Is living without relationships sustainable in the long term?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by fireontheside, Apr 20, 2013.

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  1. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    Sometimes, I get scared. It actually keeps me awake at night.

    I have a broken, not close family, no friends, and no significant other. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to burn out from trying to go through life alone for so long. But at the same time, there isn't a lot I can do to change this. I can't fix things with my family, making friends is hard, and I won't even get into why having a significant other has never happened in my whole life.

    Is it possible to go through life this way? Not desirable, but possible? I don't want to live this way, but what I need to know is that I can survive it if I have to. I know I should go out and try to make friends, but I just keep getting rejected. When people don't want to be friends, or they just want to be acquaintances and nothing more, there isn't much you can do to change their mind. I'm not charming or charismatic, some people think I bring absolutely nothing to the table.

    I've been blatantly rejected before. It's hard to be alone and deal with rejection. I feel like if I had a solid foundation of a loving family like some people do, I would have a greater sense of self-worth. But growing up with an abusive mother who put her boyfriend before me, having my father pass away, and just feeling like my family didn't care has put me at a disadvantage, which means I find it harder to make friends and nearly impossible to ever have a relationship with someone.

    Has anyone else ever dealt with this? I'm really struggling, to be honest. It's hard to live this way and it's not what I would choose if I was given a choice in the matter.

    Going out and meeting people is fine, but honestly, I do get a lot of anxiety, especially when I hope for something to come of it. I've just been so consistently rejected that it just hurts to try and try and get nothing. Meeting people then becomes a downer rather than something fun or exciting.

    I don't know. I really have no social life as of right now. My days are just going out and doing things alone. I honestly think I've been alone so much that I feel uncomfortable when other people enter my space and maybe I subconsciously push people away because I can't deal. Like being alone is like my comfort zone, even though it's not comfortable and is actually a very miserable way to live.

    I'm always afraid of saying something stupid or embarrassing. It's like I've forgotten how to even have a conversation. The social skills that come naturally to others elude me.

    Maybe I should have made this post initially when I first came here. I know this is a place that people post about sex. I feel very weird and messed up posting it here. I don't know what I hope to get out of this, but...maybe someone will have some kind of insight or suggestion of something I can do. Some here have suggested counseling and that might be a good idea.
     
  2. Succubus

    Succubus New Member

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    I have some thoughts on this but I can't form them right now.

    Check out a book called "party of one" though.

    I might have more to say later.
     
  3. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    Okay, so talking about graphic sex acts is fine, but talking about my feelings and vulnerabilities? Whoa! Too much!

    That must be why nobody is responding to this.
     
  4. MordsithLove

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    What is it you want to hear?

    Maybe you should re-read your threads...
     
  5. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I would just like some rapport with people here. Maybe someone would chime in and say they've felt the same way, dealt with the same crap.

    I even feel rejected here, which goes back to my point of always being rejected. I don't really even feel welcomed in this community where people aren't supposed to be judged for what they do and don't do.
     
  6. Mittimer

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    Don't be snarky because nobody is replying to threads in a manner to which you feel it deserves. Also, do not bump your threads because you aren't getting responses in a timely manner.

    You feel rejected because you're MAKING yourself feel rejected. Nobody is out and out saying "Hey we don't like you, now go away". You are the only person who feels that way. Stop being overly sensitive. This is the internet. Everyone has different opinions. This is also a sex forum, everyone is here for basically the same thing, to talk about sex and relationships.

    Unfortunately every one of your threads that you've created have been pretty...blah. Everyone is negative and frankly, if that's all you're posting, it's going to get really old, really fast for people and members are going to stop responding.

    We get that you are a socially awkward penguin. We get that you aren't in a relationship. We totally get that you hate the shit that you have to deal with. People have responded to your other thread. People have given their opinion on it. Give members time to respond ON THEIR OWN without snarky remarks otherwise you're learn that you will be ignored pretty quickly. Making snide comments because other people are enjoying up-beat threads will get you absolutely nowhere.

    Now, I realize this came off bitchy and it's likely to have upset you in some manner or made you feel like I dislike you or some other form of rejection, but that is not the case. I'm being frank here. Please, just chill out and try to enjoy your time on here without automatically thinking that everyone is out to get you.

    Ok? Ok. :)
     
  7. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I'm not trying to shoot anyone down. I'm just very frustrated.

    It's hard to be positive when I don't have any support system except myself. It's hard to go through and do everything alone. I don't think humans were meant to live that way.

    I don't truly enjoy being by myself all the time, but I'm scared to do what it takes to break out of this. So I feel stuck.

    I'm frustrated because I keep getting creepy PMs and requests from people I don't really want to talk to, yet the people I wish I could talk to don't want to talk. Ugh..
     
  8. Mittimer

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    If you are getting creepy pm's, report them to me. If you reached out to the folks you wanted to talk to, I'm sure they would privately chat with you. You just have to reach out and not be disheartened and snarky when we don't reach back.
     
  9. MordsithLove

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    I've tried my best in past posts I your threads telling you to BE POSITIVE, KEEP CALM AND MOVE ON.

    Honestly it's the best advice I've taken from many friends, family and co workers. And only YOU can make POSITIVITY happen in YOUR life, no one can simply give it to you.

    Get out. Take a class at a community college or a fitness like yoga. You need something to stimulate you and make you feel good and accomplishing something...

    Then you will feel more acceptable to meet new people and start new friendships.
     
  10. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I would like to be positive. However, it's not easy, especially for someone who suffers from depression. But more than my depression, my life circumstances and the stuff that keeps happening makes it hard to see the good.

    I can't stand the thought of going and trying to make friends and getting rejected again and again.
     
  11. MordsithLove

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    I was depressed, and stuck in a very dark place in my head...I got out of it by taking a grip of myself and being positive...things CAN be much worse, and tomorrow is a new day, "It's your life, rise up and live it"

    You need to stop believing all the negatives you tell yourself....imagine if you had a friend going through as you are now...what would you tell him/her? How would you handle the repetitive negative energy they keep hangin on to?

    It's this simple, just drop the negativity...you can only make positives happen, and it starts with just that...
     
  12. mrcock

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    actually yea
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    Solitary isolation behind bars is the worst kind of punishment; some say far worse than physical torture because it deprived that one aspect of humanity we cannot do without; human interaction.
    It is sad that this can apparently occur without bars in an open society.
    I do feel greatly for the OP because she seems so isolated and has reached out to us so some have responded but it remains true that it is a two way thing.
    Many (but not all) of her posts have been antagonistic simply because I believe it is the only way she has ensured notice in the past so negative interaction is better than none sort of behaviour.
    It is her mindset that needs to dramatically change and fortunately there has been some nascent evidence of this happening.
    Positivity and an open mind with concurrent suppression of automatic negativity is the only way forwards.
    Fire, whether you realise it or not you have already a solid support system with people right here.
    Reach out, and don't be afraid to ask friendship with those you feel you like.
    Rejection may be hard to take yet part of life but not trying is an insult to your soul.
    Yes, this is a site for discussion of sexual matters but also relationships - all kinds!
    What SF is not is a pick up, quick hook up site although some will try to use it as such.
     
    #13 lbushwalker, Apr 21, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2013
  14. 12barblues

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    I'm not sure why you keep talking about how everyone rejects you. From what I've read in the threads, everyone has tried to offer up their best advice. I extended a friend request to you last week. You told me that you didn't want to be my friend. ( obviously I'm one of the creepy ones.. Lol)...this will be the last from me ....you're not BEING rejected... You are REJECTING EVERYTHING that we've tried to offer
     
  15. mrcock

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    all she really needs is a psychologist or psychiatric. everything else is just a waste of time. I was gonna help her some time ago, but she kept on folding
     
  16. lbushwalker

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    Nevertheless we cannot stop trying until or unless she decides to leave.
    If only.......dammit, something has got to change but how without her taking the first step?
    Dunno :(
     
  17. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I actually never said you were creepy.

    I did find it odd that people talk about THE most explicit stuff in the world but talking about feelings is going too far. lol.
     
  18. mrcock

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    there's no need to stop trying, if she's not trolling which at some point seemed to me she is, it just can go on forever. yet, she accepts no help. so it is fun time wasting for everyone, perhaps for her as well
     
  19. mrcock

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    if you mean me, I was gonna talk about everything, but you said you're not gonna, as ma username offends you, which I personally find as a psychiatric case, not psychological
     
  20. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    No, I definitely called you creepy and meant it.

    I was talking to someone else.
     
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