Is it possible to be truly in love with two people at once?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Barbwire, Feb 28, 2011.

  1. Barbwire

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    There's a question I've been mulling over in my head for a few years and wanted to how other people would answer it and more importantly, tell me why they answered the way they did.

    So, what do you think, is it possible to be truly in love with two people at once?
     
  2. nurseharley

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    i believe so. even though we may not want to have feelings for another person or feel as though we shouldn't, we can't always control how we feel.

    i've been in a relationship but gotten close to someone else and eventually emotions got into the mix and progressed. it felt wrong but i couldn't do anything to stop the way i felt.
     
  3. NewGuy85

    NewGuy85 Active Member

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    I would say so, yeah. It may not be the easiest thing to deal with and it may not even be right. But in the strictest sense youre feeings for one person shouldnt make you care any less for another person.

    Technically part of your love for someone may be not allowing yourself to fall in love with someone else. But does that mean it cant happen? I dont think so. Because we dont always have the ability to control how we feel about people. You could stay away entirely. But assuming you're past that point, i think its entirely possible to love that person as well.
     
    #3 NewGuy85, Feb 28, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2011
  4. Barbwire

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    Thank you for your responeses.

    I always believed it wasn't possible until I met the man I've called my virtual lover for 3 1/2 years. I spent the first year or two of our developing relationship trying to wrap my head around how I felt about him. It felt so foreign and wrong and against everything I'd always been taught and believed, I hated myself for it.

    I had to take a lot of time thinking about what I wanted and expected from each man and why I felt the way I did about each one. I realized that comparing one to the other was as wrong as comparing apples to oranges and that I needed to keep them separate in my head.

    Once I had that done I figured there was nothing wrong about being in so deep with two lovers. I mean if you love apples because of their taste doesn't mean you can't love oranges because of their's.

    Getting it straight was the hardest part and I still struggle with it at times but what made it easier was both of my guys knew about the other.

    I'm just glad I'm not a big lover of fruit salad. Lord knows how that would work for me! Eek!
     
    #4 Barbwire, Feb 28, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2011
  5. NewGuy85

    NewGuy85 Active Member

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    Whats an oranger?

    :D
     
  6. NewGuy85

    NewGuy85 Active Member

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    Not that im making light of your topic of course. Its a seriously legit question. Our minds and hearts can make things confusing sometimes
     
  7. txbbman2003

    txbbman2003 New Member

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    Be careful about this virtual lover scenario you have. I'm not sure if you've met this guy in person or not but if you haven't be VERY WARY. Many many times what you imagine this "online lover" to be and they are in person oftentimes are two very very different things altogether. Just be very cautious that you're not setting yourself up for this trap. However if you have met him in person and you two have clicked then I suppose you have ALOT to think about lol
     
  8. Barbwire

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    Smart ass. [​IMG] (New Guy, I mean)
     
  9. Alwayslearningsex

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    I have realized years ago it is possible to feel strongly attracted to more than one person. One thing is one was my wife's (ex now :) ) friend,
    the good thing is I didn't follow up on the attraction.
    I will say this can be a real miserable situation I rather steer clear of now so I look at it more objectively today to avoid the mess.
     
  10. Barbwire

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    Nah, haven't met him face to face and have no plans to. There was a time hubby and I persued the idea of having a threesome with him but, he declined. Has a g/f of his own and didn't want to cheat on her. (Yeah, I know some folks don't see virtual sex as cheating others do, don't wanna debate that here, please.)

    I once had a guy ask me this,

    "If you had two choices, 1. You could meet your virtual lover face to face under the condition you could never see them or speak to them afterwards. or 2. You could go on indefinitely having a virtual affair but never meet them face to face. What would you chose to do?"

    That was years ago and I answered, "I'd want both. "

    I don't like the word "never" because it sounds so final. I'd rather keep my options open and always be accepting of change. It's really true, you should never say never because shit happens and things change.
     
    #10 Barbwire, Feb 28, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2011
  11. txbbman2003

    txbbman2003 New Member

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    Well what would you do if you meet another guy in person that does it for you? It just sounds as if things are headed in that direction. I'm not trying to say you're gonna cheat but after all you are human and have needs if you're not getting what you require at home.
     
  12. Barbwire

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    Someone else voiced those same concerns to me years ago, when I first started experimenting with cyber sex. I thought it was a crock then and I still do.

    See, I'm not looking for anything other than what I have now. I have no desire to start up a relationship with another man and have sex with him. Now, down the line I might want to go a step further and then my husband and I will have that 3 some we've talked about but for now, it's all good.
     
  13. Kermit

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    I don't see why not...
     
  14. BlueLizard

    BlueLizard New Member

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    It certainly is possible. In my case, I had to make a decision which one was more important to me. I chose my then-wife (obviously not a good choice in hind sight) but I remained close to my friend. She and I came as close to becoming lovers as two people can...without ever touching in a sexual way.
     
  15. Trond

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    From personal experience, I have noticed that I am attracted to women for three reasons. 1. the romantic love that makes you "fall in love", 2. sexual attraction, 3. "love", sorry I'm not sure what else to call that last one, but it's the kind of attachment you get from having shared your life experiences and taken care of each other for a while.

    I have had various degrees of the different types of attraction to several women at once, but there is usually only one dominating each of the "loves" (sexual attraction is more widespread). For instance, I don't think I have ever been madly "in love" with two women at once, but I can be "in love" (have a strong crush) with one woman and at the same time simply "love" another.

    They are not completely separate categories of course, so it's a bit complicated :eyes
     
  16. backcheck64

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    Sure it's possible, I'm in love with two, my wife and myself.
     
  17. Texas_Red

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    Logically, yes. In fact you can probably be truly in love with more than that. The difficulty is in making sure everyone is treated/feels treated equally and is as open to/okay with such a scenario, otherwise all kinds of ugliness breaks out in the form of jealousy and competitiveness etc.

    The reality is that there are so many more dynamics to consider beyond just the feeling of love.
     
  18. Trond

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    I knew it! :lol
     
  19. backcheck64

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    Hey, at least I stopped buying myself Xmas and birthday presents.
     
  20. cbrmale

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    Absolutely possible, because it has happened to me. What is more unusual is that the love for the new partner made the love for my existing partner stronger. Unlike you CL, my relationships aren't virtual, so the love grew through meeting one-another, going out for coffee, going to her place and having sex, and so on. For her it was casual 'cause she liked me and my style, for me it started that way but grew into love because she was a beautiful and lovely person with the most delightful and caring personality.

    I have only deeply loved two women, and both at the same time!