Is she Cheating?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by nightrider1964, Jun 25, 2007.

  1. nightrider1964

    nightrider1964 New Member

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    Or is she planning to? Your opinions please.
    My wife is a nurse and she is 39 yrs old. She took a job at a prison (minimum security) about 6 months ago. She has never been on birth control since we have been together (7yrs). We decided from the beginning that we would let nature run it's course and if we got pregnant fine but if not so be it. Well, it never happened. This prison system is notorious for affairs between nurses and guards and has been for sometime. For the last 3 months she almost NEVER wants sex from me and when we do she insists on a condom. This is something she has never requested before. A couple weeks ago she told me that she was making an appointment with her doctor so she could go on birth control pills. Her reasoning for this is she was concerned that in the event of a prison riot if she got raped she wouldn't get pregnant. Now I can understand this reasoning but with everything else combined it makes me wonder. She also makes small comments from time to time about guards making passes at her and also passing comments about a young guard who is "cute".

    Why the condom? Has she alredy had sex with someone and afraid of the possibility of disease?

    Is her excuse for birth control legitimate or just an excuse?

    Please be honest with your opinions. I don't need it sugar coated.
     
  2. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    Well..I think in order to get to the bottom of this, you first have to find the root of the problem.

    First, what is the state of your marriage? Why would she WANT to cheat? Has she always not been interested in sex?

    Honestly? The chain of evidence would have me a little suspicious too. How is her mood when she gets home from work?
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I think you certainly have every reason to ask her. "Why a condom? Why now?" Short and to the point, that you're feeling like she wants you less and less and you wonder if there is someone else.
     
  4. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    It definately sounds fishy, but I'm wanting to know the same as Halogen, what's the state of your marriage?
     
  5. nightrider1964

    nightrider1964 New Member

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    I would term our marriage as normal. Very seldom do we argue or not get along. Most times if we do argue it's over a money issue. I guess what we have now is a "comfortable" relationship. Don't know if that is a really correct term but don't know exactly what else to call it.
    As far as her mood when she gets home....my wife has always hated to work. Came home in a bad mood and finding fault with everything at work. This job is totally different, she comes home upbeat just about everyday.
    I neglected to mention in my first post but I did ask her why the condom now. She said she is at the point in her life (age) that she really does not want a kid now (and frankly I feel the same) and she doesn't want to risk it until she can get on the pill. Whatever.
     
  6. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    Hmm how about call her bluff? Offer to get a vasectomy and see what her reaction is.

    Her behaviour does seem a bit suspicious.
     
  7. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Well the vasectomy thing won't work if she's concerned about her safety at work. But, it seems to me as a nurse she would know that there is a pill available to women who are victimized, to prevent pregnancy. Wanting to take birth control every day starting in her forties seems odd to me (and something her doctor just might not recommend).
     
  8. Barbwire

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    Have you ever cheated on her? Maybe it's payback time.
     
  9. nightrider1964

    nightrider1964 New Member

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    Nope CL, I can honestly say I have never cheated on her. Have I thought about it? Sure. Who hasn't? I will admit cheating my first wife but I did learn a valuable lesson from that.
     
  10. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I really think I would glance in Her purse and see
    if She is carrying condoms to work.

    Hiker
     
  11. The Mistress

    The Mistress New Member

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    How long have you been married? Just curious.
     
  12. Bella

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    Yeah, I think I would come right out & ask her! :ugh
    No beating around the bush, so to speak.
    You say your marriage is "normal" (whatever the hell that means!)
    , but is it normal NOT to have sex? It isn't in my relationship, so I was
    curious about yours?
    She doesn't want to get on the pill; then why the condom?
    I think you have a reason to question her & I would!
    ~Bella
     
  13. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    In my opinion, strange and sudden changes in behavior is often the forebears of an affair.
     
  14. Bababooey666

    Bababooey666 New Member

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    Yes, this sounds like an affair...don't mean to be blunt about it, but it does. I think your next step is to figure out how you are gonna confirm it and how to handle it.
     
  15. angel_n_sneye

    angel_n_sneye Member

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    yep ... she is ... and people do not always "need" a reason to cheat ... I agree that she is most likely has condoms in purse, car or probably just gets them out of her stock at work ... I would bet on it and just plan ask ... "What is his name"?

    ~~~ Angel ~~~
     
  16. KissKissTell

    KissKissTell New Member

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    Thats a good idea, see if shes bringing condoms to work.
     
  17. cbrmale

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    I will go against the flow and suspect the age (39) might be the reason. Pregnancy, childbirth and particularly child-rearing is hard work! My wife was ten years younger with our first, and it was still hard. Looking back from our mid-forties and it isn't something either of us would want, unless we didn't already have children and were really, really, really keen!

    When I reached 39 I had a vasectomy just to make sure there weren't any accidents. I got to an age where I felt too old for youngsters.

    So I urge caution, because the requests and scenario sound plausible to me.
     
  18. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    My advice is talking, nothing hostel, just calm talking
    Ask questions recieve answers, if she doesn't want to talk about it, there may be a problem
    Couseling may help as well, I myself,would probably have a vasectomy regardless

    good luck hope it works
     
  19. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Based on your posting it sounds as though something is going on but if it is an affair I am not sure.

    The one thing that I am left to wonder is if she has been exposed to hepatitis, HIV /AIDs, or possibly herpes. Hepatitis and HIV / AIDs is quite common for health care workers to be exposed and if she suffed a needle prick from someone that is infected there is a chance that she could have been affected. Plus in prision the percentage of intimates carrying either hepatitis or HIV / AIDs quite high when compared to the general popultion. So there is a realistic chance she may have been exposed.

    Since she is asking that you wear a condom makes me wonder if she has been exposed, possibly, to someone with herpes through an needle stick injury or came in contact with a herpes blister on patient who had an active outbreak. Now I am not saying it is the result of an affair but the condom would protect you from an outbreak of herpes. Though personally if I was a betting person I would bet on hepatitis or HIV / AIDs, not herpes.

    It is quite possible the stress of working in a prision has decreased her sex drive and there may be some tension going on in the prision where she feels that she may be attracked. Her job may have recommended as a way for them to limit their liability and for her to limit any emotional trauma from an attack that she goes on birth control.

    I have done some work in prision with juvenilles and I can tell you from personal experience stress really can get to you. The stress can also make you a bit paranoid and worry about things that are not likely to happen. However because they could and you are in a confined area with metal doors clanging all of the time it can get to you.

    In my honest opinion I would speak to her about what you have observed and your concerns. I feel you do not have the full picture of what is going on with her and I think you are rushing to a conclusion.
     
  20. Paulo UK

    Paulo UK New Member

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    Sounds dodgy to me, I would talk to her asap!:yell