is that cheating?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by tommy054, May 20, 2012.

  1. tommy054

    tommy054 New Member

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    As probably many here, I have also been married for quite a long time (11 years) and recently found myself looking for excitment. I googled to see what can be done and bumped into a great article speaking of whether finding a companion/regular escort is cheating or if it is more of a "marriage savior". Been asking myself the question ever since I read it. I think I am pretty close to going for it...any thoughts would be appreciated (bythe way if you want to read that article, funny enough it was on a blog in an escort listing website called pickthechick, you can google it if interested).
     
  2. billysummers

    billysummers New Member

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    Unless your wife agrees to it or is a part of it then it is nothing but cheating .
     
  3. tommy054

    tommy054 New Member

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    I really think you should read that blog pickthechick, it might shed some light and give a different perspective. We live in a modern wrld where things seem to be working differently from the dreams and values we were raised according to. We are free to choose, each one for himself.
     
    #3 tommy054, May 20, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2012
  4. Texas_Red

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    No, billysummers is correct. I don't care what mental gymnastics get used, if you go behind your SOs back and fuck someone else without permission, it is cheating. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
     
    #4 Texas_Red, May 20, 2012
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  5. Dragon_Fire

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    Modern world's got nothing to do with it. People have always ventured outside their marriage to get their thrills. Doesn't make it right.


    I agree. If you have to stoop to sneaking around behind your partner's back you've got problems that seeing an "companion"/escort won't solve,
     
    #5 Dragon_Fire, May 20, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2012
  6. Lover4You

    Lover4You New Member

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    Its black and white, if she isn't ok w it then it's cheating. End of story. Sounds like you know the answer and just dont like it to me. Otherwise, what's the big deal w just asking her.
     
  7. CleaverFace

    CleaverFace New Member

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    "... funny enough it was on a blog in an escort listing website called pickthechick, you can google it if interested)."

    Well, it sounds like the article saying that it's in your marriage's best interest to find an escort outside of it is really just trying to say "Being married is absolutely no reason to not get an escort."

    Honestly, this is entirely up to your wife.

    "We live in a modern wrld where things seem to be working differently from the dreams and values we were raised according to."

    I'm new to the site, so I don't want to rock the boat, but if one is going to use the "this is a different time, different values" idea, then holding up marriage as an institution goes against it. If one is to say that human beings are not monogamous and it was about time we explored those desires, disregarding societal norms, then why venture into an institution that is thousands of years old?
     
  8. 12barblues

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    i can only say this...you have a partner, right? girlfriend or wife really doesnt make a lot of difference here...she's a person. and she deserves the same respect and honesty that you would want. would you want to find out she's been using male escorts for the last 6 months? i'm guessing not...i know i wouldnt.
     
  9. Splendid_Thoughts

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    12BB has hit the nail on the head. She is a human being with feelings and deserves to be treated with honestly, integrity and respect.
     
  10. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    As everyone says above, cheating is cheating. If you want to justify it, then feel free to do so any way you like. It's still cheating. 12BB is absolutely on the money. you'll get no argument that the world is changing, but I certainly hope that respect and genuine caring about others' feelings don't fall by the wayside. Might as well go back to living in caves and killing each other to steal food...

    T
     
  11. boobjob

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    I get upset by the "modern world" argument. Something is right or wrong, period. It doesn't matter if its 2012, 2112 or 1912. You are using what you perceive as a loosening of sexual mores to legimatize your carnal desires. That is fine by me, but don't argue the obsolecese of ethics and morals to justify your inability to keep yur cock in your pants. Sounds to me like you are proposing to treat your lover in a manner that you wouldn't treat a friend. If you were going with someone else to see your favorite football team would you tell your friend? Probably. If you didn't then it would be because you were cheating your friend. Whether it were because your friend would want the ticket or you had plans with your friend that you cancellled or because your friend didn't like who you were going with. Not telling your friend would be a deception.

    Sex is the most intimate act that we as humans can share. Think about it: we insert one organ into another joining our bodies in the hope of experiencing a feeling of pleasure unequaled by anything else. (Hence when something feels good we say "it was almost as good as sex"). These organs that we join are organs that in conformity with social convention we hide when interacting with people outside of our most intimate moments. Whether you agree with that or if you are a naturist our modern world frowns upon public displays of nudity. We only share nudity in situations of trust. Trust requires honesty and honesty requires openess. Therefore if you are not open and honest about something, whether it be a football game or sex with a stranger you are denying the trust in a relationship. If a person is dishonest about one thing, they may be dishonest about another. So it isn't just about sex. If you cheat on her with an escort you are not saving your marriage. You are irreparabky harming the bond of trust that existsbetween you and your partner.

    I suggest that you discuss with your partner that you have sexual desires and that you find a way to compromise and to satisfy those desires in an open and honest way.
     
  12. tommy054

    tommy054 New Member

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    well...your points are well noted...tnx
     
  13. biker061

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    doesn't matter what you tell yourself it's cheating, and you know that or you wouldn't be trying to justify the action!
     
  14. cbrmale

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    I have just put the finishing touches on a novel set in Britain in 1879 and infidelity then was very common, with married men and their lovers and prostitutes, and (surprisingly) married women with their lovers. 'Society' was well aware of both at the time, but non-plussed. It was the way, after all. I didn't use this research in my story but it was interesting.

    I am married and I have a girlfriend in Sydney, and we catch up whenever I'm there or she's here (last time about two weeks ago and next time next Thursday afternoon). I also have a friends with benefits arrangement with a married woman here in Canberra, which is every second or third week or so (last time last week). Perhaps unusual but I am an unusual man.

    To correct a posting above, sex is not the most intimate act humans can share. Intimacy is.

    The escort website, obviously, wants to encourage married men to see escorts for financial gain. I have known escorts and I know their core of clients are married men for various reasons, and mostly because those men are bored with sex at home and feel the need for variety. Maybe I feel the need for variety, but am able to have a number of relationships on the go at the same time. The girlfriend is also married but has a sexless marriage, and we get on well together but she mostly wants just sex as do I. The friend is not sexless but seems to be a bit like me. So as long as we're both on the same page (or both x 2 on the same page) then all is okay.

    It's up to you but humans have never been faithful and never will be. I am surprised by the opposition to this proposal, and it's as if no-one who responded has ever felt at a loose end as regards their sex life, or never felt the urge to stay. Maybe they haven't, but even my wife who has no plans to ever have extra-marital sex has admitted to me that she has thought about it, even with those no plans.

    Whichever way it goes, sex with a prostitute or sex with a friend who doesn't want a relationship, it's all much of a muchness. There's a lot of it around!
     
  15. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    CBR, I didn't say I'd never thought of straying, or felt at a "loose end" in a relationship. The significance is that I didn't cheat on my partner, but either tried to work it out, or ended the relationship. The discussion isn't about the "why's" of cheating, but the act itself. Whatever history shows, the Jones down the street do, or the Pastor on the pulpit espouses, cheating in a relationship that is based on monogamy is just that, cheating. Arguing about the virtues (or lack thereof) of a monogamous relationship doesn't change that fact.

    T
     
  16. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

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    Hmmmmm, no discussion. I'm no angel but it's cheating no matter how much you floss it up.
     
  17. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    I feel like if you have to question whether or not it is cheating, it probably is.
     
  18. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

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    Wise words. Therefore don't question it, it must be ok then [​IMG]
     
  19. tiffers

    tiffers Member

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    Why bother getting married if you want to screw hookers? Why drag someone into the heart break that will bring when she finds out? Should have just stayed single and had some booty calls to satisfy your sexual desires so no ones lives are all messed up cuz you need to mess around... Just sayin..

    Your life and your bridge.