
     
  3. bubo

    bubo Member

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    She has already visited and talked about it with her gynecologist. Doc told her that she's physically ok and if there is a problem it will be probably psychological.

    I tried to ask her is she doesn't have any traumatic experience from the past and she clearly said non (I cannot do anything else just believe her). She not from religious family - so she wasn't in puritan environment while growing up.
    She told me that it hurts only in the beginning but after a while it's ok.
    I don't think that I'm too big. I guess it's not more than 6'' (need to do measuring :) )