Just how powerful is LUST????

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Lusty Dreams, Jul 10, 2006.

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  1. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    I am so glad I found somewhere to go with this issue. B/c it is about to eat me up inside. I have always felt very in control of myself physically and sexually, until recently.

    I am married, just hitting the 30's and have had some sexual issue before, but we seem to be overcoming them a little better, and although I love him, I didn't realize how sexually dead I was inside. I thought my sexual libido, and woman want for sex was totally gone, and I have been having sex, just hoping to enjoy it....until this past weekend.

    A little history on this other guy. Let's call him Adam. Obviously that is not his name. Anyway, I have known Adam for about 7 years. He is very VERY incredibly attractive in my eyes. I have been out w/ him before, about 5 years ago, we danced at a club, and the look in his eyes, make me gasp. Not to mention the dance we had at that club was so incredibly hot, I can't match or compare it to ANY other dance I have shared w/ another guy. We have never kissed or anything though. But the looks he gives me, and especially that night were UNREAL. He actually brushed my neck w/ his lips while we were dancing that one night and I couldn't feel my feet. UNreal.

    WELL. This past weekend, I seen him Sat. at a local event. We talked for a little while, and good golly the way he looked at me w/ those eyes. He kinda looks at me, then his eyes fall to my lips and back up to my face. It is very very hot, and I about lose my bearing every time I am around him. I also seen him later that night w/ a crowd of people, and I just wanted to feel his breath near me. My heart was beating so fast, I bet he heard it in my voice. And I can tell you all, this is not love, THIS IS LUST in its GREATEST form, and I almost cannot deal with it.

    He is married as well. I can see he is the kind of guy (in his later 30's) that leaves his wife at home w/ the kids, and wants to go out w/ his friends. We both kinda have the same hobby (which I won't mention), that gives us things to talk about very easily whenever we are together, or in a group of people.

    I love my husband, I couldn't imagine living w/o him. BUT he has never made me feel NEAR as hot as Adam has. I had to masterbate this morning, and I watched in the mirror, and totally used him for the entire fantasy. It was SO incredibly hot, I thought I was going to faint. I even had really hot sex w/ the hubby yesterday twice, just to feel something inside of me, but I did think of Adam :(

    I have a feeling he feels the same about me, but not near as bad. Body language can be very loud sometimes. I just want to KNOW though, I think that would satisfy me. I don't want a sexual relationship at all, b/c that would hurt both our marriages greatly, and I know better. Plus we live in a small town. BUT I CAN'T describe to you all how POWERFUL this LUST and WANT I have for him. When I think about him, or get a chance to see him, my entire body tenses, and I can feel my clit pulsing. If we ever did have sex, I would probably be in a coma afterwards. The thought of just kissing him, slowly but deeply makes me feel so good, I almost get nauseas. HE totally reawakens the sexual goddess in me, like a raging fire or something.

    WHAT do I do, and has anyone here ever been in anything this complicated? BTW, he lives about 2 miles from me. I feel like this is going to hurt my sex life. I have tried to talk to my hubby about what works for me, and what I like, but I swear he has ear plugs in. I used to be the type that would dress up, you know, cheerleader, nurse, ect. and REALLY enjoy foreplay and sex. So I know it isn't me. I almost feel that if I am not going to be able to finish, since I never have w/ him, why even go through all the trouble. I feel like I am the only one who has ever made suggestions, or tried to fix our sexual problems.

    This is serious, b/c I feel powerless around this guy. But I try my BEST to not let it show.

    I can be a VERY sexual and explicit person, I love toys, and being very naughty, but it takes 2. And my husband has never been able to finish me, even though I have showed him how. What's scary is knowing that Adam could probably kiss me, and touch me there, and it would explode in his hands, mouth, whatever. And I have already dreampt about him this weekend. I have also tried to think of ways to see him, just to see the way he looks at me...I just want a kiss, or just maybe know what he thinks about me. That is not good, the fact that I just admitted all that.

    Please help me.

    Lusty Dreams....
     
  2. pirouette

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    Lusty Dreams,
    Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. The fact that your husband has not brought you to orgasm is a bit disturbing. Honesty is typically the best policy, so I think you need to have this discussion with your hubby. I know you have made attempts to remedy the situation by speaking with him and telling him what would do it for you. But I think you need to go back and bring more information to the discussion this time. I would have to tell him that my sexual needs have increased (maybe you are heading toward your peak?). I would also talk to him about his lack of sexual intensity during your sessions. Explain yourself as honestly as possible, like "I know you are able to finish each time, but I am having trouble getting there and could use some help!".
    Good luck. It might be difficult to discuss some of your desires, but at the very least, at least he will know something needs to improve!
     
  3. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    Pirouette,

    Thanks for your reply!!

    I was really embarressed to come on this board, and talk about all of this.

    I have talked to him many times. We have been together a total of 4 years. Whenever I try to tell him how I feel, he almost gets rude. He always says I complain about sex. But that is very untrue. I asked him one time, "How would you feel if we were having sex, and in the middle of it I just stopped, b/c I was done?" "And you would have to lay there, unfinished, while you watched me go to sleep?" I don't think he can imagine that. Then, I told him to multiply that feeling x 4 years.

    It's like he won't suggest anything, try anything, or do anything different. I am pretty bored w/ the whole thing.

    And it does NOT help this VERY LUSTFUL situation that I have right now. I honestly could not tell you what would happen if we had just 10 minutes alone. I consider myself a honest person, but my desire is very HOT for this other guy.

    I could never tell him I was attracted to someone else, ever. I also am big on working out, 4-5x a week. I feel very attractive sometimes. And he really isn't into the health thing, or try to better his body. Even though, I still think he is decently attractive.

    Sometimes I feel like I am literally rotting and wasting away down there. BTW, I haven't felt any kind of lust like this for ANYONE else, ever. And I don't look for it. This just happened.

    I really need help.
     
  4. loveitrough

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    Lust is a very difficult thing to control, When it comes right down to it you have to weigh the loss , is it worth it to lose the person your with over sex ? Now for your partner not wanting to talk to you about it , Thats a tough one as well , a good relationship invovles good communication. I would work on that part of the relationship first, then the door will open to talk about sex.
     
  5. pirouette

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    Wow, that sucks. I am the type of deviant who would give him a taste of his own medicine. I would stop just before he comes and get up and leave the room. Maybe fix a nice snack or something. If I was really in a good mood, I might just sit there and masturbate to great porn. But like I said, I am a deviant. I might even suggest seeing other people. Of course, this is not the best way to address the issue.....jmho
     
  6. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    Well, I like the idea of just stopping while it is going on, and taking care of some other chores. I think I may try that. Just to let him know how it REALLY feels.

    I do like being a pleaser though, I guess that is why I have sucked it up for so long. Sex always feels rushed to me. It does not have the important role it should. And it is nothing like it was when we dated/living together. What is it about marriage that kills sex anyway?

    Whenever I talk about me getting finished, I just get a mumble, and some excuse. Tell me, how can a man, FEEL like a man, if he always finishes, and doesn't attempt to take care of his woman???? If I was finishing each and every time, and he NEVER did, it would be my first priority.

    As for this lust I have, it feels so powerful inside me. It's desire to be tamed is almost, completely overwhelming. I don't want to have sex w/ "Adam", but I do VERY much enjoy thinking about it, and making up fantasies in my head. I know the heart will will over the mind. But I have never dealt w/ anything this complicated before. I wonder if he has any idea about it, or if he thinks that way of me? Here I go...:eek:
     
  7. pirouette

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    Lusty, you said, "Whenever I talk about me getting finished, I just get a mumble, and some excuse. Tell me, how can a man, FEEL like a man, if he always finishes, and doesn't attempt to take care of his woman? If I was finishing each and every time, and he NEVER did, it would be my first priority."
    I would guess a lot of men would be embarrassed if they couldn't bring their partner to orgasm. My man is obsessed with making me cum. It would be a huge blow to his ego if he didn't. So right there, your man has a problem. It almost sounds like you've become his masturbation tool rather than his lover.
    As far as the rush goes, I'm not certain planning would help. My sexual needs have been pushed aside in the past - I know what it's like to be be a busy, stressed out, tired human being. Who doesn't? In those instances, I begged my husband to schedule some time for us. I know it sounds bad at first, but the time is well worth it. Make a date. Go out to dinner. Go to a museum or something different. Agree to spend and evening up late together.
    Bottom line: If he makes an excuse as to why he can't commit to an evening of reciprocal sexual ecstacy.......I guess I would have a lot of other questions to ask!
     
  8. Clark

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    You have an emotional emptiness that is not being fulfilled by your husband. This forces you to naturally crave fulfillment elsewhere.

    You should work on two things:
    1) stop fostering your feelings for Adam. Don't see him or contact him. When you think of him 'that way', think of it as a sign that you have a problem with your husband that needs resolution and let your train of thought move toward finding a solution with him.

    2) start building those feelings with your husband. Don't tell him what he's doing wrong. Guide toward how to what you sexually like, and be gentle and encouraging. The "I'll show him how it feels" retaliation won't accomplish anything except bring distance between you.

    Remember that you have chosen to dedicate your life to be with your husband, and not any other guy.
     
    #8 Clark, Jul 10, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2006
  9. AnonymousOne

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    Yeah ... clark basically said what I was going to. Communication seems to be a bit of a problem between your husband and you and I'd recommend a heart to heart .... or at least some guiding talk during sex. If he doesn't get it the first time, be more blunt.
     
  10. pirouette

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    Lusty Dreams,
    Any idea why he's tuning you out? Maybe it's the way you say it, not what you say?
     
  11. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    :rofl
    I bet she'd get more than a 'mumble' in response! Sometimes people can't feel your pain, until they actually FEEL YOUR PAIN! If talking isn't getting anywhere, perhaps this type of 'shock treatment' will get his attention, then get back to square one with communication.

    As far as "Adam", I agree with the guys. You need to stop feeding that to your head. A fantasy that involves a married man you know and socialize around can not be a good idea. For whatever reason HE is snuggling up to you, if you value your marriage and family, you need to let this one go. I know it will be hard, but use this as a catapult for your own marriage, now that you have come to realize that you are still very sexually alive and well.
    Good Luck! :grouphug
     
  12. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    Wow.

    I never expected such mature responses :) I REALLY appreciate the support you all are giving me to our marriage. That means a lot. I agree w/ the fact that I need to kill the thought of "Adam" when he enters my mind. I know inside it isn't right, and that it would ruin both of our families.

    As far as an emotional emptiness, I totally agree w/ that one. And I have seen that talking really doesn't do well w/ us :( Sure, it will be great for one day or two, then back to the same old. We rented a little cabin for this coming weekend, to get away, and be alone :) I am hoping we can rekindle some things. Last night, I went out of my way to talk a little dirty to him, and just dropped the pants at the couch before dinner ;) I thought that was pretty hot, and caught him off guard.

    Yes, I agree that I am more of a masturbation tool for him as well. I just don't get to finish, and that gets old, fast. I guess it will take more experiments, and maybe some wine.

    I need to let him use his fingers more. I am big on cleanliness of hands, and I think fingers are some of the nastiest parts of the body. I don't like risking infections when they are up inside me. So maybe I am missing out.

    ANYWAY, I appreicate you all pulling me back down to reality w/ "Adam."
    But also helping me realize HE also has some work to do....
     
  13. AnonymousOne

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    Not getting to finish .... :( you poor woman my number is 540- .... oh wait .. wait ... :lol

    I think that you both will experience a more bonding sexual experience if there's more .... mutual pleasure being experienced.

    There's always the "Fine! I guess I'll just have to finish myself off tonight!" approach, but I don't think he's the kind to have his honor tickled and respond appropriately. :shrug

    I wish ya the best lass.
     
  14. pirouette

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    What was that number....540....?
     
  15. lbushwalker

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    I'm not sure I should post on this topic as it is a bit too close to home however I will type and at the end delete everything if it doesn't feel right.
    It is my belief that dreams are almost always a message from our subconscious to our conscious and that they are symbolic.
    Enjoy your dreams and build on them is what I do.
    I too have an emptiness which is easily accommodated by a person I lust and her likewise but sex aside, circumstances are such that consumation would be disasterous.
    Together we maintain this dream to help enrich our everyday reality.
    In my case the truth was revealed to my partner and she went ballistic, no talking for 2 weeks etc.
    When finally she wanted to know why, I told her and she replied to the affect :"not that old issue again" to which I honestly replied No, not again but still......! You have ignored my need for X years and now I can't continue.
    After a few more days she came back and asked if we could try again and I readily agreed and so things have improved but now that she feels safer they are sliding back again.
    I don't know what the answer might be but right or wrong I hold onto my dream such that if all goes bad I still have something.

    Empathy but no advice.
     
  16. AnonymousOne

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    Don't give it out on the internet ... :p
     
  17. pirouette

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    I promise. Besides, then I could have you all to myself...:lol
     
  18. AnonymousOne

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    Now wait a second here hun ...
    What would Loveit think?
     
  19. pirouette

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    Don't worry about him!
     
  20. loveitrough

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    Go get her A1
     
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