Just a bit frustrated

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Anotherday, May 30, 2011.

  1. Anotherday

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    This is my first post after visiting for sometime. My problem seems to be very common, so more than anything I'm just venting a little in a place where I can. Happily married for 13 yrs to a woman I love very much. I consider her my best friend, I've never strayed nor has she that I'm aware of, and I don't care to do so outside of fantasy. In any case the problem is her low libido and of course my high libido. We both live stressful lives workwise and I know this a problem for her and she has a hormonal imbalance as well per the doc. Don't get me wrong, we do have sex typically once a week and we both enjoy being very open with each other and have never been afraid to explore each other's desires to see what fits us. Like she describes her sex drive "it's like trying to jump start a 747, but once it gets going it's going to fly." She enjoys sex, we watch porn together, she has toys, and she does orgasm and occasionally multiple times when she lets me take her the "distance". it's really good sex imo when we have it.

    I know part of the problem is me, I sometimes find myself obsessing about sex, I love it. I could have sex everday and typically take care of myself at least once a day. Heck, after we have sex I might take care of myself several times the next day just thinking about it.

    We've talked about it quite a bit, but nothing seems to change no matter how I treat her or we go about our lives. She once tried testosterone patches & creams, but (this pisses me off) quit using them after just a week for some reason.

    Our typical encounter is after a few drinks. That's fine, and I imagine she relaxes a bit and forgets about work & our kid for a little while with a little buzz going.

    Like I said, I'm just venting a little. I know I should be happy to have the relationship we do and be happy with the sex we do have being something I crave. But, I am frustrated a bit so chime in with any comments you may have on the subject.
     
  2. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    You both really need to sit down and talk about this. You're right, it is a common problem among couples, but many people are scared to discuss this rationally. It usually ends up in resentment and rejection.

    It could all be seduction technique. Unlike us, women need a lot of mental and emotional foreplay. Us men tend to think of foreplay as doing a bit of licking and kissing here and there and hey presto!

    For a woman it's different. They need a lot of attention. Start seducing her early on in the day. Tell her how lovely she looks, be specific - 'you look really nice in those trousers, they really accentuate your legs' for example, or tell her how she makes you feel: 'I feel so lucky to be with a woman like you'.

    Be explicit in talking about sex too: 'When we have sex / fuck / make love I really feel close to you...'

    I know these examples are a bit icky, but you get the general picture :ugh

    Touch her now and again in a non-sexual manner. Giver her a hug or a lingering kiss on the lips.

    Doing this won't guarantee you a sex session though. But doing it often enough means you should get more frequent sex. If you tell them often enough what a godess they are and appeal to their playful side, they light up from within and will want to please you. Women tend to get sexually aroused by things we say rather than how 'sexy' we're trying to be. It's quite tough to do in the beginning, but once you start doing it, it becomes habit.

    Remember, men see sex as a reward, women tend to see it as a chore.

    Have you also discussed sexual fantasies? If not then ask her what really turns her on. Be open-minded and non-judgmental. Be careful too, not to make her look foolish. Sexual fantasies are highly personal and if someone you love derides them it's really hard to open up to them.

    Anyway, hope this helps.

    ~ Marcpatrick
     
  3. igor

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    OK - you are both working and you have a kid and she probably does all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc too - right? Can you help lighten her load?

    I'd say you are lucky for once a week. In better times we had sex once a month or at most every 2 weeks.
     
  4. Alwayslearningsex

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    It's great that you recognize and accept the differences between you an wife, and never played raound. Even better is that you communicate, but I see it doesn't solve the drive issue.
    I don't know what to say but this is my way to offer support in this, that hopefully you will find a compromise, your part for her may not even need to be sexual. Just an idea.