Sometimes, I get scared. It actually keeps me awake at night. I have a broken, not close family, no friends, and no significant other. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to burn out from trying to go through life alone for so long. But at the same time, there isn't a lot I can do to change this. I can't fix things with my family, making friends is hard, and I won't even get into why having a significant other has never happened in my whole life. Is it possible to go through life this way? Not desirable, but possible? I don't want to live this way, but what I need to know is that I can survive it if I have to. I know I should go out and try to make friends, but I just keep getting rejected. When people don't want to be friends, or they just want to be acquaintances and nothing more, there isn't much you can do to change their mind. I'm not charming or charismatic, some people think I bring absolutely nothing to the table. I've been blatantly rejected before. It's hard to be alone and deal with rejection. I feel like if I had a solid foundation of a loving family like some people do, I would have a greater sense of self-worth. But growing up with an abusive mother who put her boyfriend before me, having my father pass away, and just feeling like my family didn't care has put me at a disadvantage, which means I find it harder to make friends and nearly impossible to ever have a relationship with someone. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? I'm really struggling, to be honest. It's hard to live this way and it's not what I would choose if I was given a choice in the matter. Going out and meeting people is fine, but honestly, I do get a lot of anxiety, especially when I hope for something to come of it. I've just been so consistently rejected that it just hurts to try and try and get nothing. Meeting people then becomes a downer rather than something fun or exciting. I don't know. I really have no social life as of right now. My days are just going out and doing things alone. I honestly think I've been alone so much that I feel uncomfortable when other people enter my space and maybe I subconsciously push people away because I can't deal. Like being alone is like my comfort zone, even though it's not comfortable and is actually a very miserable way to live. I'm always afraid of saying something stupid or embarrassing. It's like I've forgotten how to even have a conversation. The social skills that come naturally to others elude me. Maybe I should have made this post initially when I first came here. I know this is a place that people post about sex. I feel very weird and messed up posting it here. I don't know what I hope to get out of this, but...maybe someone will have some kind of insight or suggestion of something I can do. Some here have suggested counseling and that might be a good idea.