intimacy question

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by redrose35, Mar 12, 2012.

  1. redrose35

    redrose35 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I met an amazing guy recently and wanted to to do it with him this weekend. We have known each other for a while now. I haven't had sex in about a year or so. Long story short, we were fooling around and he tried to get inside of me and I was so tight. I could tell he was getting frustrated. I had him go down on me we did some more foreplay and then he did eventually inside of me but then I heard him say he really wasn't feeling it or in the mood anymore. It was really awkward. I just told him that lets just get dressed then and forget it. i was so dissapointed in all of this of course there was silence then between us and he I asked him if he was OK. He told me that it was just awkward and distracting and first, it would not go in, then it did, and then it became too slippery. He said he could also see I was frustrated.

    The night just ended and I told him it probably was not the right time and I told him I was going to head home since it was getting late. I ended up leaving with the most awkwardest goodbye and just told him "see ya" and wished him a good day at work today. He said the same.

    I guess what bothered me was that I just default assumed that it was all my fault because it had been a while and that I was tight it was a turn off and he didn't want to deal with it? or maybe he thought I had absolutely no experience and it would be too much work? or was upset that he kept sliding out? he wasn't that communicative and after we got dressed he was pretty silent. I don't know if he just felt awkward or his ego was affected by this who knows? I am not even sure if he will contact me or if I should even contact him again.

    Any advice?
     
  2. wise

    wise New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2012
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    I would say that he has the problem, definetly not you. It sounds like you did everything to make it work, that he just wanted to stick it in and cum. Besides any time a guy is upset about sex on one occasion, even the first one, he is probably not a good candidate for an intimate, caring, mutually beneficial sexual relationship.

    I have had many times when one particular way just did not seem to be working that night -- as the saying goes "the angle of the dangle" just was not right. Even so I have always figured out how to make it a rewarding sexual experience for both of us.

    Sometime you may want to try girl on top (I would not waste my time on this guy). That way you are in control and can lower yourself down at your own pace.

    Good Luck,
    Wise
     
  3. Trond

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,665
    Likes Received:
    387
    Gender:
    Male
    Did he suddenly go soft from all the trouble? Sometimes guys feel awkward and embarrassed when that happens.
     
  4. redrose35

    redrose35 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for responding. I appreciate it. It was hard to tell but he might have gotten a lil soft. I eventually got on top and then he suggested doggie style and was able to fully get inside of me then. By then, he just said, he was no longer in the mood. Then he started to say he was close to cumming but then stop and said he wasn't in the mood. It was stange. I appreciate all your feedback.
     
  5. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male


    That's very odd behavior on his part. He was apparently mentally distracted about something, no telling what it was. Maybe he was a virgin and having second thoughts. I'd say don't let it worry you.
     
  6. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    It does sound like it was his problem not yours. Maybe it was nerves, maybe as HardRocker said he had something else on his mind.

    Sex doesn't always work everytime but from my experience, the worst thing is to decide it's not working and jump up and get dressed. It kind of seals it with a failure stamp. Rather, I would try as Wise suggested and make something of the moment, even if it was just an extended cuddle and a promise to continue next time.
     
  7. redrose35

    redrose35 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female

    Thanks for the response. I agree getting dressed was not the best, but he got off the bed and just said it wasn't working and I really didnt know what to say or do then, I think I said its ok and lets just get dressed. I know he isnt a virgin but I think he was upset of the tightness issue? I sat down with him and asked him if he was ok after we got dressed and he was quiet and just started to say the it was just awkward and distracting and first, it would not go in, then it did, and then it became too slippery. He said he could also see I was frustrated.



    thanks for all of your advice.
     
  8. tonixo

    tonixo New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2012
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    what the eff is wrong with that guy- i have no idea why anyone would make it that awkward..its not good for either party involved.
    what a douchee
     
  9. Cappy_Dick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2011
    Messages:
    2,286
    Likes Received:
    2,641
    Gender:
    Male
    Honey, It's not you. A friend on another site had pretty much the same question recently. That site allows the OP to choose their favorite answer.

    ***
    No. A tight fit is generally more enjoyable for both.

    Except for the extremely rare possibility of an unusually small vagina encountering an unusually large penis, this isn't likely to ever be a problem.
    Statistically, 50% of men fall in the normal range of 5.to 6.5 inches. This leaves about 25% smaller and 25% larger. Only about 1.5% of men have a penis larger than 7.5" and a penis larger than 9" is extremely rare. A penis any larger than 6" in circumfrence is also extremely rare.

    That said, except in the case of a woman having an extremely small opening, which is less than one tenth of a percent, the size of either partner should make little difference in the comfort to either in intercourse.

    Personally, falling in to the range of only 1.5% of men being larger, I have neither had complaint of being too small, nor had complaint of being too large beyond the initial stage of first entry.
    ***
    To further add to the points in your question; Is there really such a thing as too slippery? I know sometimes women worry about this, but from half a century on this planet, I can tell you most men think the wetter, the better.

    I also had an fwb who prior to us had not had sex for several years. The tightness was great, but posed no major problem.

    All this said, I'm thinking he can't really be that into you. If the was, you wouldn't be telling us all that, as he'd tried harder to make the first time at least somewhat of a success.

    xx
     
  10. BigTitLover

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2011
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    345
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    STL
    Not sure whats up with that guy, first time with anyone you're bound to run into a snag especially if its been a while for either party. There have been "first" nights were I was so nervous I couldn't stay hard for nothing at the start. How the other person reacts means a lot.

    Last girl I was with was like you. First couple of attempts (even after some foreplay) not successful. She started to apologize, I smiled told not to be sorry and I accepted the challenge LOL neither one of us would sleep until she got off. couple hours later we were both snoozing. just took some time to get her to relax.

    As for being overly wet, I have encountered that too, can be little frustrating depending on the position, but its not something to up and get dressed over that's for sure. Change up the position so things connect better.

    If he couldn't deal with a little snag in the evening, sound like hes got some issues of his own.
     
  11. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    144
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Scotland
    Hmmm, there can be a little awkwardness for the first few times with a new partner but he does sound pretty inconsiderate. I think if I was in his position (.......hmmm, that doesn't sound right!) I would try a little patience. If you were too wet, he could have worked with you to 'use up' some of that moisture.

    Was he inexperienced? I think it may have been suggested also that, maybe the pressure got to him and he went a bit soft. If that was the case, then again there are ways to try to resolve that..... Is he a thing of the past now or are you still expecting to have sex with him again?
     
  12. 18wheeler

    18wheeler Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2011
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    indiana
    I'd say it's definitely his problem. I thing most men would agree, tight is a good thing. I believe both of you getting frustrated probably made the problem worse... Even with him going down on you, your frustrations and maybe embarrassment is going to lessen you arousal, and being tense also makes for less "access"

    I don't know many, if an man, who is going to get irritated if a woman is going to let him have sex with her, and I believe a normal man would do anything in his power to make it happen.

    Next time you should both stop.. Kind of make out, cuddle, whatever, but calm down and get you minds together and let it move slower. Pay attention to each others needs and what each of you like... I bet you find he "slips right in" when your both ready.


    Odd you mentioned doggy style was finally the key to penatration..... When my wife and I have times where it doesn't work due to angles, or moods, or whatever causes the problems, I have times where I'll loss my hard on..... However... If she gets into the doggie style position, I'm always hard as a rock..... Very sexy position, and due to the fact that most times she says it hurts, we never have sex In that way... So its a sure move to get me aroused more than normal.
     
  13. redrose35

    redrose35 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    thanks everyone for all of the feedback. It helps to know that this is not all my fault because of my tight vj or whatever other reason. Now that I think more about it, it was sort of rude and inconsiderate of him and I think what bothered me more was also how he just shut down and wouldn't communicate after.
    I just figured now to see if he contacts me in the next few days, I do like him and don't object to meeting up again and give it another try if he wants. A part of my also feels that I might contact him? I am not sure how he feels and if is ego is affected in kind of way but thought I would at least text him? thanks again for all of your responses. This board rocks!
     
    #13 redrose35, Mar 13, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2012
  14. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    144
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Scotland
    If you do get together again, RR35, remember that his reaction may have been to disguise the fact that he was feeling he could not perform. Nothing to do with you but wwe tend to handle that situation badly. We hide it from ourselves as well as our partners. So, the talking and caressing bit comes in then.

    Good luck.
     
  15. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2012
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    He sounds like a complete idiot. Forget him.
     
  16. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    I had a very similar experience a year ago. I hadn't had sex for 14 years, had gone through menopause and not wanting to be touched. Then, last year, I became a horny fiend! Met a guy, tried to have sex and couldn't -- was so dried up and it hurt extremely bad. As soon as he'd try to enter me, my body would react and close up so he couldn't. He asked me why I was closing him out and I told him it wasn't voluntary. I was sooooo mortified and embarrassed!!

    What was weird was -- I got on a hormone cream regimen and was back to normal after a month or so. I told him all was fine now and we tried again, all went fine until he lost his erection and couldn't finish. So, jeez, couldn't win in that relationship!
     
  17. yuyo

    yuyo New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2012
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dominican Republic
    That douche don't deserve a girl. Show him the door.