It is the men's turn. The Guy's Rules

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by johnnyangel694u, May 9, 2007.

  1. johnnyangel694u

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    The Guys' Rules

    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
    Finally , the guys' side of the story.

    ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)


    We always hear " the rules "

    From the female side.

    Now here are the rules from the male side.

    These are our rules!

    Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.

    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
     
    #1 johnnyangel694u, May 9, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2007
  2. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I have seen this quite a few times in different forums ....its cool and i know its meant as fun :p



    But i am not what you would call the ordinary male. lol
    I would be far far happier being in a room filled with females than one filled with guys.
     
  3. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    That's definitely a keeper. Thanks for posting Johnny. :)
     
  4. miss mary

    miss mary New Member

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    did you add the part in about sleeping on the couch being like camping yourself? that's adorable.
     
  5. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I like this one! I have always thought this!
     
  6. Bella

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    Thanks johnny! :)
    ~Bella
     
  7. johnnyangel694u

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    Glad you enjoyed it.

    NO. I can't take credit for any of it.

    Why is the toilet seat such a big issue. Just turn and look before you put your ass down.:lol

    You are quite welcome, Bella.:)
     
  8. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    :lol
     
  9. sexaholic

    sexaholic New Member

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    Hah, me too! In fact, SO wondered for some time after we started going out if I was gay. Most of those things on the list don't apply to me at all, nor do I have those troubles with my SO.

    This one, however, is very true:

    "1. Men are NOT mind readers."

    This one is close, not quite as true:

    "1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!"

    I think strong and obvious hints can work. But sometimes they are so INCREDIBLY subtle that I just wonder whether we are expected to have fine-tuned ESP, especially annoying when you get "I already TOLD you what the problem is, what do you want me to say?" NO, no, no!!! We need to actually be told, not connect the cryptographic dots from A to B to Z.
     
  10. Bluesy

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    You should thank us, doll. It's like Mars-Venus Sudoku--trying to decipher our true intent keeps your brain limber and youthful ;)
     
  11. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    lmfao i totally agree with EVERYTHING on there.....and ive seen it a few times but it never gets old...
     
  12. Krof

    Krof New Member

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    I agree whole-heartedly on 15 of those.

    I especially like these:
    "1. Men are NOT mind readers."
    "1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!"
    So true, we don't even know what dogs think. When male friends talk there are no subtle hints that give away a persons "feelings". Men say right out what they think and "feel" and if someone feels bad and doesn't feel like sharing it, then no one's the wiser. Advise to women: NO HINTS. We just don't get it.

    "1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down."
    Damn right! Who the hell came up with the idea that this would be an annoyance to women anyway?

    "1. Crying is blackmail."
    Every single time. We are defenseless against it's powers.

    "1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question."
    YES. There's no need to go "maybe", "I don't know", "whatever you want", those are all non-answers that tells us nothing. Sooner or later we're gonna have to learn to assume those answers mean "No". And then you won't get anything you want and be all confused about it. Well that's just because you don't know how to communicate your wishes/desires, please learn how to do it.

    "1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later."
    I've tried different approaches to this one. Either I say "I know something is wrong" and try to drag it out of her for an hour, or I wait until she comes to me 1hr later and tells me. I think that in both situations she just doesn't know what's wrong and that's why she says "nothing"... Girls, am I right? Do you feel bad for seemingly no real reason? In that case, just tell us that you feel shitty, you have your period and you need some comforting and we will do whatever it takes to comfort you. We like it better that way, an honest open approach to the problem instead of in shame going "nothing, nothing's wrong...".
     
  13. loveit247

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    I used to agree with the toilet seat thing until I fell in a toilet at 3 in the morning. Not funny! Now the only rule I have is that the seat needs to be put down at night.
     
  14. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    LOL... these are definitely keepers.
     
  15. loveit247

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    Please! Men really need to get off the period excuse. We say nothing because we are thinking of a way to explain it to you so that you puny little mind can actually absorb it!

    *meanness is a direct result of certain men playing the period card*
     
  16. sexaholic

    sexaholic New Member

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    ^ is the 'nothing' issue really purely female anyway? There's a bucketload of times when my SO asks me this question, and the reply is 'nothing' because I've no idea how to frame the problem, or don't even quite know what the problem is.
     
  17. loveit247

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    Exactly, my ex always used to give me the whole "nothing" in a grumpy voice thing. I used to say Ok and carry on with what I was doing. If he continued to sulk I would leave.
     
  18. BigDPhilly

    BigDPhilly New Member

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    As a guy I can say that those rules are NOT the ones I live by but...OK.

    How about a new set of rules that breaks the stereotype for all of the guys like me?

    1. Men don't HAVE to be mind readers. If you pay attention to your woman and listen to not only what she says but what she does not say, you'll gain deep insight into her needs.

    2. Be considerate. It takes a second to put the toilet seat down. What's the big deal? Small considerations go a long way.

    3. I hate sports. Not every guy wants to watch Sunday football. I would rather listen to jazz, drink Merlot, and make love all day on a Sunday.

    4. I have no problem with shopping. I enjoy spending the time with my woman and usually end up buying some nice things for myself, as well. I also like that she asks my opinion on her purchases and what guy wouldn't enjoy picking out sexy lingerie for the woman he loves?

    5. Crying is NOT blackmail. Crying is an expression of emotion, whether good or bad. Men do it, women do it, children do it. Sadly, we live in a society that teaches us men should not cry and women are overly emotional. That's bullshit. Lets evolve beyond the cro-magnon stereotypes.

    6. Women communicate differently than men. Both need to learn how to speak the other's language. This goes back to "paying attention": If you are attentive, the hints are as loud and clear as words.

    7. Maybe for a guy but not for a woman and unless you are in a relationship with a guy...you need to learn how to communicate more effectively. There is usually more to be said than a simple yes or no, especially when talking about important issues.

    8. Sympathy is what you give the woman you love. Period. If you can't manage to be sympathetic to your woman, then you need to find a blow-up doll that won't need you to become emotionally developed.

    9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is usually due to the man.

    10. Anything you speak into the relationship will always be there, days, weeks, months, or years later. Learn how to use wisdom and compassion when you argue and remember that you will not always be angry...so think about what you say and do.

    11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys. (Eh. I agree with this one 100%)

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. (Bullshit. Just remember that when you ask us we will NEVER tell you that you are fat, even if you are!)

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one (Bullshit. We usually say what we mean and talking it out is the best way to resolve the issue, not taking the easy way out.)

    1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. (True)

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. (We watch 2 hours of TV during the week so this doesn't apply. If TV is more important than your woman, then you have a serious problem.)

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. (Bullshit. We need directions on how to put down a toilet seat so why not how to drive from New Mexico to Philadelphia? We're not hunter-gatherers anymore and generations of breeding have stolen our instincts. MapQuest and Tom Tom are the new navigators. Use them and get over it)

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. (Not true. Any man with some cultural development will know what mauve is and can describe the subtle differences between colors, smells, tastes, etc.)

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. (Oh yeah)

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later. (Bullshit. Pay attention. If you have to ask what is wrong a few times then you missed something along the way.)

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Bullshit. Men, get a clue. Know when to answer, how to answer, and what to answer. Learn the secret language of women and you won't be on the SF personal forums trying to find cybersex all the time.)

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really. (Not true and men know it. If my wife put on a blue halter with yellow shorts while on our way to a banquet, I would have a problem with that.)

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or (Bullshit. Not every man is into this crap)

    1. You have enough clothes. (True)

    1. You have too many shoes. (True)

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! (Not true. Men should take care of their bodies and be in good health just like every one else.)
     
  19. sexaholic

    sexaholic New Member

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    ^ ooh, spectacular analysis...

    I do think women can sometimes be too cryptic, but I think most of this is spot on.

    I never understood the toilet seat thing either. Men might have to use the seat too (or have some here managed to 'evolve' past fecal matter?) so it seems to me like a natural default.

    And I sure as hell watch what I wear, so I'd expect my SO to do too. If I dress like a schmo, I feel like one. Same is true with my partner.
     
  20. BigDPhilly

    BigDPhilly New Member

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    I have found women to be too cryptic BEFORE I was in a relationship with them but after we started seeing each other I was able to pick up on her moods and subtle hints. It's exciting. Men are always saying how much they like a challenge so what better challenge than the twisting mystery of a woman you love?