I've Got A Problem

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by ermm, Mar 4, 2008.

  1. ermm

    ermm New Member

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    My fiance and I have been together for close to two years now and we've always had a very good relationship. We didn't fight, we had a physical and sexual relationship, all that good stuff. We'd always hold hands or just be touching each other in some way, non-sexual and sexual.

    Lately, things have been different and I feel like it's my fault. I used to be incredibly attracted to her, every day I told her how hot she was, always complimented her, etc. Then she started gaining weight. She still isn't fat, but her stomach is really... pudgy? I don't know how to put it, other than to say she's gained about 30 lbs in the last year. I'm a very healthy, physical person, so she knew this bothered me, yet she never did anything about it. I never wanted to come right out and say anything about it, because I don't want to hurt her. But at the same time, it's made it so I'm not really attracted to her anymore.

    We finally talked about how this bothers me a couple weeks ago, and I felt horrible. It made me feel shallow, especially when she said there's nothing about me she would change. But, she said she would work on losing weight. The only problem is, she's done nothing about it.

    I feel horrible because I'm not attracted to her anymore, but I still love her. And the fact that we've been having mini-fights bothers me too, because like I said, we never did before. A lot of the things she does bother me now, and they didn't before. We've talked about things, but nothing seems to be resolved. It's resulted in the complete loss of romance in our relationship. We don't old hands anymore, no more massages or foot rubs, we don't really "kiss" anymore, it's just little pecks...

    I still love her and I would never want to do anything to hurt her. I also know that we can't go on like we are right now, we're just sliding apart, and I don't want to lose her. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Dreama

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    If 30 pounds is all that was keeping your relationship from ruin, it might not be the right one for you to be in. I suspect there is an emotional reason that could perhaps explain why she gained. It might do you well to address that first...I mean, that's the most important part, anyway. And, sometimes it take awhile for someone to get the motivation to do things about their weight. You can't rush that, and if you can't wait, that's not her fault. I would really hope that you would more want her to lose weight because of her health. I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh, but that's what I see in your post. Good luck!
     
  3. Barbwire

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  4. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    all I can say is wow...
     
  5. heelfetish

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    It sounds to me that there is other issues in the relationship besides her weight. Just like other things are bothering you, her current fitness is bothering you too. I doubt the weight is the cause of the problems, but rather the effect.

    If you truly love her, and want to be with her, then make a conscience effort to bring back those elements of your relationship that are currently MIA. Hug her, kiss her passionately, tell her how beautiful she is. Stay positive. Don't talk about her weight! Perhaps if the relationship improves that will ease whatever it is that's causing her weight gain. Perhaps it won't. But the fact is you have to either accept her as she is, or not. But you can't force her to change.
     
  6. Dreama

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    Excellent advice.