It my wife ever going to like sex??

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by parisoft, Feb 24, 2007.

  1. parisoft

    parisoft New Member

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    Is my wife ever going to like sex??

    Well I am 29 and my wife is 33 and we have a 4yr old and a 5 yr old. Since we got married my wife has never been able to have an orgasm through intercourse. She of course loves for me to help her orgasm in many other ways but she doesnt enjoy intercourse at all she only does it because I like it. We have been married for 7 years now and it is getting to the point were we only have sex maybe once evey 3 weeks (I of course have a high sex drive and would have it ever day if I could). So I am looking to see if any one else has been or is in a similar situation and may have some advice.???????
     
    #1 parisoft, Feb 24, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2007
  2. pirouette

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    Can you be more specific about what she doesn't like? Is it uncomfortable for some reason? Do you engage in enough foreplay? There must be some reason she finds it unpleasant.
     
  3. parisoft

    parisoft New Member

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    She says she doesnt get any thing out of it its not that it is uncomfotable she just feels like it is only for me and she is just there. And the foreplay is normally about 15 to 20 min. she doesnt like it to go much longet than that and that is mostly me pleasuring her very rarly the other way around. but once she orgasms she just want to have intercours as soon as possible and as quick as possible so I can orgasm.
     
  4. pirouette

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    Have you tried using your fingers to stimulate her during sex? Perhaps you aren't using a position that would stimulate her directly? Do you try new positions?
     
  5. parisoft

    parisoft New Member

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    I have done that and she likes it ok but it she says it doesnt feel as good because I cant get my fingers in the same position as I could the other way. Yes we have tryed different possitions but she gets frustrated easy and then looses all interest. She was sexually abused as a kid and raped as a teen so we know its not easy for her mentally some times. But she wants to make this work real bad.
     
  6. pirouette

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    Ok. So what "positioning" is needed to make it work? Doggy style is a good position for that. Have you considered alternation between oral and intercourse? I find it erotic to have both done randomly back and forth.
     
  7. parisoft

    parisoft New Member

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    I have done that before and she loved it the first time but then she had a few brake downs when I was on top so we have rulled out that position all together to keep that from happenening again. She does like doggy style and we have tried it at diferent angles but she still cant have an orgasm she said she read somewere that most women cant have orgams through sex but she has never even had one except clitoral.
     
  8. pirouette

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    Yes, but I'm sure it isn't necessary. Give it a few hours and I'm certain you'll get some excellent advice. Bighiker is pretty knowledgeable.....
    If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do. :)
     
  9. parisoft

    parisoft New Member

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    ok thanks.
     
  10. cbrmale

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    The ghost of Freud still lives. I've been married almost 21 years, any my wife rarely orgasms through intercourse. Not that she minds, my oral skills are excellent, and after and orgasm (or two or more) that way, intercourse is a pleasure.

    In your case, there are two issues. One is you are expecting your wife to orgasm through intercourse, and somehow it seems like any other orgasm is second best, when we all know that female orgasms really happen through clitoral and / or g-spot pressure, and intercourse is never very good for applying the right pressure in the right places.

    However, she doesn't enjoy intercourse, and you don't have sex very often, and this is not good. I mean we can suggest ways to help her orgasm through various tricks we employ, but the real issue compared to the other women on the forum is her past sexual abuse and rape, and this is most likely preventing her from enjoying the intimacy that intercourse provides. Because for a woman, being penetrated by her lover, feeling him inside her, and feeling his strength and vulnerability at the same time is an emotional bonding par excellence, and all the orgasms or not orgasms in the world won't change the deep connection of two lovers as one.

    In your case, the bonding is possibly empty because of past issues. If you haven't had professional help as a couple, I suggest you do, because this is bigger than any of us can help you with. If you have had professional help, you probably need more. I am not a psychologist, but I have studied some psychology, and it is remarkable how a qualified psychologist can help individuals and couples overcome sexual issues. I suggest you take this route, or retake this route with someone you are both comfortable with, and let us know how it goes.
     
  11. parisoft

    parisoft New Member

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    Well... 1) I dont care if she ever has an orgasm through sex that is what she gets upset about not me and she has 2 to 3 orgasms per session wether with my mouth or hand (lucky for her I love to do either) so its not her lack in orgasmic intensity just the lack of enjoying actual intercorse itself. This causes her to get about 20 to 30 min worth of pleasuring and I get maybe 5 min. 2) We plan on seeking professional help as soon as money allows. We were just trying to see if there was something we could do to work on it in the mean time till we can afford it.
     
  12. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Sems every idea that has been suggsted is already something you have tried..... maybe try getting a copy of the Karma sutra ...take her out wine her dine her ( dont expect the sex for this ) just make her feel loved respected needed and adored....forget the sex,...the rest is more important for now, in other words she is far more important....if you would like her to enjoy sexual intamacy, then she has got to feel appreciated not that sex is the must have ...She has been violated in her past, this is tramatic...untill you can seek pro help. then just do things that she likes and you like, maybe youll both find thing that you both enjoy , that isnt about sex.....It just seems that maybe its not you she is not happy with, perhaps she does not feel happy with in herself i na sexual way...
    This issue you are both trying to deal wit hisnt something that will go away quickly maybe even wit hprofessional help...theres no quick cure unfortuantly.....time is meant to be a healer...this one may takke a lot of patience time undertanding and comforting her..

    These are just my thoughts on this, im not saying i am right or anything...but she does need a lot of TLC...
     
  13. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I feel that the rape issue is definitely playing into her inability to totally 'let go' during penetration-intercourse. A woman's psyche is a labyrinth, to say the least.

    kronnie's previous post is a great way to begin. I would encourage you to try that.

    Another factor that can wreak havoc with a woman's sexual freedom is simple exhaustion. Having two children at the age that yours are make for a very demanding day. When 'hubby' comes home and the night turns to a moment of sex, it can be construed as "just another person making just another demand on my time". This may be why she feels less compelled to spend time pleasuring you and giving you foreplay enjoyment. So, again, I refer to 'kronnie's' suggestion that you whisk her away for a day/evening away from all her responsibilities. It doesn't have to be something expensive, aside from finding a sitter for the kids. Relaxation is key for women to find new sensations within their own bodies.

    Good luck, parisoft!
     
  14. NaughtyKnickers

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    I am a very sensual woman, but having two kids can take the playfulness out of me, (and I don't even have a rape issue to struggle with!) :ugh

    To "whisk her away", spend some quiet, intimate time together that is non-sexual, and/or to offer her some quiet alone time, for her to care for, and relax by herself can go a long way in giving her some sense renewal and renewed sexual energy.
     
  15. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    That was the one thing that you should never have said, no matter what you wrote after it!!!!!

    It's up to you to find a way to make it happen?
    She's the receiver, you're the giver.
    Talk to each other about it and save the money you'll pay from seeking professional help, you can both work it out and make it fun, I promise!
     
  16. SexyScorp

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    I have never been with a man that doesnt care about me reaching an orgasm.....

    It appears I choose caring and considerate lovers...

    If a man doesnt care about the woman's pleasure......well.......that speaks volumes ........

    And if a woman has been sexually abused, she will probaby need help with that...
     
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I think 'parasoft's post has been taken out of context here.

    he never implied he didn't care if she ever orgasmed... the post indicates that she cannot orgasm through intercourse and must orgasm through other means. I beieve i see parasoft as a man who is very attentive to making sure his woman orgasms, and even multi-orgasms.

    The point he was making is that it bothers HER that she cannot orgasm through intercourse, and she would like to be able to (he is happy to bring her to orgasm in any form). So, he is asking for any ideas that he has perhaps not tried yet.

    jmho :rose
     
  18. parisoft

    parisoft New Member

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    Thank you rose that is exactly it! We tried for 3 years to get her to orgasm through intercourse but she finally got so frustrated she never wanted to try again so I leave it alone.

    This is what I have been doing for about 6 months now we both talked about it and we aggreed that I would not ask for or innitiate sex for a while and see if that helped (not easy at first but now used to it). The down side is this when we go to bed at night I cant help but think about sex when my beautiful wife gets into bed with a tight shirt and a thong. So I have to turn the other way and go straight to sleep. which most nights she doesnt care she just reads her book but some nights she is in a sweet mood and just wants to talk and maybe caress my arm or something for an hour or so well when that happens I unfortunatly get all exited (since I havent had sex in 3 to 4 weeks (still not innitiating anything) and then she goes to sleep and im awake for like 2 or 3 hours latter trying to get it out of my head).

    As far as the times we do have sex it is hard because one wrong move or touch and she is out of the mood. And if she feels pressured in any way she immidiatly gets out of the mood. So if we do go out some were nice she feels (in herself distraut knowing the evening would be grate if it ended in sex but upset that she cant now that she feels she should) obligated even though I dont expect it. Now we have had fianancial dificulty the last year but I now have a new job so we will have more money again soon. I do plan on telling her in the beggining that I dont want sex this weekend then take her out for 2 days away from the kids for her birthday. I am hoping this will help with that. as far as the things that dopnt cost money she is not an outdoor person so most things cost money, and curling up on the couch for a good movie is very common allready.
     
  19. cbrmale

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    If I thought wining and dining and being intimate would help, I would have posted it, but the issues seem deep and entrenched. I am not a 'mess with your head' type of psychologist, but what I can tell you is that the way a real psychologist can draw her, or the both of you out, and get you to focus on the real issues will leave you spellbound when it happens. I only hope you can save the money to have several sessions, because it will help you.

    In my country, psychologists are covered under our universal healthcare system as long as referred by a doctor. In your country, some people feel that things like psychological counselling are the priviledge of those who can afford it. Nonetheless, it is something worth looking forward to, when you have the resources to do so.
     
  20. SexyScorp

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    Maybe a sex therapist would be helpful....

    Sorry for the misunderstanding.....didnt mean to offend....

    Wishing you luck and love


    x