Kinks and Fetishes

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by 10_3XL, Nov 29, 2014.

  1. 10_3XL

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    For a while now I've been aware of the fact that there is a difference between being kinky and having some kind of a sexual fetish. The only beyond the (unhelpful) textbook definition has been the disturbing metaphor of Feather vs Whole Bird.

    Anyway! I'm still kind of confused by the matter - so I decided to post this to get it straight from the source. And, yes, I've already Googled it* so don't tell me to do that! Unsurprisingly the results were not entirely helpful, although some were quite... ah... interesting. ;)

    Kinks and Fetishists!
    Can you please help me to properly and accurately define the term(s) and make appropriate differentiation and delineation between the two (kink/fetish)?


    *"Googled it" - sounds kinky :p
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    Kinky is what other people say about your fetish. o_O
     
  3. HotForHoney

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    I thought fetish was a need or strong desire for something. Kinky was a few notches above vanilla; a little unusual/different from the norm.

    Kinky is liking it. Fetish is needing it.
    (My understanding anyway)
     
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  4. 10_3XL

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    That's where my confusion comes from - how far from vanilla does something have to be before it's no longer "kinky" and is "fetish" or flatout "taboo." So - to carry on with the ice cream flavor metaphor - when is it vanilla, when is it mint chocolate chip, and when does it become some crazy Ben & Jerry's flavor you'd only ever buy for someone as a joke? :p

    I've been told I'm "fucked up" for some of my (always consensual) sexual habits/practices when to me they seem at worst "kinky."

    Again - trying to figure out where the lines are drawn and what the definitions are (from those who are better learned and more experienced in such things).
     
  5. HotForHoney

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    Unless there is a kink/fetish judge, it's probably like probably like hard core porn:

    Potter Stewart - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potter_Stewart

    Stewart wrote in his short concurrence that "hard-core pornography" was hard to define, but that "I know it when I see it.
     
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  6. ShyGuy2

    ShyGuy2 Active Member

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    I think this phrase helps: "All kinks are fetishes but not all fetishes are kinks."

    Take boob fetishes for example. Boobs are the fetish but biting said boobs would be the kink.

    Or bondage is the fetish but furry handcuffs would be a kink.

    Another good phrase would be: "What a technique is to martial arts is what a kink is to a fetish."
     
  7. Mittimer

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    H4H is correct. Kink is liking, fetish is needing.

    As far as "how far does it need to be away from vanilla to be kinky". It's all entirely subjective. One persons "normal" or "vanilla" is another persons "kink". Don't try to think too hard on it.

    A kink only becomes a fetish when it becomes something you're so enamored with that you need it to get off. Otherwise, it's just "kinky" or your "kink". Fetish is a strong, primal need and desire for something in order to be sexually satisfied.

    I will say, I don't see what me and mine do as..inherently "kinky". It's completely normal for us but to the outsider looking in, what we're doing could be considered incredibly kinky, depraved and all around fucked up. It's all subjective.
     
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  8. 12barblues

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    I think that sums it up perfectly..
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    Interesting subject and well answered by Mitt and H4H.
    Indeed kinkiness is subjective and a continuum but also subject to fashion and custom.
    For example when I joined SF years ago certain behaviours such as anal sex were deemed kinky whereas it seems middle road for many members nowadays.
    I do agree that a fetish is something or object obligatory to the individual for getting off.
    My own value system still retains anal sex as a kink. I do not have any fetishes per se although pussy comes close ;)
     
    #9 lbushwalker, Dec 1, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2014
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  10. sagswing

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    Do we have to choose? I'm from the "if it feels good do it" generation :cool:
     
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  11. 10_3XL

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    No, no, no! I'd never say you have to choose! :eek:
    I was just trying to get some elucidation on the subject. And if it feels good then fuck yeah - do it!
    It may not be generational - but I was told the same and also to "act like a saint until it's time to sin like the devil." ;)
     
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  12. sagswing

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    Gotcha . . . I was sorta just being a friendly "wise ass" . . . sorta ;)

    To try to answer your question from our perspective . . . I believe the lines between fetish/kink are getting fuzzier every day. Are the following kinks? Fetishes? Both? Neither?

    Wife masturbating in car with a little help from me? (Gotta always remember the towel over the leather, she's a squirter)
    Squirting?
    Toys for her?
    Pegging?
    Husband and wife having fun at strip club in VIP area?
    Interracial?
    Bi female play?
    Bi male play?
    Husband taking real cock in ass from transexual?
    Cum eating/sharing between females?
    Cum eating/sharing between male and female?
    Spanking?
    Flogging?
    Bondage?
    Submission?
    Porn?

    Good question, not sure there is a definitive answer.

    In the end its all good if you like it.
     
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  13. Doitagain

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    54303794.jpg

    Well......what else was I supposed to do? It was already explained well above
     
  14. 1000stars

    1000stars Active Member

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    I agree with H4H on this. What my fetish is to some is way, way more than the average person will normally even fathom. Everyone has a level of normalcy for them, it is all different for each person. What I consider nothing really much kink wise may be off the charts for others.
     
  15. 1sluttysub

    1sluttysub New Member

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    What if I like it and need it?