I've never reached orgasm

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Liz20x, May 31, 2004.

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  1. Liz20x

    Liz20x New Member

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    I'm young... just turned 18 and i've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. The problem is that I have never reached orgasm with him during sex or heavy petting or by myself. I don't even think I've come close. Part of the reason I think is because I focus too much on either getting one or what is happening around me to get one. I have a vibrator I bought from Spencers as something to try when i was younger and it didn't ever do anything for me. I'd get good sensations which I normally get for about 2 seconds and they go away... and this generally happens when I'm alone masterbating. Is that an orgasm? ...because if so, that's dissapointing. I soon get tired after I hit that little peak though. ...but again, that's only happened when I've been by myself. My boyfriend has told me he sees a difference in my lubrication after he's fingered me for a while. He has told me it has the consistancy of ejaculate even though I don't feel as though I have come. What's happening here and what can I do to help? :(
     
  2. mr_fongo

    mr_fongo New Member

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    hi, welcome to the forums :)

    Apparently from what i've read:

    To reach orgasm you have to be relaxed and "in the mood"
    Not all women get an orgasm when having intercourse
    When you get an orgasm you will bloody well know it :D
     
  3. Antinomy

    Antinomy New Member

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    I agree that there will be no doubt in your mind that you have had an orgasm if you manage to have one.

    What kind of vibrator do you have? Does it have significant power, or is it weak? If it is weak, I suggest you get one of the models that plug into the wall and are designed for giving massages. Another thing you might want to try is a hand-held shower massager.

    I'm not female, but I have a series of tapes on sex therapy that I have watched, and I've read a couple of books. The following comes from those sources. They suggest that a pre-orgasmic woman get a massager. Find a time where you won't be rushed and a location where you have some privacy. Take a hot bath and allow yourself to relax. You might want to listen to some soft music. Try to be as sensual to yourself as possible. Do things such put on body lotion; burn candles, or anything else you might like.

    When you are ready to begin masturbating, start by gently caressing yourself all over. Try to think sexy thoughts and have a sexual fantasy. You might want to use an erotic novel or pornography for inspiration. Once you feel yourself getting turned on, begin to use the massager. Try to stay within your fantasy without worrying about whether or not you are going to come. Try to keep building your sexual arousal. Other than that, my sources say to just let it happen. The key idea appears to be that you must allow yourself to become sufficiently sexually aroused for an orgasm to take place.

    When I, a man, masturbate, I've noticed that my attention continues to narrow as I build toward orgasm. First, I lose track of my surroundings. My sexual fantasy, if any, and the feelings in my body become all that I'm aware of. As my arousal builds and I get close to orgasm, my attention becomes focused on the feelings in my genitals. Finally, when the orgasm hits, my attention narrows exclusively to that. Someone could set a bomb off in the room, and I wouldn't notice.

    I hope that helps.
     
  4. Liz20x

    Liz20x New Member

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    thank you. that's all very helpful. anyone else want to give a shot at it? i need all the advice and feedback i can get.
     
  5. free2Bme

    free2Bme New Member

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    Try not to put so much pressure on yourself! Nothing can keep you from having an orgasm like stress will. I wholeheartedly agree with the gentleman below about relaxing, taking your time and setting the mood. Music, candles, lotion and most importantly a private setting will certainly help. This may be something you want to try on your own until you get the hang of it. No matter how close you may be with your partner, you may be setting expectations for yourself to do this for him.

    You'll need to experiment with what you like and dislike. No two people are the same when it comes to that. Explore with your hands and definately try a good vibrator. You may want to try a vibrator that provides clitoral stimulation as well as vaginal stimulation. Many women need clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. There are many variations, but the Rabbit Pearl vibrator (or something similar) is a great choice. Nightstand Novelties is my source for these items ;-). Can't give you the exact address, but I'm sure you can figure it out. For clitoral stimulation only, try the Pocket Rocket or a vibrating bullet. Here is another key - good lubrication! Get a water-based lube. I can't stress this enough. Even if you feel like lubrication is not an issue, a little extra will help. Trust me. So many people overlook this simple step, and it is a great way to add to the pleasure for anyone involved.

    When you are with your partner, try different positions. Having your partner behind you (for lack of a better term -doggy style) is a good way to stimulate the g-spot...and the bonus is that your partner can also reach around you and provide clitoral stimulation during intercourse.

    Finally, as others have mentioned, you'll know it. You may also feel continuous contractions of the vaginal muscles following an orgasm, and usually afterwards a relaxing overall feeling of well, pleasure... Don't get discouraged. Experiment. The feelings that you are getting may be part of the build up. You have plenty of time to have some fun and enjoy trying!

    Good luck to you!
     
  6. AmberGlow

    AmberGlow New Member

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    I know your pain, I've only had 2, both were when I got eaten out (which, has only been twice as well, since I feel bad making guys, like, stuff their face in there). I would say have him eat you out more (I don't know if you have done that from your post). All the girls I know say that they have the best orgasms that way.

    If you are on medication or if you were molested as a kid that could have something to do with it, too.
     
  7. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Ladies,

    Do a search for Slightest Touch. There are patches to put on your legs that will get you ready. Money Back Guarantee. HTTP://www.slightesttouch.com

    I have seen ads for a Tantric Vulva Massage Tape. I have not viewed it, but I have always found my wife's pubic mound receptive. I usually start massaging the public mound. I had not relaized that the vulva was sensive to stimulation along the thighs. I have recently been massaging my wife's vulva from the side of her legs. My wife is sensitive around the clitoris, and is not ready for clit contact until ready to come.

    Incorporating the use of a vibrator in the sequence of love making may assist.

    Blessings
     
  8. Liz20x

    Liz20x New Member

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    he performs oral sex on me often... he likes to, and i never get one from this. normally, after 5 or so minutes i just don't like the feeling anymore. it's as if i had my fun... and now i'm over it sort of. at first, inital contact feels awesome... and in the middle i get the shaky legs for maybe .2 seconds and then i just tell him "i'm done." he gets discouraged and i feel so bad... but nothing comes of it. ha. no pun intended. :)
     
  9. HiCCup

    HiCCup New Member

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    Am a guy...quite actively involved in sex with gf...we worked things out through communication as it's the best tool in sex..try to know what you want and what you would like to feel and share it with your partner. You can't rely solely on your partner for you to reach orgasms, meaning you gotta help/enjoy yourself during intercourse to reach your desire. So far 90% of the time, my gf cums first and most of the time, she had done it best when she's on top of me. This way,you could actually control the depth of penetration and so on...all da best...
     
  10. bobcat

    bobcat New Member

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    The majority of these types of cases are phyological, however occasionally they can be physical, however physical defects of the body that will affect sexual function usually become apparent during puberty, as the do not soley affect your ability to have an orgasim.

    What type of person are you in your day to day life? Nervous, obsessive, neurotic? This can affect your sexual function. Try to get more into it, by choosing a safe, relaxing location, and engauging in at least a half hour of foreplay, before you even go near eachothers privates. Also try to clear your mind of all thoughts of the day, work, and life before hand too....even try meditating before hand, it may sound stupid, but meditation is great for relaxation, and clearing the mind of those thoughts that nag at you. And most importaintly do not become fixated on achiving and orgasm, just go with what's happening at that moment.

    Failing that, go the other way and use shock tactics, try and have sex in a public place, perhaphs the adrenaline pumping around may help, and take your mind off trying to hit the zone. Or find a boy friend with a motor bike, all I have to do is take a girl for a few laps on the bike, and she is half way there.
     
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