keeping it up

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by jojo, Jan 5, 2004.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. jojo

    jojo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    lol dont know how to phrase this, so its just coming out as I type with no editing.

    Ok came to this forum seeking a solution to my problem. Im male, 19 years old and am a virgin, basically because have never been in any serious relationships and not a 1 night kind of guy. Im not bad looking, just have not had a lot of first hand experience with GF's and its hard to get started.

    I started seeing this girl from work, and we really hit it off, the first few nights we were just hanging at my place and mucking around, kissing, fondling, whatever. Tonight, probably the fourth time weve seen eachother outside of work, she came over and things got more serious. So there we were basically cuddling nude and she starts pushing our crotches together like she wants to have sex, so Im like 'ok' I really like this girl, why not, but as soon as I start to get ready, I loose the sergeant, he decides to go limp. So basically to hide it I ended up going down on her, I could tell she wanted more, but I couldnt get any downstairs movement (at least not enough) and basically said perhaps we should not go too far, she seemed to take this ok.

    Whether or not shes had sex im not sure, but it kind of plays on my mind a bit. Also its weird, becasue I had it up when we were, cuddling, kissing, but whenever things got too seriosu it went limp. What the hells going on? Is it stage fright? In general Ive cut down on masturbation to twice a week or so, could this be the problem still, should I stop altogether?

    Also whats the best way to find out how experienced she is without directly asking her? I have no problem doing that, just think it might sound a bit stupid asking her something like that. Any advice, similar circumstances or ideas are welcome. thanks for your time.

    jo
     
  2. crusty

    crusty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2004
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    You've got nothing to worry about dude, I know it sounds weird but what you are experiencing is very normal, I've experienced it also with my first gf, you are putting too much pressure on yourself, I basically did what you did, I didn't "hide it" but I went down on her so she could at least get something from me :) I was weirded out by it cause its like "this is my first time with a naked chick who wants to have sex with me and I can't even get it up????" which can be damn scary, you think there must be something wrong. I found that I had a much much better time when I relaxed and didnt pressure myself, my gf was great about it, she said its no big deal and was happy to cuddle and just play around until I was ready, that is the best thing to do, talk to her, if she really likes you she's gonna understand and want to help out. Most important though is not to worry about it, you will perform when the times comes just go with the flow, when the moment is right for you everything will be fine :)

    I just read the bit bout you worried about her being "experienced" again this is part of the problem, you are worried that you're not going to "meet her expectations" does she know that you are a virgin? If not you really should tell her, she will love it I garauntee just speak to her, my first was also not a virgin and it was part of the reason I had trouble, I was too worried about her thinking that I was no good but she knew I was a virgin and was very very good about it all. Communication is the key :D
     
  3. ramtuf49

    ramtuf49 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    virginia
    JoJo,
    Don't panic, I agree with Crusty. You may be nervous about if she is a virgin or not. If she is not a virgin she will LOVE the fact that you are. My first was when I was 17. She was 25 and really got off on the fact that she was my first and she was teaching me instead of the other way around. Relax and let it happen.
     
  4. Tommys_hot

    Tommys_hot New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    The Northeast USA

    I have to agree. My first time I was about to turn 18 and it was with a 30 year old married woman with 5 kids. I had no problem though keeping it up however.

    Try to relax, it's just nerves.
     
  5. jojo

    jojo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    kay thanks for the replies people. I'll see how things pan out.
     
  6. barbie

    barbie New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2004
    Messages:
    211
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hey,I'm not a guy,but I have been where your girl is and I tell you it's not a big deal to most girls.The girls that it would bother are girls that are just out for the sex.If they really care about you,it shouldn't bother them at all.Just take it easy and try to relax,and take things as they come.Don't ever try to rush things,or try to make yourself horney when your not.Can't always be.Good Luck!!!!
     
  7. jojo

    jojo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Okay an update I guess with some more questions...

    Weve been seeing eachother for about 2 months now, still haven't had sex, though weve done about everything else under the sun. Weve given eachother oral, had dry sex and used eachothers hands. I talked to her about being a virgin and found that she was one as well, which I guess made things slightly more comfortable for me.

    However the problem still remains that whenever I want to take things all the way and have sex I go limp. Im pretty sure its not a physical thing, because I have had it up and hard for fellatio and handjobs, but whenever I feel that I want to take things to the next level (which Im sure she wont object to) I lose my erection or it goes semi flaccid. This leads me to believe that it is a psychological thing. I think I am in love with this girl and there is no reason at this point that I feel I would not want to have sex with her, so I am not sure where the psychological barrier lays. I dont really want to seek professional help on this one if it can be resolved without! One thing that worries me is that we will start to have sex and I will go limp inside of her, which I guess would be a bit embarrasing, but other than that I really dont have any fears of sex and would like to know how to resolve my problem. Any ideas?

    jojo
     
  8. crusty

    crusty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2004
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Honestly mate it just sounds like you're nervous, it happened to me too and you're thinking to yourself "WTF??? I've been wanting this for years and how it finally happens and I can't even get it up!!" Other people I know agree its weird but try to relax more, the minute you get worried about not being able to get it up you're gonna blow it, just spend time and get totally comfortable with her, start with some oral and then move on to intercourse with her, usually once you're halfway there its alot harder for you to just lose your erection.

    Hope this helps a little.
     
  9. jojo

    jojo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Thanks crusty, your advice helped a great deal. As soon as I stopped thinking about my worries and relaxed, everything flowed along fine. My other worry had been that I wouldnt last long, but I lasted 10 minutes the first time, then the second time on the same night I lasted about 30 minutes with no climax, we ended up stopping. I was happy with that.

    jo
     
  10. crusty

    crusty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2004
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    No worries :) Glad I could help a fellow Aussie out! It helps alot when people can relate to the problems you have and you realise that its not just something you are experiencing.
     
  11. jiggy

    jiggy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2004
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Banff, Canada
    As Barbie said before, if the girl loves you, yeah it might be a bit frustrating for her, but if she REALLY loves you, then it won't bother her. Half the girls I know don't get off nearly as much with sex as they do with other things. My boyfriend has the same problem (we've been dating for 6 months ad ust recently had sex for the first time) I think it must be jsut him being nervouse because before me, he was a virgin, but I wasn't. I jsut don't know how to tell him or teach him to relax. He's good with oral and manual stuff, but as soon as it comes to "the deed" he goes as jojo said "half limp". How do I teach my man to relax???
     
  12. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Relaxing

    Breathing is one place to start. Tantric Yoga explains techiniques to keep hard for 22 to 25 minutes, so both partners will be overcome with emotional energy at climax. Tantra teaches combining movement, rythim and breathing. The place and surroundings can affect an individual.

    Try deeper, longer breaths. Shorter shallow breathing is less conducive to achieving relaxation. Visualization can help also. If the man envisons things that are relaxing, or play soothing music or dim lighting, can help. Also visual stimulatoin is helpful. Erotic posters and XXX videos are helpfu for most men.
     
  13. crusty

    crusty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2004
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    I agree with Logger, I've found that breathing deeper and longer during intercourse nearly always leads to a much more powerful and intense orgasm, you gotta relax too, if you're gonna make some noise just make it don't hold back (providing the situation you're in allows of course :D ) I used to hold back all the time and the soon as I let go sex just went to a whole new level for me!
     
  14. joey_

    joey_ New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2004
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    australia
    hey man its kewl tat you dont wanna rush into things and you cant go limp inside her hehe its really impossible :D just relax and talk 2 her about it and yeah she'll understand me and my gf didnt lose our virginities after like 6 - 7 months of us being 2gether [still together too, almost 10months :D]. so yeah just relax and let the good times roll. youre just abit nervous maybe. and i think it is a psychological thing too. if you cant seem 2 get it up when about to have sex you are stopping it from getting it up. are you afraid of something? coz i think tats wat it really is. dont rush it too just yeah slow it down a lil.. hehe :D
     
  15. jiggy

    jiggy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2004
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Banff, Canada
    So its a little akward for me to bring this up to my boyfriend, I don't just want to go up to him and say "Hey, you know how you can't keep it up sometimes? Well, I was reading on this sex web page...." if you catch my drift. So guys, HOW DO I TELL MY MAN? I love him a lot and he knows I would never do anything to tarnish his rep, but I still feel a little bit uncomfortable coming out and saying what I think he needs to do...Any ideas????
     
  16. crusty

    crusty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2004
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Well I'm sure that he also wants to sort this problem out so I'd be surprised if he wasn't receiptive to you talking to him about it, good communication is a key to having a great sex life, or so I have found anyway, if you guys can communicate then just tell him that you've been reading up and trying to help the two of you out, don't make it sound like its "his problem" make it a "we" thing, don't tell him that you asked people about it, just tell him you found something similar, its all going to depend on how he takes it, I would probably be a little shocked but happy that my girl was thinking about our happiness. I must admit that some guys would feel it threatens their "manhood" as they think that nothing should go wrong "cause i'm a man" etc etc. Best thing you can do is talk about it, there might be a right time to bring it up, you might also be able to help him relax more by reassuring him, I know when I'm with a girl at the start of a relationship it helps alot if she is relaxed and doesn't mind if things don't go quite to plan, my first GF did that and it was great, she was experienced and I wasn't but she made me feel that everything was ok and there is always more time to practice ;)
     
  17. jiggy

    jiggy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2004
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Banff, Canada
    thanks a lot! I'm sure I'll find a good time to bring it up, and fortunately we do have a very close relationship and can talk quite easily (we were friends for about 8 years before we started dating)

    ~J
     
  18. SenseiPiccolo

    SenseiPiccolo Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2003
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    The first time my fiance and I had sex was in Oct. 2003 and we were both virgins. We started things off slowly - the romantic way - then when we began to have full sexual intercourse - we both lasted about an hour and a half - and in that time we both climaxed twice. I never went 'lymp'.
     
  19. crusty

    crusty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2004
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Wow thats fairly impressive, I must admit that I've never really been able to continue after climaxing however if I give it a few mins and we go again I can last for a very long time, although I have had times where I've lasted for over an hour the first time, I find it happens when you just get lost in the moment and afterwards you look at the time and think "damn its THAT late!" :D I think some people rush sex too much, I would rather go for a couple of hours and never climax than rush to climax quickly.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.