Jealously Advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by clonly602, Sep 9, 2014.

  1. clonly602

    clonly602 Member

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    My wife and I are celebrating our 19th year today in fact. Over the past weekend we had another couple and one single guy over for some group sex. We have played with each of them in the past and there has always been one issue.

    I am jealous of the single guy. He is a great friend of ours but there has always been an attraction to him from my wife and him to her. Anytime they are drunk it is like to magnets, hard to seperate them. She swears it is safe and she would never dop anything without me yet .. I have caught them several times "just messing around" or "so and so was just here with us". Honestly one night was the worst. It was a normal night no group sex or anything but we were in the spa with another buddy (gay) and she turned the lights off and the bubbles on and was trying to jack him off infront of all of us. I turned the light on and the bubbles off but she did it again. I stood up and left ubruptly. They knew why. She never fessed up or apoogized for it. I am afraid what might happen when I am not there. :(

    The last weekend thing was 3 guys and 2 girls. The guys are all straight and one girl is bi from the waist up. LOL My wife is more then happy to go down of vice versa. So there was small play between the girls no other action then kissing and sucking boobs. The other guy (married) was sort of just there... he played with my wife but I didn't see anything major. The single guy and my wife were 98% toghether all night, which I guess I was too with the other wife (since mine was taken) She never kissed me or sucked/ fucked me or even looked at me, once his pants were off. I felt like this was her way of getting what she wanted without straight out cheating.

    Obviously I know that there is more but she said it is not love or even lust. She also has a hard time facing the truth. While I am honest to the core.

    I do not want to ruin our group sex fun, but dont think I can have him there ever again for those nights.

    We have had the "talk" as husband and wife in the past and it does not seem to sink in how much this hurts me. (She doesn't understand how it is ok for other people just not him)

    My question is what is the best way to not loose a friendship but not tempt them either? (I am at the point where I think it may be best, but I am the jealous one too ....)

    1. No drinking when together with him... possible but sort of boring.
    2. Honest with him (he will just never call us again)
    3. Get over it... she comes home to me everynight
    4. Just don't invite him out when I know there will be copious amount of booze.
    5. Punch him in his dick?
     
  2. evrythiniscontd

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    Mate I haven't ever been in your situation so of course my words may hold no substance but thinking over this and your potential outcomes I can not stop reverting back to the thought... you just have to take her word for it. Don't doubt the one you truly love and don't let your mind get in the way. You know her better than anyone so no matter how well this other guy gets on with her he ain't got nothing on you two. Either that or punch him in the dick ;)
     
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  3. clonly602

    clonly602 Member

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    Thanks. One for get over and one for dick punch.
     
  4. AGFUNK

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    Sounds like there is more to it. If she does this stuff and knows how you feel about it cut him off. Your marriage is more important than a fuck.
     
  5. evrythiniscontd

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    yep!! forget what I said and go with that!!!
     
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  6. _lookin4fun_

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    Bro I'm afraid you wont get any sympathy from me. If you and the wife decided to walk down that road, you should have had some idea that this was a possibility. If the roles were reversed, what would your response be? I say enjoy the ride or talk to your wife about stepping away from any extra "playmates" at all. Again just my two cents.
     
  7. evrythiniscontd

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    'reap what you sow' as such! Tough Situation. I'm out lol
     
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  8. 10_3XL

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    I'd say this calls for a "Cage Match"/"Come to Jesus Meeting."
    Get all three of you together and have an open and frank discussion of the situation. Avoid getting too heated or accusatory, of course, because you just want to put it all out there - not go on The Attack. :eek:
    It may come to you having to cut him from your life (for the time being). It would suck, but if that is what will help preserve the integrity of your marriage then it's what the situation calls for.
    Or if nothing else punch him in the dick. (But please get it on film and share here, because the mental image of you straight up delivering a brutal haymaker to his crotch has me in stitches.)
     
  9. Mittimer

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    I know my response won't be the popular one, but here it is.

    My question is why do you have issue with him only? Your jealousy should realistically have no standing on what your wife does. It's downright unfair for you to pull the plug on their fun because you are jealous of him.

    Jealousy is a personal "inner demom" feeling, if you will. It has nothing to do with him or what she's doing, it's your own insecurities. Have you actually faced her and told her that you're having jealousy issues? That the attraction rubs you the wrong way?

    You've opened up pandoras box by allowing this group stuff. You're sleeping with other women and I assume she's slept with other men, it's just this one she has attraction to. Have you considered the fact that she could be so into him because he doesn't have a wife standing over him watching another girl do what she's doing? It can be awkward having a spouse watch you fuck their SO.

    It doesn't mean she's going to leave you, but forcefully cutting him out of your lives because of personal jealousy will cause a rift between you and your wife.

    Consider this, if he's never broken your trust and you've allowed them to get as far as they have, then he's done nothing wrong and you are punishing a friend for nothing.

    Talk to your wife, be honest, be open and don't have ANY group play time with anyone until you two can work through these feelings. You need to learn how to control your jealousy and she needs to be honest about her feelings and learn to help you cope with what you're feeling.
     
  10. Doitagain

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    Damn...well said Mittimer.

    I do have to add that I sort of understand the " jealousy " he is feeling though. However I don't know I'd call it jealousy. It seems all the other play is fine and yeah I think him not having a wife may be part of the reason she is so into him. However if she knows you have a problem with just him and you have talked about it yet she continues I think THAT is a problem. And if he knows and continues that is sort of an f u from him. You do have to expect some of these things to occur but if you are not on the same page with limits than I would have to say stop until you are.
     
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  11. 10_3XL

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    I'd pay attention to these two, clonly602. They know what they're talking about from experience (whereas I was/am just kinda taking stabs in the dark).
     
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  12. clonly602

    clonly602 Member

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    Wow.. I am impressed with the advice, the thought, the insight and the willingness to understand my feelings. It is hard to describe it all when no one knows us. Thanks!

    We ( I ) was not happy with the resolution from Mondays discussion so I was still "bothered" and she knew it. I could also tell she had something on her mind as well. We stayed up too late this am talking it through.

    My jealousy towards him is 90% the one on one attention she gives him, she laughs, she play fights, she is giddy. She can kiss him for an hour. All the things we used to do. 10% of it is he has the perfect cock for fucking. Long, thick and can seriously go all night. I can separate the sex vs the love portion. So it is mostly an attention thing.

    My inner demon is alive and present. It is a very unusual place for me to be. I have faced the inner truth and determined I feel disrespected/hurt when she has an almost sub-conscience attraction to him when they drink. I get it though, she pointed out I have had an attraction to a mutual GF as well but I never did anything that would be hurtful to my wife. (only in my head) :)

    I would be unwilling to cut him loose as he is a good friend and a good person. I mentioned that I don't want to have any more group play with him involved any more...she laughed and said "we will see." I knew this was her way of diffusing the conversation but she knew that I did not find it funny at all.

    I asked her yesterday to tell me if she loved him, tell me why there is an attraction. She couldn't tell me, which made me feel like she was withholding the truth. (vicious circle I tell ya)

    He does not know. Well sort of... I have caught them several times and he knew I was unhappy about it. I have never mentioned it but it was clear.

    I will wear the go-pro if I decide to dick punch the poor hung bastard. LOL

    Thanks Guys. I appreciate the help.
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    I come late to the party and not read everyone's responses but from what the OP is saying it looks to me a classical case of his wife and friend having super compatible chemistry for which he the husband feels envy and proprietary towards his wife.
    Whilst harsh my advice would be to quit all sexual activities outside the marriage because now that the J genie is out and free of the bottle it is not about to withdraw any time soon.
     
  14. clonly602

    clonly602 Member

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    I have thought of that as well. Honestly I could go out tonight and be with the other couple we were with last weekend. I am not 100% against her being sexual with everyone... just him. We spoke again last night and she is afraid the J genie will pop out when she least expects it. Who knows it could... but I think that is normal. (not my preferred either trust me)

    We realized that we have been complacent and taking each other for granted. 2 kids, 2 businesses, and all the stuff in between is tough. We have a plan to sit down, just us, no outside distractions, and talk. It could be about dinners for the week, or struggles we are facing, but it needed to be done.

    We needed this fight... it has been years and might be our 3-4th in 20+ years. Yeah were that couple. :)

    Thanks
     
  15. 12barblues

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    My quick 2 cents... I never really understood jealousy. If I were to think that my wife wanted to be with someone other than me? Or that another man were better for her than I was ? I would step down. Now I'm not talking about a physical attraction , or that type of " chemistry" thing.. I mean as her soulmate.. She may have a stronger physical attraction to another guy.. I mean that's kinda one of the draws to the lifestyle you're living.. But For any of us to feel that we are the most attractive person on the planet would be silly, right? So obviously there will be men she finds more attractive... But if you ever feel like someone else is a better partner for her, on an emotional level.. Then there is trouble in paradise...
     
  16. 12barblues

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    I also didn't check how old this thread was .. Lol.. Hopefully things worked out
     
  17. 10_3XL

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    Man... way to drop the ball there, 12BB.
    /shakes head in disappointment/
    :p:D:p:D
     
  18. Cappy_Dick

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    It's been a month since they logged in, so it's looking like one of those one question wonders.

    xx
     
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  19. clonly602

    clonly602 Member

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    Yeah, it has been a bit since I logged on... everything is good.

    I agree with the "soul mate" aspect, but honestly we are the soul mate couple, which is why is is hard for me to understand.

    We have spoke about possible senarios and have determined that maybe it is best to not involve him in the extra activites we have on rare occasion. That being said I am still worried. We have our annual trip up north. We take guys in one vehicle and girls in the other, seperate for the day, hitting up bars and such on the way to the meeting point. We drink more then we should and all have a great time. I am wondering do I mention our previous conversations regarding him or let it play out and hope for the best. 99% of me wants to bring it up before hand. The other 1% wants to see if anything we spoke about stuck or if we were blowing smoke.
     
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  20. DDoBetter

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    question. Is there anything ur friend does to your wife that you can see makes her lust him in a manner that makes u jealous? or is it like u mentioned b4, "he has a perfect dick" and u feel like you cant or shouldnt have to compete with.