knowing you are ready to have sex

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by LA_20, Jul 17, 2007.

  1. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    This afternoon I came so close to letting my boyfriend enter me but I stopped last second.. and now I'm so confused and would love to hear from yall.
    I know this guy is not "the one" but he is a wonderful guy who I love dearly and would trust him with my life. We've been together nearly 8 months and from day one he told me that he would never pressure me to have intercourse and he never broke his word. We've been having oral sex for about 3 months now and openly talk about all topics.
    This afternoon he ate me out for probably 30 min and then I straddled him and was grinding against his cock. In the heat of the moment I moaned that I wished he was inside of me and he imediately stopped moving and asked me if I was serious. I didn't mean to say it but when I thought about it I really did, I wanted to have sex with him. Despite my desire we had no condoms, were in the back of a truck, etc and I guess my expression showed that I was doubting what I said. He quickly dropped the subject and gave me a kiss and told me that it is my decision and he loves me no matter what, and we ended up messing around for another hour or two.
    I know for a fact he will not bring it up unless/if I do because he never wants me to feel as if he is pressuring me to do something. I want to talk to him about it but I don't know what to say. I want to sleep with him, but I also realize the risk of pregnancy, I don't want our relationship to change, my virginity has always been mine and the idea of giving it away is kind of scary....

    I know this was a random and chaotic post but the gist is, I want to have sex but I am not sure if I am ready. I would like to hear from y'all what made you decide if you were ready, do you regret it, etc.

    thanks
     
  2. Barbwire

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    First things first, get on the pill, then think about having sex.

    I was a virgin until I was 19. My first time having intercourse was in a drunken haze with a guy that I had hooked up with at happy hour in a college bar. It was a mistake, plain & simple and I regretted it for a long time.

    The guy you are with seems to care about you and he's being patient. I think he sounds like a good choice for a first sexual partner. Now, when you decide to "go for it" is completely up to you, just be smart about it.
     
  3. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    Wow! this sounds like an awesome guy you have there. Guys like this are hard to find and it sounds like he truly respects your decisions. I agree with CL, take it one step at a time, get on the pill and maybe this will make you feel more comfortable having protection, and may also help with your decision. Have you given any thought to anal sex? What would your views be on this? I would consider having sex with him only because he sounds like a sweetheart that really cares for you. Good luck
     
  4. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    thank you so much for your prompt and thoughtful responses. I should have clarified in my first post that I am on the pill and have been for a year but know that it doesn't offer 100% protection.
    I haven't given anal sex a lot of thought but perhaps I should. We incorporate light anal stimulation into oral sex with wonderful results. Although I certainly don't think of it as "dirty" or "wrong" deep down I think I want/need to have vaginal intercourse before I consider anal intercourse but I will give it some further thought.

    Anyone else care to share their opinion or talk about their initial decision to start having sex?

    thanks
     
  5. Barbwire

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    I think that you should hold off on anal sex. You have a perfectly good pussy, why would you want a dick in your ass? :lol

    Gosh, I KNOW that is going to get a lot of responses. :dgrin
     
  6. Bluesy

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    Honey, oral sex IS sex. You've already had sex with this wonderful, caring, trustworthy guy...I don't see any reason why you shouldn't go ahead and have intercourse. For a lot of us, oral sex is a more intimate act than intercourse, if you can believe that. Just do it is my advice!
     
  7. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    thank you so much for all of the advice. We sat down and talked about it for around a hour last night and finally got to the heart of the matter. He says he will if I want to but that he is comfortable with the way things are right now and isn't ready to have sex. He explained how he feels tempted in the heat of the moment but when he's able to step back and think about it he feels that it isn't the right time yet.
    I definitely do not want to take things to the next level until we are both ready. Maybe he will decide in the future that he wants to have sex but if he decides never. than thats okay as well. More than anything I'm really proud that he told me he feels he is not ready. In his peer group there is so much pressure to have sex and he's really rising above it all and listening to his heart.
    Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it and to those who replied, I truly appreciate your responses. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.
    Silver
     
  8. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    If you are sure he isn't "the one" then perhaps you should wait until you find someone you feel is "the one"

    I'm a little confused why you have been with him for 8 months if you don't feel he is Mr. Right?

    I personally would move on as soon as I felt that way... it would feel like I was wasting time and leading the girl on.

    Not judging, just kind of wondering... and perhaps that is why you aren't sure if you want to lose your virginity to him?
     
  9. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    I'm still in school and have at least 7 years to go and don't want to get married until I'm out of school. We both know that we are not the others soulmate but we still care about each other very deeply, there is no "leading on" in our relationship.
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Sounds like the 2 of you are very level headed with each other :)

    (( And you never know whats around the corner, you may find 7 years on you two are still together, he could still end up being your one true love, stranger things have happned ))

    I have heard that when the time is right you will know it, and will not hesitate about having sexual intercourse with your lover, whilst there is still doubt i would say do not make the move untill you are.

    I rushed into sex just as soon as i was first offered, i did regret it in a lot of way later, i really did enjoy the please i got and was able to give her from that time
     
  11. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    Well I must say, he sounds like a good guy to lose your virginity too. IMO
    But it is not my virginity to lose, so the choice is really yours.
    Go at your own pace, take your time and if you feel you must wait then wait it is that simple.
    People seem to be pressured into having sex but it is really their decission not anyonw elses, so you make the choice don't listen to anyone pressuring you, it is not their body to use

    I can understand you fear of pregnancy, but the pill offers quite good protection, there are other methods that you could look into. If you use the pill and a condom I will pretty much garantee you that you won't get pregnant.

    So at the end of the day you have a great guy, a fear of pregnancy, virginity to lose and a couple of choices

    Make your choice but don't feel pressured to do anything you aren't ready to do.
     
  12. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Well if he knows that you aren't soulmates, then obviously he isn't being lead on.

    I think you just need to ask yourself why you feel this guy isn't your soulmate, and if that has anything to do with why you don't want to lose your virginity to him.

    If you where 100% sure you wanted to marry this guy, would you be more willing to lose your virginity to him?

    If you are having doubts, then it is probably best to keep waiting.
     
  13. Paulo UK

    Paulo UK New Member

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    Is he also a virgin?
     
  14. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    Paulo- yes he is also a virgin
     
  15. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    LA-20 said

    I just am not following this,
    You are living together.
    You know you don't love Him
    He is not your soul mate
    He is a good guy.
    You have 7 more years of school.

    WOW

    Why not drop Him so you can both be open
    when the right person comes along.

    Hiker
     
  16. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    Sorry I guess I should have been more specific, the internet always makes me a little anxious because non-board members can read etc. We are not living together and are both in college. Next summer I am transfering to another school and I do not know if we will continue to see each other. I love this guy more than anything he has been there through so much and understand me more than any of my friends ever will. Despite this we are not a good long term match. We have very different goals in life and very different ideas about how to raise a family. For this reason I love him but I've worked to keep myself from completely falling in love with him because we both know that we will never get married.

    When I move away next year we will probably break up because I cannot imagine a long distance relationship. Breaking up will not be easy and I hate to think about it but I know that it is important that we both meet new people. Maybe we will spend a few years dating other people and will realize that we still love each other or maybe after that time we will have found someone who is a better match.

    At this time I've decided to put my ideas of having sex on hold because it is not a big deal for us right now. I would love to have sex with someone who I love and trust as much as I love and trust him but if he does not feel ready then I won't pressure him. We have at least another year together so maybe it will happen during that time but either way I will treasure our time together.
     
  17. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    My opinion is to go all the way as long as protection is used. I agree with Bluesy oral sex is more intimate then intercourse.
     
  18. cook74

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    I wish I was as mature and level headed as LA is at a younger age. I dont think I even considered a long term relationship with my sexual partners till I was in my mid 20s.

    Whatever decision LA ends up making will be the right one for her. it is very rare to hear young people speak with such an understanding of what they want for their future.

    So many just live for, and think about the present.
     
  19. tsustudent04

    tsustudent04 New Member

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    no pressure

    Its good he isn't pressuring you. But if you have any doubt at all dont do it. I got lucky and the girl i lost mine with is the one i'm still with today. If its that i'mportant to you then wait.
     
  20. Team Arctic

    Team Arctic New Member

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    I think when you guys are ready, its going to happen.. You werent ready, so it didnt happen, which is fine.. And it seems like he is ok with that too which makes it even better for you, knowing that he is ok with it.. If he wasnt you would know!