Issues with cumming

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by AGFUNK, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. AGFUNK

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    My husband's sex drive has finally gone back to normal just as mine has died down a bit due to work, housework and taking care of little guy. We only have sex about once a week and usually at night on the floor when little guy is sleeping. On the rare occasion we get him to sleep in his stroller and we get to have sex in our bed. So because of all this hubby gets off almost every morning in the shower watching porn and sometimes another time when I'm at work if little guy falls asleep. He also watches porn during the second time as well.

    As most of you know I don't have a problem with porn, I watch it myself. I don't even care about what kind of porn he watches. I didn't even care about him getting off by himself since we cannot have sex that often. However now it's becoming a problem because he can't usually cum with me during sex. Out of the last six times we've had sex he has cum twice, once was with me jerking him. I think he has become used to his hand and porn. This has never been a problem before. I've tried talking to him and getting him to lay off masturbating so often so he can cum with me but that didn't work. Any tips, tricks or advice?
     
  2. ginger

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    I am by no means an expert but yes I would defo ask hubbie to lay off the porn, and may be try and not have sex for a few if not several days.

    good luck.
     
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  3. BlueCollar

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    Gingers correct. And AG you're also right. Too much masturbation, using the same technique/grip, will de-sensitize a man after awhile.
     
  4. BlueCollar

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    As far as fixing the issue- you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
    As in, you can ask him to stop with the jerking and the porn, maybe ask him to start edging, or ask him to hold off until you two can fuck, but it's ultimately up to him to make these changes.
     
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  5. SirFoggy

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    Watching porn is damaging in many ways, more so for men than it is for women. Sexually men are more visual and even mild use of porn may shift sexual focus away from the real partner to what is being seen in porn. On the other hand (no pun intended) masturbation creates another problem. One is that our nerves need a certain level of "input" in order to create a desired effect, and if your husband uses a fair amount of pressure this level of "input" will become higher. Contrary to popular belief not even the tightest of pussies can compete with kind of pressure a hand cane create.

    Average sexual intercourse lasts anything between 10 and 30 minutes. On the other hand, again contrary to popular belief, sex is not all that demanding in terms of energy. 5 minutes of active play with a child burns more energy than an intercourse. IMO, people saying they don't have sex because of not having time or being tired is more of an excuse than anything else. Where there's a will there will be time and energy to have some fun.

    I don't know about your daily routines, schedules, whatnot but how about you slipping into the morning shower with your husband and have some fun? There can be many other opportunities for some quick fun during the day, the two of you just have to find (or make) and use them.
     
  6. Anotherday

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    1. As soon as you can move the little one to his own room. I mean as soon as possible.

    2. Get the little one on regular sleeping patterns. This means letting him cry it out for a few nights and taking naps at the same time every day. Keep it regular and stick to it.

    It's easily done with a monitor and if he's fed, no fever, and clean then he's fine and just crying to get attention. Many may not agree, but taking those simple steps will end the insanity in a house hold.

    Right now the porn is a small issue. Being chronically tired is the more important one to tackle.
     
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  7. cbrmale

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    I read we don't have time except for once a week on the floor and I was surprised. Our children are well-grown but when they were babies we always found the time. Without rushing sex takes about 30 minutes and it doesn't expend that much energy, so time and opportunity can be created. In turn I didn't have to resort to porn and masturbation, so our sex lives proceeded albeit when opportunity permitted. For the first few months or something they slept in our room in a cot, never in our bed because that's dangerous, and then they were moved to their own rooms. In the first few months babies sleep most of the day and night so that's actually the most opportune time. Once they're in their own room they're less likely to be disturbed and they tend to sleep a full 10 or 12 hours from what I remember. By the time they get to basic understanding we put a lock on our bedroom door and instructed them about when our door was closed that was our playtime and we weren't to be disturbed. The final step in this sequence was when they became old enough we told them that when the door was closed that was our time for sex. When our children were growing up we had more morning sex on the weekends.

    That's not so much my recommendation but rather my experience, and I hope some of that helps.
     
  8. AGFUNK

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    To clarify we live in a studio so it's not possible to get him in his own room for at least another seven months till we move. My husband usually goes to bed before me since he gets up at 1am to work at 3am. I still breastfeed and get up several times in the middle of the night with little guy, so yes I am genuinely exhausted with little time to myself, all the housework, working and taking care of our son. When we have sex at night it's because hubby told me to wake him for it. Sleep usually comes before sex since we need to function. He needs his sleep and so do I. I'm not complaining for once about the frequency, it is what it is. I just hate that he's become desensitized.
     
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  9. johnnyangel694u

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    I think things are just out of sorts right now. Timing is bad and everything. Porn is not the problem, masturbating is. At some point he will need the warm wetness instead of his hand. I would worry too much at this point unless things get really bad. If you can figure out a way of breast feeding while bending over...............................Lol
     
  10. AGFUNK

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    Well I was going to say he hasn't jerked off for two days so I have a decent shot at sex tomorrow but he did jerk off yesterday while I was at work for two hours. I hate this. It makes me feel so horrible that he can get off by himself but not with me.
     
  11. Sagittarius84

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    Just one dissenting male opinion here...please examine any and all issues that may be leading to this lack of cumming, before simply settling on, "must be the porn."
    I say this because I always feel that amongst the majority of women, and some men, porn, and the concurrent masturbation are viewed as bad things inherently. I think its easier to blame something on porn then on commucation, compatibility, etc., Case in point, I have watched porn on a semi regular basis since about age 11. I have been sexually active since age 13. The first time I ever had trouble ejaculating was due to alcohol and a guilty conscience (cheating on a cheating girlfriend) at age 25, and now because with gf 8 1/2 months pregnant, sex has become more of a chore than anything else.
    Masturbation w/ porn isn't a competitor for sexual fulfillment unless you make it out to be.
     
  12. AGFUNK

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    I'm blaming it on the masturbation not the porn. It just makes me feel bad that he can cum to porn. I know porn isn't the issue, it's his masturbating. Besides the masturbation I don't know of anything else that could be causing this. Nothing has really changed other than work schedules.
     
  13. Sagittarius84

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    Don't feel bad that someone can get themselves off more reliably than working with another. That's like Man Law #1 once we guys find out about dildos and vibrators...lol

    And also let me ask, what if the porn he was masturbating to was of you? Would that make any difference?
     
  14. AGFUNK

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    He has porn of me and he doesnt use it. He watches hardcore stuff that I wouldn't do. Also he always used to cum with me before except when he was on paxil. I also always cum at least twice and up to five times before I give up.
     
  15. Sagittarius84

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    Well given you guys just had a little one(my life in a couple months) it may just take some time to get back in sync. But whenever a question of sexual fulfillment comes up, I think the most healthy thing is to take the same advice thousands of men get when they question their partners ability to come with them: look within yourself 1st. Is there any possible change you can enact upon yourself to get the result you want, or are you simply convinced this is his problem that he needs to solve?

    So test the theory, set aside getting any personal pleasure from your next couple of encounters, and dedicate the entire session to making him cum..and maybe get him a flashlight if sensitivity is the issue.
     
  16. AGFUNK

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    Our son is 14 months not a newborn.
     
  17. Sagittarius84

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    Lol semantics...until a kid is walking, talking, feeding themselves, and using the bathroom on their own, they're basically babies. So about 2 1/2 -3 years is the timeframe you can expect a kid to affect your sex life as such.. I must say this is refreshing though, your dialogue more resembles men who are having trouble with the lack of sexy times post partum brings, so I advise you, in kind; give him time, let this situation normalize itself and be patient, just because you squeezed the little guy out doesn't mean it didn't have a profound effect on Mr. FUNK. And your understanding of the situation is not necessary for it to work itself out.
     
  18. AGFUNK

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    It doesnt have anything to do with me giving birth. We just don't have much time for sex just like a lot of parents do. However the difference is that most do not become dependent on masturbation. But yeah I should just let it go. Probably won't have sex for awhile since it just becomes painful anyway.
     
  19. Sagittarius84

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    Well think of it this way, most people would prefer a snack than squeezing in a full sized meal in a short amount of time. If he's anything like me, when he's not on a schedule, when you actually have separated rooms, and when its no longer remotely painful for you, I'm fairly sure your sex life will return to some normalcy.
     
  20. Cappy_Dick

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    Doesn't sound like he's doing any of the housework. What's up with that?

    xx