Is he gay, bi or straight??? Please help.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by ConfusedWife, Sep 30, 2012.

  1. ConfusedWife

    ConfusedWife New Member

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    I am really in need of some advice. I have been with my husband for 14 1/2 years and married for 10 years. We have 3 beautiful boys and I thought our marriage was good but 7 1/2 months ago he walked out on me and the kids. He came back 3 days later asking me to work it out and to stay faithful but live seperately. I agreed but he told me a secert. He told me he desperatley wants to suck another man off with me. Now in his past relationships he has had threesomes but not with me. I am not into that. I told him from the word go pretty much I would never change my mind. Now I have been very supportive about this and he wants to suck one with me. I said I would consider it for him. It certainly is a turn on, but to me I don't want my fantasty's to come true if that makes sense. I am worried he might love it and want more and more of them. He says he is not gay or bi, which if he was I think it would be easier to comprehend all this. When I agreed to consider it I said my rule was we had to be in a good place in our relationship and he agreed. Now months later he is saying he can't wait for us to live together again and wants to do it sooner rather than later. I am so confused because we are not in a good place and I feel he would leave me afterwards. Any advice please!!!!
     
  2. Meow

    Meow Member

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    Think about your last two lines. If you did it and he did leave you after you doing it for him, would that make you a bad person. No, you would have tried your hardest to make things right for you both. I agree, you should only consider doing it when you are in a good place, and as you have said, you like the idea of sucking another man. If it became an occasional part of your sexlife together would it be such a bad thing? I can think of a lot worse that could happen. If it is a fantasy of yours then you are half way there....but be in a good place first and explain it to him that yes you would consider doing it but in time. Pillow talk is a very strong thing between couples. Consider talking about your sexy thoughts to him while you are being intimate, tell him how much you want his dreams too but you need his reassurance and a bit more time to get used to the idea. You have invested a lot of time and effort in him to let it all go wrong. You never know, if he does it once he might decide that this is not really for him....who knows. I think he is just trying to find himself.
     
  3. gerrycum

    gerrycum New Member

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    I sympothise with your predicament.I have the urge to suck a guy off for many yrs now. My wife is multi orgasmic, we have sex very often. We are in a good place and have been so for all our married life.
    I am very comfortable an so is she in our sexual life. Enough o, that I told her about my desire/want\urge\need.
    She was reluctant, but gave me the go ahead. So hooked up with an older dude (just a pref on my side) an we sucked each other off.
    It was absolutely amazing, out of this world experience.
    But would I leave my wife for a c*ck... No. I hope you guys manage to sort things out. And thanx for being understanding with you husband
     
  4. AtkCCC

    Gold Member

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    If you feel you are not in a good place and do not want to do it...then the answer is DO NOT DO IT! It will not help and only lead to futher problems. When couples explore and play together it should be something good for all. I am straight and have no real desire to suck another man off but my wife is Bi and I understand it. I'm not homophobic at all and we have had MFMs as well as FMFs but again, with all enjoying. I have participated in a few things that I won't go into in this thread that I wasn't turned on by so much but not offensive either. Wifey wanted to explore and that was fine.

    Communication from both people is KEY!
     
  5. Cappy_Dick

    Gold Member

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    Being bisexual is just human nature. In reality, 10% of peoples brains are wired totally gay or straight. Most of the rest, choose to be either gay or straight. While being more widely accepted with women, a man who is known to have as little curiosity as a never acted upon bi-fantasy is looked upon by his peers as "gay". It's kind of sad, as it's a fact that most men have had same sex experimentation, while discovering their sexuality. Guys that go on to identify as straight are not likely to be willing to ever admit this. Especially when they are still younger and tend to have a broad circle of peers. As a guy gets older, he may become more comfortable with exploring a bi-fantasy and/or exploring the experimentation of their early adolesence. Some guys feel that acting on this interest with a female involved, makes it "not gay".

    As far as leaving you, if that's going to happen, it's going to happen whether you do this with him or not. If you are going to go back with him, you have to feel right with that first. Then, act on exploring fantasies. If you get right with him first, it could bring you closer together in the long run.

    xx