Discussion in 'Member Introductions' started by Docksitter, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. Docksitter

    Docksitter New Member

    Oct 16, 2013
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    I just signed up. I'm here because I lost a relationship. So I'm throwing myself into sex for its own sake? No. One of the problems in our relationship was sexual incompatibility. My former angel (and I still think of her that way, not "my", but "angel") had very difinite and rigid ideas about sex and sexuality.

    According to her, it must be heterosexual, male-dominant, vaginally penetrative, with orgasms to be obtained solely through that means. It shall be entirely behind closed doors. Affection in the presence of other people shall be solely restricted to the sort of extremely chaste hug one would give to as sibling and pecks on the cheek or a very short closed-mouth kiss on the lips. There shall be no porn or even tasteful erotica.

    The sad part is that these severe inhibitions turned out to be intentional and self-imposed on her part. She started to loosen up while we were together, even permit sex elsewhere than the bedroom and actual affection, then her (adult) kids re-entered her life, and it was back to "sex by the book".

    I actually could have lived with that, except that those strictures and the demand that I perform like a 20-year-old on command conspired with 1) diabetes, 2) benign prostate hyperplasia, and 3) I've been past 20 for more years than I was before age 20 to make it difficult to zoomzoom. Her response was to 1) insult my manhood in general, 2) state that I was "actually" 100% homosexual, and 3) claim that I was a closeted transsexual.

    I realize that this might mean a "Run from the bitch with a rocket strapped to your back." scenario to most people, but I put up with it because of her own history. She had been through extremely abusive relationships. It was, I admit, foolish of me to think that this baggage would not manifest as repeated attacks against the first man in her life who refused to mistreat her. I have since learned that this is a very common response of women who find a non-abuser after years of accepting abuse. They really have no concept of a relationship that works any other way.

    Anyway, that relationship is gone, and I was just surfing around looking for a place that I could talk to people who wouldn't freak out or withdraw because of what I've done in my past. As some of you must have guessed, I had a less--restricted sexual past.

    She and I had several other incompatibilities--she's conservative, I'm libertarian (real libertarian, not an Ayn Rand cultist or Teabagger). I actually have tried to live according to all the Bible, including "love your neighbor as yourself" and "as you forgive others, so shall you be forgiven". She's a moralist of the "judge all and you are righteous" school. She holds grudges, I forget what I'm angry about within 5 minutes of the annoyance being gone. She's a stickler for the letter of the law but ignores the spirit, while I am all about the spirit of the law. She's anti-intellectual. I'm intellectual. She's a severe worrier. I say "If nothing can be done, then the only sensible thing to do is nothing."

    Despite all this, and more, I still love her. She's given me the "I don't love you, and you don't even know what love is." speech. I have reconciled that there will be no more future between us. Thus, in moving on, I am lookin for places to communicate with others.

    Why a "sex board"? Why not a sex board? After all, sex is a major part of normal human life. It can be an art form, a recreational activity, a hobby, "something to do", and (despite what pop psychologists might claim) a way to validly express friendship or affection as well.

    I think I'm done for now.
  2. HotForHoney

    Gold Member

    May 9, 2013
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    North East USA
    Welcome. It sucks when you love someone but shouldn't be together.

    My own sick mind read "baggage" as "bondage".... ;-)