Jealousy and Cheating

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Flame, May 2, 2011.

  1. Flame

    Flame New Member

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    In my mind
    A friend of mine told me the other day that there is a really simple way to know if your partner is cheating. If he (or she) gets jealous and starts accusing you of being up to something, it's a sure sign that he (or she) is in fact messing around (or seriously contemplating it).

    Logically that does make sense, but it can't be that simple! I'm not a very jealous person myself but I'm sure that many people who are, are not jealous simply because they feel guilty about what they themselves are up to.

    But I'd be curious to hear from others who have cheated or found out that they were being cheated on. Is there a connection with jealousy?
     
  2. talldarknaverage

    talldarknaverage New Member

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    There might be in some cases of course, but if someone is accusing their SO of cheating, etc...they might themselves be innocent and really think they are being cheated on. Perhaps they are picking up on legit evidence of cheating, or as you suggest, perhaps they are trying to cover up their own actions. They is certainly no way to generalize here, that type of behavior would have to be looked at on a person by person basis and weighed aginst their normal behavior.
     
  3. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Here's how I've heard it explained. Someone who is suspicious of another person often has a self-awareness of how easy it is to cheat. Someone who is not suspicious believes that cheating is hard to do and unlikely to happen. Kind of a thing where we have a natural tendency to see our partners as we see ourselves.
     
  4. nurseharley

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    it is true that one's own guilt can lead to paranoia, but i'm not sure it's too common.

    when my ex cheated on me, he never really seemed to care what i was doing. maybe that was because he was usually drunk and i was paying the bills
     
  5. CruelTease

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    I cheated & got caught (well, I came clean) and I can't say it made me any more jealous/insecure than before.

    I should have been, as it turns out...
     
  6. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    Jealousy and cheating - ultimately they come from a breakdown in communication in a relationship. Communication is key to building up trust. When you have trust you can share all your thoughts and feelings, even when you or your partner might not like where those thoughts and feelings are headed.

    For instance I love my girlfriend, but I sometimes I long to have sex with another woman. The thought of being with one woman for the rest of my life fills me with fear and despair, no matter how much I love her. A few years ago, I summoned up my courage and told her my feelings about this. I had expected tears and anger, but in fact she looked faintly relieved. Apparently she had been having the same thoughts about me! We both laughed about this, and we have such a good sex life (that is inclusive to other people) that we never get jealous. Sometimes she tries to make me jealous by kissing another girl in front of me, and then not letting me kiss them, but it's all very fun and playful.

    I don't feel jealousy with my partners but more compersion (the opposite of jealousy).
     
  7. GreyGoose

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    When I was cheated on my girl would accuse me of cheating, talkin to girls or flirting. Constantly on me about me doing wrong but I wasn't. My mother told me usually the one accusing is the one that's doing and she was right.
     
  8. backcheck64

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    I'll never understand why anyone would pay another person's way inless they are married and part of an arrangement. You're smarter than that T. I havent' been unemployed since I was 13, part of the time had two or more jobs, even while in college. And while my wife was a stay at home mom for 12 yrs, she ran my office out of the home so...technically she was working, and being a mom is the hardest job there is.


    I can't really say I've cheated, back in HS there was no commitments, most of the girls new I was making the rounds. Never even considered cheating on my wife. Never been cheated on.

    Of the guys I know that have cheated, they were careful not to change too much....until they were ready to leave their wife for the other women. Most guys have seen the lists of warning signs and the guys I know took care not to throw up any flags. To be fair, the guys I'm usually are around are professionals and busienss owners. Bubba at the 7/11 may not care and trip all of the flags at once.

    The way I look at it, asside from the undying love I have for my wife, if I'm going to risk basicly everything, the "other woman" has to be so far above my wife in looks, sexual prowess, intellegence, etc. I've yet to find one that can top her in any category much less all of them, so....still married after all of these years.
     
  9. nurseharley

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    i was very dumb when i was 20-21! and since i was pretty much living with him, i paid my share and that slowly turned into paying more.
     
  10. GreyGoose

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    I don't understand what fool would cheat on you Trish