Kinda in a dark place...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by AnonymousOne, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. AnonymousOne

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    So let the endless ridicule and mockery begin ... I the prophet of iron clad individualism ... is feeling exceptionally insecure, deserted, alone, and slipping closer to Kierkegaard's 'awful precipice'.

    It's like standing on a ledge and seeing everything that you hate about yourself and wondering if you're sliding in.

    No I will not go to counseling. This is not clinical, this is experiential and as such is not a chemical imbalance problem. I think most counseling is better fulfilled by your closest of friends anyway. I want to talk to someone I trust and I know won't bullshit me, and those people are my closest friends.

    This is me, racked with more kinds of insecurity than I can shake a stick at.

    There it's out in the open ... subject to ridicule because of my arrogance and beliefs of intellectual superiority. Please, here's the place to take shots at me if you want to. I opened up a little here ... I'm not really sure why. Oh well, what's done is done.
     
  2. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Yeah, I've been in that dark place before many times. I'm not going to sit here and type empty platitudes such as "oh, but you have so much to live for!" I've been where you are and I know it's no consolation.

    All I can tell you is that you'll get through it. It will pass eventually. Taking a lot of long walks helps, and the Swede recommends listening to some heavy music.

    Oh, and by the way there's nothing wrong with being arrogant as long as it's the sexy kind of arrogant. :p Unfortunately, your brand of arrogance leans more towards the snarky side. You might want to try to tone it down a little.

    Cheer the fuck up, okay? Think of shooting squirrels with a shotgun if that helps.
     
  3. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    So...


    ...what's the problem, my man? Insecure about what?

    If we had cops in helicopters with machine guns shooting up runaway cars, you'd probably feel better. :lol
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Almost always, arrogance and visions of superiority are the classic mask of a person who feels that he/she is not up to par with those around them. Belittling or degrading others often is a sign of a person's own low self-esteem. He/she somehow thinks that if they can see others as lower than themselves, then they have somehow climbed up the ladder a rung or two. If they can cause people around them to feel less secure about themselves (through ridicule, etc.), then all the better, as that adds some sort of credence.

    Part of learning who we really are is found in testing the waters of various ideologies, or personas - and then we attach all that we are to those that appeal to us in some way. There's nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, it's a process we all must endure. As long as we leave a window open for introspection (which it sounds like you have done), then we will continue to learn - about ourselves, about others, about LIFE. It's when we close all the doors and all the windows of our mind and no one can tell us anything . . . that the process begins to deteriorate.

    I don't want to make this too lengthy (perhaps interject something later), and this may sound condescending (though not meaning to be at all!) - it's part of looking at yourself in the mirror, finding things you are no longer happy with, and dealing with them. It's part of growing up. It's part of becoming a man. As long as you have the guts to be honest with yourself, you'll continually become a better person.

    Perhaps we could ALL take a lesson from you this morning, my dear A-1. :bow

    Love,
    Grandma :rose
     
  5. Thorn

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    I'm not going to give advice A-1. I'm not good at it. But I like you a lot. We go back to the old days on :sf. You're one of half a hand full of ppl on this forum that I would feel comfortable meeting in person. You have a lot of good in you no matter what you were feeling when you posted this. In fact it shows that you care about yourself. I do also. :toast
     
  6. loveit247

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    When I am in a dark place I try to turn on the lights. LOL! Just kidding.

    Yip, being an arrogant person myself I often used to chase friends away before I learned to temper myself. It is hard. Just try and soften your approach a little, it works wonders!

    Anyway, cheer up mate.
     
  7. Hot Wheels

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    Maybe I dont go back to the old days......but other than that, Thorn echoes my sentiments as well Jon......:tup
    Besides, we wouldnt have you any other way old mate.....:D
     
  8. Dreama

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    A-1, first off, if you ever need to talk, I'm always on here. I'm a pm away, as are many of our other beloved SFers. I am very sorry you feel the way you do; I feel pretty horrid myself sometimes. Is there something specific about yourself that particularly makes you feel bad? Hugs, man. Though I don't know you well, I have ascertained that you are a very intelligent person with so many wonderful things to bring to the table in any discussion. Just remember that there are good things about you, even if they don't seem as prominent as the bad things.
     
  9. Bluesy

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    Medication is for chemical imbalances, counseling is for "experiential pain". You came here looking for a little sympathy, some ego-stroking, a hug, a pat on the back...that is not going to fix what ails you. It's like putting a band-aid on an arterial laceration. If you sincerely want to change, get yourself a therapist.

    And that is no-bullshit. Just like you wanted.
     
  10. cook74

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    I think that you are young, smart and have a lucrative future ahead of you... so drink a mug of concrete and steel yourself for the ride of your life, ADULTHOOD!!!
     
  11. Barbwire

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    Dearest A-1,



    Sure, we can sympathize with your pain and do what we can to alieve it, but you need to see a trained professional to help you right now. You wouldn't have your friends try to fix your leg if it was broken, would you? Of course not.

    Why should your sense of well-being be any different?

    I see something broken within you, my friend. Please go to the doctor's.

    ~CL~
     
  12. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    Bro, it is a matter of finding the one thing that turns the light on for you. Anything can do it, but it is just something you have to find.
     
  13. AnonymousOne

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    I took Puss's advice and had a long walk through the forest today. oh and tell the swede that there is little better than a walk through the woods with Opeth playing on the iPod. (Yay for being out in the middle of nowhere Virginia)

    I've actually been reading and thinking a lot recently and I think a lot of this is brought on by the fact that I'm a senior and the real world scares the hell out of me. That overly irrational fear of change is fueling much of this feeling of perpetual dread. As such it would seem to me that the solution to the problem is that trying to be more prepared for the real world at least in the sense of securing a job and future right out of college will greatly alleviate a large amount of the anxiety.

    *sigh* I guess at points you have to see the parts of you that you don't like and work to change them. All I can say is that I'm trying and I guess that's the best any of us can do when it comes to self-improvement.

    For the record, this wasn't a thread looking for pats on back, it was simply a thread looking for how other people have dealt with this kind of stuff. As for "professional" help ... absolutely not. I won't take the time to explain why, but this is something that I have to do for myself.
     
  14. Thorn

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    Good for you, young man! :)

    Same here, different problem.
     
  15. Dreama

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    Well, I can say that I'm a sophomore in college, and being 'out there' in the world is a bit scary. Of course, it's a bit different, because I'm married and I've had to deal a little with things outside of college..But, I'm still under the college's wing, living in their housing, away from the real world. Don't worry, though. You'll be fine, even if it does scare you.
     
  16. heelfetish

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    We all get scared from time to time, and we all need to pause and reflect. I don't think there are too many people in this world that haven't been in a similar situation that you're facing now. I'm not trying to belittle your feelings, just to convey that many of us have been there, and you WILL overcome it.

    I'll parrot Thorn's excellent post as well. You're a great guy, and even though we've had our differences and disagreements, I do consider you a good online friend. As such, I'm concerned for you. If you lived near me, I'd take you out for a nice cold beer.
     
  17. FlirtyChick

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    A-1, I am in the place you are in now, and I am twice your age. That being said, I feel that our demons are different ones. Everyone has been where you are. To be honest, I think you are significantly intelligent, witty, sexy, and very, very desirable. If I were not a married woman, I would want to have a long, fun go at you and I have never laid eyes on you. That is the sensuousness of your persona. You exude intelligence, sexiness, and maturity, and that is just in print! The world can be a big, ugly, scary place, but take it by the balls and own it baby! The people who know who they are can make a big difference, and I think you know exactly who you are! The most important thing at your stage of life is to not let the world change you, but to change it for the better. We all have a place and a purpose, and searching for it is a lifelong odyssey. Only you can change yourself, and now is the best stage of your life to start. I don't see the good things in myself, so I have hidden for years behind an alter-ego that suits the world. Please do not do that. Be who you are, find people and places that accept you that way, and tell the rest of 'em to kiss your ass. Be who you are all the time. Here's a big hug and a kiss, and six-pack for good measure.
     
  18. bsxy420

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    i get in this mood atleast once a month. if you go to counseling or even to your family dr. they will tell you that you have depression and put you on meds. and all i wanted to tell them was well no shit. the meds make you a totaly diffrent person. and for me it wasnt for the better. all i can tell you is have a good cry and let it out. get a punching bag and beat the shit out of it. things do eventually change and usually get better. dont keep it all bottled up.
     
  19. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    It seems people go for counseling for every little life-change that they encounter these days. It's like people don't think they should be uncomfortable as life dishes out normal, everyday ups and downs. I truly don't think that is the original intention for therapy. Counseling is for those who have chronic problems coming to grips with inner thoughts and questions.... for those who become emotionally crippled from normal quirks in life...for those who find it next to impossible to cope with their inner self.

    You (A-1), on the other hand, are just asking regular questions of yourself in order to better understand yourself and the world around you. Who among us hasn't been there.. a million times perhaps?

    There are strengths in your existing character that are built in. Being opinionated, and then researching to back yourself up is a GOOD thing. Being strong-willed and not easily toppled is a GOOD thing. There's loads of GOOD things already developed in your character. Don't turn your back on those! Perhaps now, you're only working to temper the good things with wisdom (not to be confused with knowledge), and acceptable social graces, so that you can use those good qualities to the best of your ability.

    It's kind of like eating fish. You have to know how to eat the meat, and spit out the bones.
     
  20. heelfetish

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    A1: Listen to this woman. She knows of what she speaks. :bow