Jealousy

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by deckard_cain, Aug 21, 2007.

  1. deckard_cain

    deckard_cain New Member

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    This is a pretty big deal for me. And I'm sure that admitting that in the first place is a big step, but its not enough. I want to be rid of it. I get jealous and the stupidest things. Its time to come clean, I feel, and see if I can't get this shit under control.

    Anyway, I want to give you guys an example of my problem, and see what you think. Alright, Kronnie is a prominent member on here, and I have nothing against him, he's done nothing to me, if not having actually done something for me by being a good friend to my fiance.

    But, despite the facts. It still bothers me that my fiance has someone other than me (thats male, that is a factoid of the problem, I'm not jealous of females...ever. Bizarre, IMO) that she has called hot, and talks to occasionally, and so on. I don't know if its a preternatural instinct that controls my emotions (It used to control my actions, but this is unacceptable) and makes me want to tear out his throat. (No offense Kronnie, I actually would like to get to know you man, that helps more than you'd know...or maybe you would know. )

    I just want that feeling of anger to go the fuck away, you know? I don't want to get mad about what my fiance does. No matter what. If it made her happy, I'd like to see her leave me, you know? But, I still feel the pull of blind rage and wanting her to myself tugging at me.

    We've made some serious headway in our relationship recently, including being totally open about everything, which is why I joined this forum to begin with. So, I would appreciate any advise, it maybe will temper with age, maybe its because of some insecurities in myself, I don't know. I would appreciate the advise, and, Kronnie, once again, no offense intended at all. Not even a little bit. This is my problem, I don't want to alienate you from becoming my friend.

    Writing this for the forum has helped a lot, amazingly. Maybe I need an outlet of some kind?

    Hope I haven't offended anyone. If I did, I can understand, I don't exactly act nobly when dealing this.
     
  2. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Dont worry i dont take offense ...off topic for just a min here
    your name sounds so much like a character from diablo ( the game ) wasnt he the guy in the white cloak ? )

    but seriously i dont know why your so jealous of me, im def not anything special..im just more friendly with females on the whole than i am with males..i like their company.

    And if we were to ever meet up, you never know you may actualy end up liking me , rather than wishing to rip my throat out...

    But i am a little lsot on who you are...and who your fiance is.

    as you have only just come here and made one psot , you know who i am , but i am at a bit of a loss. as i have been and still am good friends with quite a few female members here :)
     
  3. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    Jealousy is a destructive emotion, I know, I suffer from it too. For me I think it lies in my insecurities.

    Maybe your fiance would be happy to give you more reassurance? Or get to know Kronnie for the nice guy that he is.

    Alternatively, search on line or get a book about dealing with jealousy, it's more common than people admit. At least you admit to it :)

    Good luck.
     
  4. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Thankyou Netle for your kind words :)

    I guess at times the way i am can get me in trouble , i seriously do not mean to make anyone jealous of me.
     
  5. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    You see Kronnie, you are a flirty guy, but in a non threatening way, which (I think) women like.
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    He is Dreama's fiance, Kron.

    I believe opening up in a place where you feel unthreatened is a good start. Learning to 'share' Dreama (not in a bad way :lol ) - but sharing in things that she's involved in and cares for - like :sf. Become a part of the "deckard_cain/Dreama team" - as marriage is like a team sport!

    I imagine many things from your past have fed into your jealousy. You'll probably have to wake up every day, look in the mirror and exclaim, "Just for today, I will not allow myself to get jealous!"
     
  7. Bluesy

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    Oh, hon, you don't have to worry about Kronnie. He's one of those soft-spoken gentlemen who collects platonic female friends like some guys collect notches on bedposts. Stick around and get to know him better and I bet you'll get over your jealousy before long. We're all kind of flirty with one another here (it's a sex site, after all, and we're all such horndogs!), but it's light-hearted, good-natured fun, nothing crazy. I'm sure you'll like it here :)

    Besides, the person you should be worried about is...me :brow I live much, much closer to Dreama than Kronnie, and I'm a tremendous admirer of her natural beauty. Hasn't she told you how many times I've bugged her for nudie pics??

    Oh, btw, new rule here, all male partners of established members must post at least one picture of their cock in the adult multimedia section once they've accumulated their 20 posts :D
     
  8. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Thanks Rose i wasnt sure and did not know Deckard ( so my apologies for that ) and yes i am defently a good friend of Dreamas she is a really sweet lady. as i am sure you know :)

    I never meant to offend or hurt your feelings deckard, And Dreama i do enjoy our friendship as you have been there to help me when i was down, and i hope in some small way i have been there for when ever you needed an ear to bend :)

    Bluesy hehe, thanks for those compliments, i can be naughty from time to time, but mainly i do like to think im a good guy.
     
  9. deckard_cain

    deckard_cain New Member

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    Well, to be honest I feel fine about it already. Since me and Dreama have decided to tell each other about the things that we are thinking and feeling I think I'll be able to get over things a lot faster. I don't feel like I have to hide my jealousy or anything from her, and usually only minutes after telling her any sort of anger I have is dissolved.

    And yeah, I hope to get to know you better Kronnie. You don't make me jealous, in a fashion, I am the one who makes me jealous. Its hard to explain. I hope you understand though.

    I guess I'll see you guys around, and, I'm glad you didn't tear me a new one. (I like the old one just fine.)

    Besides, I think dealing with people in a sexual manner on here will help me get over my jealousy in a large way for good. I need to ingrain the fact that my lover is a real person who has real feelings for other people from time to time, and just trust her that she's not just going to run off with the first nice guy that comes along.

    Thanks.
     
  10. Dreama

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    It's funny how this has happened really. As most of you might remember, my post was much the same, except directed toward porn. I decided to get over mine....So, it's not a big issue. We'll be just fine.
     
  11. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    oooo ah
     
  12. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I have never had much of a problem with jealousy. I think because I understand my partner's actions have much more to do with him/her then they do with me. A cheater will cheat and a flirt will flirt. That is what they do, it has nothing to do with me. Now the other side of it, respect. If she is cheating with a friend or someone in our circle of friends that is disrespecting me. If she gets pregnant by another that is disrespect. That I will not stand for. If she flaunts it in front of me or puts me down with it that is disrespect. That will end a relationship with me fast. My first wife was a cheat. I knew she was but she never cheated near home so i chose to ignore it. Then she got pregnant by another and we divorced. She later cheated on him with me. Cheaters cheat that is who they are.
     
  13. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    ?? ok but Dreama isnt a cheat , niether am i , you know in this day and age , it is possible for a female to have male friends and a male to have female friends without the need of cheating or sex being involved..

    I think Dreama as a person is awsome, and i do have strong feelings towards her, but as a good and close friend.
     
  14. Maddox

    Maddox New Member

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    I can be like Kronnie too, but Im a bit of a hypocrit because I HATE when my GF (dont have one now, though) calls a guy hot. Unless it's someone famous and I can call a famous girl hot too, we won't end up even meeting them (though she would probably have an easier time of hooking up with Johnny Depp than I did with Keeley Hazell *tear*).

    But if it's someone she/I/we know, it pisses me off....I don't need to know that, and I don't like hearing about you thinking someone else you're close to in some way is attractive...

    I dont mind if she calls another girl hot, I think that's...well, hot. However, I don't flirt with girls who have a man in their lives even if I did flirt with them when I was single. I still get the little openners, too, but I shrug them off. Lol.
     
  15. Dreama

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    Yeah, exactly. It's alright, hun. We've talked about it, and it's ok now. :) We've been trying to come to grips with each other in every way, and it is hard to come to terms with sometimes. You've done nothing wrong, and neither have I. I'm going to continue to be friends with you. :) But, getting married is big, so before we take the plunge, we need to be totally open and honest about things, so that the other person can understand who we are and accept that. But you rock, hun. Just be happy. :)
    '
     
  16. Dreama

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    And, I do understand that you shouldn't rub it into his face, if I think someone is attractive. I haven't. My fiance looked at my posts, and got jealous...But, he is just coming to terms with that, just like I had to accept the fact that he looked at porn. It's all good. I'd never rub it in his face.
     
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Getting to know each other's deeper interests can be a hard thing to swallow. But allowing each person in a relationship to remain themselves is crucial to a healthy marriage. Giving your partner the freedom to express themselves (within reason) gives him/her the ability to continue to grow as a person. That's so important, as we all need to know that we are free to be who we are.

    There's nothing more impeding to a relationship than the fear that you can't be your REAL self!
     
  18. Dreama

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    This is exactly what we're trying to do :), and it is a hard thing. But, I think we'll be able to deal with it. I think posting on a site like this is the healthiest thing you could do, along with having discussion with your partner about it. Thank you so much for your advice, Rose. I really respect your opinion.
     
  19. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I can see that, and I commend you both. Allowing each other to express yourselves will actually enhance your love - more than you could ever realize. It sort of keeps the sparks of "freshness" alive. You both are learning a valuable lesson early in your relationship. that's a great thing!! :tup
     
  20. deckard_cain

    deckard_cain New Member

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    Yes, my name is from Diablo, and its because I always liked how that character kept his cool, even when all hell was breaking loose. (Pun intended.)

    Kronnie, I'm not trying to threaten you or be mean man. I want to make that clear. I would like to get to know you. I have to do some growing, and realizing my fiance is human and has friends that are male. I know its not your fault. I guess in a way, I'm on the road to correcting this jealousness. Ultimately I feel it will no longer be a problem when I have forged a stronger bond with Dreama, which we are working toward very hard.

    Oh yeah, and thanks.