Intro and question

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Brokethemold, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Hi,

    I'm a guy and I don't fall neatly into sterotypes.

    I guess we all are curious about what is normal and how we fit into the scheme of things.

    I often hear about what is typical for men and women and the differences between the two.

    When I hear the typical sterotypes of men, and the jokes made about them sexually, they don't seem to fit.

    I was taking a seminar recently and the topic somehow turned to men not enjoying kissing. This just added to the pile of male intimacy averse sterotypes such as men not liking to cuddle after sex, and rushing foreplay to get to climax.

    I've only once seen another couple having sex once and was also having it with my gf at the time, so didn't really pay much attention. The majority of what I've seen is from porn and have to say I have never seen intimate, sensual sex with lots of kissing and foreplay in hetero porn. On the contrary, Lesbian porn is full of initmacy, kissing and foreplay. The conversations in these films seem to focus on the sterotypes of men and how sex with a girl is much better because men are too rough, girls kiss better, etc.

    My first gf and my first kiss or make out session lasted about 4 hours. We lost track of time and it seemed like only 15 mins. Since them and until today, kissing and foreplay put me into this kind of erotic euphoric trance and although the climax is wonderful, it also means the end of the trance as your hormones leave the body through climax. I try to stay in this trance as long as possible.

    Standard sex for me has always included lots of kissing foreplay and afterwards, kissing and foreplay until both are ready for round two. I almost have always slept holding or spooning my gf or wife in the past (when we were getting along).

    I wouldn't mind yielding to the fact that I'm more like a girl in bed, but I'm actually pretty butch. I'm not a typical beer drinking, sport watching guy. I have been a musician most of my life. I grew up with two older very cool sisters that may have kept me from being extremely guy-ish, but as far as sex goes, the femine sterotype of sex just seems more pleasureable.

    The longer the foreplay, the more explosive the orgasm is. This trance state I'm talking about is better than any drug I've ever taken. Men spend gobs of money getting turned on by watching women getting turned on or pleasuring themselves, so I don't understand why they would want to rush giving foreplay as well. The female body feels wonderful and I can't understand why someone wouldn't want to savor touching what they find so attractive.

    Another example would be food. Sex with minimal foreplay is like skipping the starters and main dish and going straight for the dessert. Sometimes thats nice, but the full meal is most often the most enjoyable.

    I know that not all fall under sterotypes, but they exist based on peoples experience.

    I guess I just want to hear others experience in these areas. Men and women, sterotype following or deviating, all are welcome and if these sterotypes are not true, why do you think they are so prevelant?

    Thanks,

    Looking forward to talking more with all of you.
     
    #1 Brokethemold, Jun 23, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2011
  2. nurseharley

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    I've never heard or come across the stereotype of men not enjoying kissing. Even in the porn I've watched, they usually kiss while fucking. Come to think of it, the rougher they fuck, the more they kiss.

    Men not wanting to cuddle is sometimes true though. I've known a few guys like that but it's unfair to say no guys like it. I know my man loooooves cuddling no matter what and I do too. I think even in some movies (not porn) guys are depicted as rough and tough and fuck em and leave em. Why? I don't know, it's not like portraying men in a sensitive manner is a bad thing. No no no he mustn't like cuddling, cuddling is gay!

    I agree that taking your time and really savoring the moment and each other is best and very much worth it in the end. I can't always stand it though, sometimes I've been teased too much already! :p
     
  3. Trond

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    Thanks for your view of things, very interesting. I'm far from the stereotypes in some ways, and pretty close in others. I once read in a sex book for women that men supposedly much prefer getting oral sex than giving. Not true in my case. As far as foreplay goes, I don't know anymore. My wife and I have had some problems, so the lovemaking sessions haven't exactly gone smoothly. I am certainly more impatient than her, but that's partially because she doesn't want actual intercourse at all.:ugh We hug and cuddle a lot, but there's less kissing now than before. I suppose we are behaving more and more like intimate friends and less like lovers. :ugh:ugh

    I like women a bit too much for my own good. That's pretty typical, but a supposedly not-so-stereotypical thing is that I really like romance. I am much more likely to like a romantic movie than an action movie. Yes, I liked "The English Patient". THERE, I SAID IT!!:lol

    Enough about me...
     
  4. igor

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    I totally agree with what you are saying. The journey is as good or sometines better than the destination. Sure, there are times when you want/need a fast fuck but generally I enjoy a session with lots of foreplay and kissing to really get the fires stoked.
     
  5. pbs

    pbs
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    I know I'm dating myself here, but I believe those characteristics are left over from a time when guys had to spend much of their energy proving that they were MANLY. Being cruel and insensitive was also part of the macho image. If young guys are all done doing that, great.
     
  6. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Here's where I feel the real odd ball.

    I can't get into quickies, sport, casual or party sex. I need this deep breathing, heavy slow heart beat build up to cum. Casual sex is about as interesting to me as playing a game of cards or something.
     
  7. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Well I just witnessed a discussion where the majority of women in the room complained about men and kissing. Maybe its German men. Actually one said just that.

    There are two types of sex imho. There's intimacy and getting off, even if ur getting ur partner off, its still getting off, and they're two very different ball games.

    If u've seen hetro porn with the same degree of intimacy as lesbian porn, u'll have to provide an example. I've either never seen what ur talking about, or we may be talking about two different things. I also have virtually given up on hetero porn because it doesnt seem erotic to me, just porn.

    As far as teasing goes, I never really feel teased as long as I remain in this erotic trance state. There's a difference though, that may come into play. Women can have multiple orgasms per session, where I can have one big one then need an hour or so or my next orgasm will be pretty boring.

    I also nearly pass out when I cum and am virtually liquified afterwards. Another element I dont see in porn. Both just sort of walk away after orgasm. I can barely walk and normally need a 15 minute nap.

    Come to think of it, I can jerk off in the shower and still stand, but then again the orgasm is minimal. I guess I just don't like those quick unintense orgasms but see that others do. Its to me like being given the choice of a fast food hamburger or a filet mignon. I will pick the filet everytime.

    I know there are tantric people, but I find the whole massage, asian music, insense thing distracting.
     
    #7 Brokethemold, Jun 24, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2011
  8. HisLilSecret

    HisLilSecret New Member

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    kissing is very intimate & my boo and I can kiss for hours, its a very deep close connection. I wouldnt be concerned with the "norm" because from your post it sounds like women wont be complaining :)
     
  9. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Let me clarrify some points to put this into context.

    Was trying to get some feedback to help me with some compatibility issues. thanks all.

    Not sure how I ended up this way, if its just natural to me, or if I learned it from my first gf. She was pretty assertive and instigated almost everything sexual and I just wentt with it, enjoying every second.

    This just dawned on me, for you older types, you might relate. Back before internet, when I was a teen, there was no hardcore porn for minors unless ur dad or friend's older brother or something had some videotape. Our only outlet was softcore late at night. You would wait half an hour to see a breast or butt or something. You would stay in this aroused state waiting for this 2 minutes of very mild stimulation. Maybe that has something to do with it. Hmmm

    Anyway, back to my first gf, we didnt have sex for ages, but were experts at making each other cum with hands and mouths, and were perfectly satisfied with it. I think this played a big role in my sexual developement.

    From the 20 or so women I've been with, only about 5 really clicked with me sexually the same way I am. Some, like me with my first, just went with whatever I did. Two especially, weren't like me prior to me, but loved it and wanted sex the same way. They seemed pleasantly surprised. One would actually call it teasing and ask for it. She understood me sexually imediately and without asking, would get me to about a second away from cumming with her mouth, and then back down, and repeat several times. Its, to me, the closest to male multiple orgasm as we can get. Again, I know this is what the tantra people look for, I just find all the other parts of tantra a bit corny.

    I have had others that didn't get me. I could accomodate them, but they couldn't accomodate me and I felt very sexually frustrated with them not being able to orgasm they way I wanted to.

    I guess in trying to see if I'm normal, I'm trying to see if there is a fetish, or genre that would simplify my compatibility issues. Tantra sans new agey stuff fetish? I don't know how to label me and dont really find labeling a positive thing, but being like me has real compatibility set backs. I often go 5 years without sex until I meet someone I click with.

    Just wondering if there was an easier way to describe myself without writing a small novel like I have just done here.
     
    #9 Brokethemold, Jun 24, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2011
  10. cbrmale

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    This is a stereotype, and Tantric sex is much more than incense. In fact, it's close to what you prefer to experience only much more intense. You can use various Tantric sex practices whichever way you wish, but the basis is for the man to fill his partner with masculine sexual energy, which increases her arousal and decreases his, with the result that intercourse is lengthened and her orgasm is more powerful, as is his. The other part of this sexual energy sharing is a stronger and more intimate connection during intercourse. It can be done with music and scented candles, but that's not really necessary as long as both of you know how to do it.
     
  11. cbrmale

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    I have had a lot of casual sex and many of those casual sexual encounters were quite amazing. I believe that casual sex suits certain personality types and not others, and to be good at it you need to be outgoing (which is different to extroverted), sexually confident and sexually experienced. I think the outgoing component, the ability to build an intimate and loving connection with someone you've just met is a rare trait, but some of us actually do have it.

    I didn't like party sex as distinct from casual sex, as I do like my sexual encounters to be 'special' as distinct from quickly fucking someone in a bedroom during a party downstairs. That is, casual sex is meeting someone nice, going to her place or to yours, getting to know one-another more, getting down to sex in a pleasant environment, and taking time to make it special.
     
  12. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Yeah, but the women I've met that are in to tantra can't seem to seperate the cliché aspect of it. Was with a girl and she wanted to get out the oils and slide around on me. This part I found silly and hard to get into. She was masterful with her hands though. She really knew the male organ like she had a doctorate in male stimulation. Shee wasn't big on kissing either which is really important for me to feel a closeness and connection.

    My thing is more about pleasure zones. I'm all for a good massage. Oil is a bet messy to me though.

    A good example is nipples. If a girl starts kissing, licking and sucking my nipples and stops after 10 mins, I usually say "don't stop". I can sit there and purr for a half hour getting my erogenous zones stimulated. Its not teasing to me, just pure pleasure.

    Maybe oil-free tantric is how I should describe myself. ;)
     
    #12 Brokethemold, Jun 24, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2011
  13. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    thats what I don't get.

    If you're a guy and you like touching girls, that is as hetero and non-gay as it gets.

    On the contrary, I often wonder about guys that try to get the sex over as soon as possible and try to have as little contact as possible, if they are just trying to prove to themselves, their family, friends, partner that they're not gay, when they'd rather be doing some guy. ;)
     
  14. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Maybe this is just semantics, but getting to know someone is for me, when the border from casual sex to something more intimate occurs.

    I've had really nice sex with women I had just met that day, but I did get to know them a bit and there was always some chemistry, or should I say more than we liking the way the other looked.

    Casual to me is picking up someone in a bar, without knowing much about them and not wanting to get to know them or anything more than just sex.

    I'm perfectly OK with sex with someone that you don't plan spending the rest of your life with, but I can't seperate the body from the personality.

    For one, personality is as much a part of beauty as a body.

    I can't have sex with someone that is just a piece of meat though. I have to actually like the person, even if they looked like a model, it just wouldn't work.
     
  15. cbrmale

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    My casual sexual encounters or one-night stands always included spending time talking before and after so a connection was established. We generally had no plans beyond the time we spent together, but that didn't mean we weren't able to connect to one-another to a degree

    The most extreme example was when I was in Malaysia some time ago and I met a young lady and we went to my hotel room. We spent some time talking and by a combination of circumstances she was very lonely, and I offered genuine sympathy and comfort to her. What followed was the most amazing experience of my life, she fell for me in the biggest possible way and I was very, very moved by this. She was tearful when we parted the next morning, as I was leaving for the next part of my itinerary, and that was as moving as the loving sex which we shared the afternoon and evening before.

    A one-night stand can be empty sex but it can be something more, and I always aimed for the something more. And I have also had empty sex although not so often, but that is the luck of the draw.
     
  16. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Here's anoter slant.

    Animals are very physical and into contact.

    You can go to a friend's house, and if they have a cat, it will often jump onto your lap and want or enjoy being petted.

    They also will cudlle when they sleep together or with a human. Some of this may be about warmth, but I don't think all of it is.

    What do you think is the difference between humans and animals in this regard?
     
  17. cbrmale

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    Most animals aren't into physical contact, and cats are the exception. I lived on a farm for a few years, and I can tell you that horses, cows and sheep are anything but affectionate to one-another, or affectionate to humans!
     
  18. pbs

    pbs
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    I think domestic animals like cats and dogs are bred for certain qualities, and affection may be one of them in some breeds. More social animals like primates, tend to be more touchy than herding animals, and humans are social animals. I know very few humans who don't appreciate being touched. It's the most intimate form of communication.
     
  19. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Thats completely false, the apes grooming each other thing is more about physical contact than actually picking bugs out of their hair.

    Go to a pet store and see how the hamsters sleep, all cuddled up together.

    I always ad dogs growing up and they always wanted to sit on your lap or sleep in ur bed.
     
  20. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    We're talking about the OP here and the sterotype that men don't like cuddling after sex, or spooning while sleeping like animals do.