Jealousy and my story.....

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by chad71, Oct 30, 2011.

  1. chad71

    chad71 New Member

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    Hello everyone. I am brand spanking new to the forums and first want to say hello. I have been reading a lot and it seems like this website has a lot of very cool down to earth sincere people.

    My wife and I have been married for 12 years. for Her last birthday, about 2 months ago, I decided to get her another man for a MFM threesome. This was a first experience of any 3 way or more way we had ever encountered and we were both a bit nervous. I found a guy, and we had a blast. There was a little jealously on my part the following few days after but it was very little and it really jump started our love life. Our encounter was mild and simple. The guy was a true gentleman and very concious of both me and my wife. It was pretty much me making love to my wife with a extra dick in the room. Which is what we both wanted to be honest.

    While I was looking for this guy I was also contacted by a couple that is also our age wanting to hook up. I talked to this couple for weeks before we agreed to meet them for dinner. A few weeks later we did hook up at their house. I went upstairs with his wife and my spouse went into a different bedroom with him. His spouse was very much into me however I am very much a slow type lover in bed and my comfort level has to grow with a woman. Her husband is also like me and nothing crazy happened. My wife and I agreed beforehand that condoms were mandatory but outside of that it was open to personal decisions. We both had sex and got off but it was awkward. The next day i had horrendous jelousy issues, which were made worse when I found out she was penetrated without a condom. Briefely because she made him stop pretty much immediately and go get one. But it still happened. It took me about 2 weeks to chill out.

    I thought about the two experiences a lot for the next 3-4 weeks. I decided i wasn't jealous the first time because I was with my wife and involved the first time. The second time we seperated and i wasn't involved at all. That bothered me. So I thought what the hell. we are going out for a night out, lets find a guy. Total spur of the moment. I found a very very hot guy for her. He was nice,articulate, and a underwear model body. he was also 15 years our junior. This time it did not go so good. He asked as soon as we started ," Kissing/ no kissing?" I replied that it was up to her... well, he didnt ask her he kissed her. I was not ready for that I will be honest. from that point on he was very agressive. very much just fuck fuck fuck. For the first time EVER.... i couldnt get a hardon. That says a lot coming from a guy that can kill almost a 5th of whiskey and fuck all night long. This has never ... ever been a problem for me. As a result .... i got to watch her get fucked over and over that night. I was involved to a degree. But it was a total different experience from the first. I am not a cuckhold guy ... at all. Again i am dealing with feelings of jealousy and regret.

    It seems like when I believe I have something figured out I find I was off base. I ask myself why the hell do I put myself through this. My wife asks me the same question. A close friend of mine asked me if i was trying to self destruct or ruin my marriage. My relationship with my wife is very strong. We both love each other to death and have two kids at home. I am not a stupid man, but for the life of me can not figure out why i am doing this. I think I WANT these adventures to be just that. I WANT to be one of these sexually liberated individuals i read about. I just dont know If I can or not. What totally blows my mind is that all of this from day one was my idea. My spouse had to be convinced. I was sure when we met the couple on our second encounter she would be the one to have hangups if anyone. I was suprised to find out she had no hangups. she had no jealousy issues at all. That rather shocked me because she has always said she would never share me with another woman in a million years LOL.

    I would be interested to know what others in the lifestyle have experienced and if they have had any similar situations. If your still reading this, sorry for such a lengthy post. Sincerely, Chad
     
  2. Meee

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    Hi, Chad! Welcome to the site.

    I think you and I don't read the same things, LOL. Anyway, I'm not in the lifestyle. But I think it's possible to be adventurous and liberated in a sexual relationship with one other person. If you decide to stop doing these things that make you so jealous, you still don't have to give up adventure and liberation. Read around these forums. You'll be amazed at some of the things couples do just between themselves.
     
  3. she

    she New Member

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    I think that you are trying to get into a lifestyle that you're not mentally ready for. You are letting other men fuck your wife and then sulking about it afterwards. I am the jealous type and would not allow such. But if you can get over yourself then it's possible you can continue this type of lifestyle. however, from people I've known who have done this, the relationship has failed. She will eventually think you don't want her anymore or you will think shes fantasizing another fuck or no one will trust each other anymore, this is very dangerous territory. Please learn more about it and how to handle the emotional baggage thats certainly already affected you. tread lightly my friend. Good luck, and welcome to the forum.
     
  4. kell260

    kell260 New Member

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    Sometimes we fantasize about things and we think it will be just like what we want but reality is totally different. I remember I went to see a femdom a couple of times I had a fantasy about being tied up. When I did it I was not turned on at all in fact I felt stupid. You tried it and it wasn't like you thought it would be. If your wife is happy with you and life is good just let it go no one is to blame you just need to move on. I know a couple who were swingers for years, but mostly it was the husband that liked the swinging. Eventually the wife left him for a guy who they were swinging with. She later said her ex husband was selfish and she only did it because she loved him and wanted to please him.
     
    #4 kell260, Nov 4, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2011
  5. McGumby

    McGumby New Member

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    We've never done it but talked about it many times. DW is bi-curious and is also interested in certain other men. I'm willing, but she is not really ready. We've talked a lot and I've contemplated my feelings and I don't think, I'd be jealous. My fantasy is to have some guy take her off and have his way with her. I'd love to watch too. DW admits she'd like to do it, but she also knows she'd feel guilty afterward. She is learning to deal with that, because when she gets hot and bothered, she has a tendency to push her limits. She likes pushing things, but just has the baggage to deal with.

    Like I said, I don't think I'd be jealous but who knows for sure until you do it. We know a lot of people in the lifestyle and most seem really happy and grounded. My impression is most of them have managed to disconnect the act of making love from the emotion of loving someone. In other words, sex does not equal love. It's mostly recreational with other people.

    I'd be careful of you're partners. If someone like that third guy shows up again, kick his ass out. There is no reason you should have to put up with that. I'd guess the feelings of jealousy are normal to an extent. You just have to find a way to deal with them or compartmentalize them. If they are really strong feelings, maybe the lifestyle isn't for you. I guess I actually do feel jealous, its just that the mild feelings turn me on. It's exciting and taboo.

    If it starts to feel like more than that, you should reconsider, or maybe screen your partners better. Nothing wrong with a little dinner before hand to feel a person out. If a guy seems aggressive, rude or whatever, give him the wrong room number. It's all pretty delicate stuff and every person I've talked to in the lifestyle, whether they are hardcore swappers or just occasionally invite another woman into their bed for the wife, they all stress communication and setting boundaries. I wouldn't give up, just be more careful and never stop talking about you're feelings.
     
    #5 McGumby, Nov 4, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2011
  6. Alwayslearningsex

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    I will cut a lot of stuff from what I can talk about but overall you mention the type of person you want to be, the reality of it all is the difference of you you want to be, and who you are. Really unless you are present and will NOT have any insecurity about, the fact is that it's not for you, and insisting on more of it will ruin your relationship.
    Have you tried FMF? Is wife open to try? It doesn't take away your feelings with MMF so if you can't do it be fair with FMF unless she likes it like you do.
     
  7. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    What's your wife's opinion on all this? Have you two sat down and had a heart to heart about it?
    I too am concerned she might have simply gone ahead with it to please you, in which case, find a way to be sexually liberated without involving others.......roleplay perhaps, strangers meet in a hotel bar.....an oldie but a goodie lol xxx
     
  8. cbrmale

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    One posting and run away? I have had sex with a few couples, so I've seen this from the other side. The husbands wanted to do full-blown swinging but their wives were not comfortable knowing their husbands would be having sex with another woman, so the two-male threesome was the option they picked. They chose me because I was similar in age, and had a well-written profile. I take the view that I'm being allowed into an intimate space, and it's their fantasy and their rules. So that's what we do, and if the husband wanted to watch me go down on his wife or us having sex, then that's what we did. And if he then wanted to join in, maybe oral from his wife, I gave him room so we were all involved. All good and at the end wife happy (very happy), husband happy, and in one case I'm sure they went on to more adventurous things. Maybe the next step worked out and maybe it didn't. By the way we always had condom-free sex, indeed this was stipulated, and this surprised me until I worked out the reason why.

    I do know that two-male threesomes, couple-swapping and more are very common (it surprises me just how common). With my couples, the progression from fantasy to reality has been almost identical (his fantasy, her rules, his agreement to those rules, she gets really hot about it, and is totally blown away by what follows). Are women chaste, natually monogamous creatures? Not likely! Give some married women the opportunity to have sex with another guy she's had a few email conversations with, and nothing will stop her! One couple drove 300km to have a threesome with me, and she professed to be wet with anticipation by the time we met.

    I think this is what married men have to deal with. We must take a step back and realise the ultimate sex session is just that, great sex, and a lifetime relationship is something else entirely, and we ought not to feel jealous about what is just sex.

    Think about it from my perspective, the man who had sex with the wives. Do they now fantasise about me? Not likely. Does they want to leave her husbands to have a full-blown relationship with me because, once, we had sex? No. Did they have a fantastic time having sex with me? Yes. It's all mixed, and yet it's quite simple. We did have great times together, the wives more than me and the wives more than their husbands (because women can have sex with two men, and have many orgasms, and we man can't do either of those things). But those women love their husbands, not me, and will, perhaps, love those husbands even more for allowing them to explore beyond, and to have a fantastic time.