infidelity

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sweeetest, Oct 8, 2003.

  1. sweeetest

    sweeetest New Member

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    just wondering what everyones thoughts are on infidelity. has anyone cheated or been cheated on and what did they do about it or why did they do it
     
    #1 sweeetest, Oct 8, 2003
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2003
  2. hotlady

    hotlady New Member

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    well, i was the cheater. i got married at 16 at was married for 15 years. he was 10 years older then me. he got to fool around and have fun when he was young and i didn't. so, stupid as i was, knowing that this man loved me and wanted to be with me, i cheated. it hurt him and i, to this day, still pay for it. we went into counseling and things were ok for a while. he always said that he could forgive, but never forget, which was ok. one thing, he never threw it in my face what i did. we are divorced now, and are the best of friends :) . under very strange circumstances, we are living together again. but there is no sex involved. he does his thing and i do mine. but, we are both there for our boys. i think i did it because 1), i was stupid, 2), to see exactly what else was out there and 3), what was i missing. the saying goes, "The grass is always greener on the other side"...no it's not, and i found out the hard way. :(
     
  3. archer_007

    archer_007 New Member

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    Yes, ive cheated on my current g/f once, and i really reget it. Ive stop now, but im still not going to come clean, because she will never find out thankfully.
     
  4. hotlady

    hotlady New Member

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    i think you should tell her. my husband already knew and was just waiting for me to come clean. becareful that your plan don't backfire..

    goodluck!!!!!!!!
     
  5. archer_007

    archer_007 New Member

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    Im not going to tell her. I was out of town when it happened and I was meeting up with an old friend.
     
  6. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Yes, I have cheated on my ex fiance'. I was young & stupid, but I'm glad I did. I realized that I wasn't ready for marriage & that we were not a good match to begin with. He cheated on me once & I was ready to kill him over it. But, I turned around and did it to him...like I said I was young & very stupid.
     
  7. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    I'm in that relationship now, I'm not sure what I would do in the end. I swore I would never cheat on anyone if I ever got into a relationship, to be just like my father. But I'm not sure what I would do now, considering the person I'm "involved" with hates her husband, and her husband already said if she found someone to go for it lol

    So I dunno what I would do.
     
  8. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    So you are involved with her now?
     
  9. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    Involved in so much as we go out to the mall, talk on the phone all the time, go to our surgery meetings together etc. In so much as I can't think of going one day without talking to her now.
     
  10. sweeetest

    sweeetest New Member

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    well i suppose everyone told there story ill tell mine. i kissed a guy when we were 16 and i regret it. He who i thought would never do that to me did do it and i can not get over it. i cant get over it because i dont believe he is sorry he never told me a thing everything i found out i found out myself and it is all because of the net they were all off the net very young and very old it made me sick i hate him for it its weird that u can love and hate someone at the same time. he wont come to councilling he wont do anything and all this while i was pregnant with his baby i thought it was the best time of our life but i was so wrong. from the day he got on the net my life has been HELL!!! it has ruined our relationship and our family but thats a whole other subject.
     
  11. talkitive male

    talkitive male New Member

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    i once cheated on a girl, i never told her, but something changed, i'm in a relationship now and the reason i haven't cheated is because i know it would change it.

    why do we call it cheating even, we build expectations of what are partners should and should not be, be subconciouslly set up a code of practice this can be cultural or religious when this unwritten code is broken we call it cheating, the reason i bring this up is that swingers as personality do interest me (though i would never swing myself, i just don't believe it would do it for me), how do they reconcile this, or is their cultural code different and can two adults stay in a relationship and share each other sexually, are their social consequences, what if everyone did it how would it affect the world?

    i ask as i don't know
     
  12. Hug_It

    Hug_It New Member

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    Well to the swinging aspect, I wouldn't have ever called myself a swinger but I've been in a relationship where we had other partners involved. It wasn't like we went all out and it wasn't anything we would do apart. We just wanted to experience things together. Sounds weird but it made us closer. The sexual acts themselves weren't anything that spectacular but the build up and aftewards (talking about it) was pretty cool. Felt like you did something really naughty and you get to share it with the person that is closest to you.

    Don't expect it in any future relationships but it never caused a single problem in the relationship I was in. Infact I consider that relationship the closest and most rewarding relationship I ever had and it was better than I ever imagined a relationship could be.
     
  13. garberj

    garberj New Member

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    I have been married 4 1/2 years (got married at 17) and I have NEVER cheated or even thought about cheating. I know for a fact that my husband would never cheat on me either. I think if you are married and cheat on your spouse...you didn't take your marriage vows seriously and you don't really love your spouse. Too sad! Even since I was married young...I don't feel like I missed out on anything and my husband & children are the best things that ever happened to me...why would I have gotten married if I wanted to sleep around? Doesn't make sense to me! :mad
     
  14. HardRandy

    HardRandy New Member

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    Oh, yes

    I have cheated in the past and I will cheat in the future.

    It's a common story but I never thought it would happen to me. Before we were married, my wife and I would fuck every chance we got. Sometime, we would even pull over on the side of the road to knock one out. But as soon as we got back from the honeymoon, it just stopped. She was too tired, she had a headache, she was too busy, any excuse she could think of. I was very patient and understanding. I turned up the romance, gave her gifts, and did special things for her, but she told me I was only doing it to get sex. She even told me that I was being insensitive to her feelings by trying to have sex with her (obviously, my feelings were irrelevant). We had sex about five times the first year, twice a year for the next couple of years, and now about once every other year. And the only time we have sex is by way of barter, e.g. she'll fuck me if I let her remodel the kitchen. Sex with my wife is too much work and completely unsatisfying.

    So yes, I do cheat. About 3-4 times a year. And I will continue cheating. I feel no obligation to remain faithful so long as she feels she has no obligation to fuck me.
     
  15. ViviWannabe

    ViviWannabe New Member

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    I have never cheated, and I don't believe I've ever been cheated on. At least not with my current boyfriend.
     
  16. garberj

    garberj New Member

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    Here's an idea...to all the cheaters, why don't you just leave the person you're with (break up...get divorced) before having sex with someone else? If your sex life with your spouse is that bad..that you would go out and cheat on them...you don't have much of a marriage...why even stay together? I just don't quite get it. :eyes
     
  17. ViviWannabe

    ViviWannabe New Member

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    I take that back about never being cheated on. Way back in middle school, I knew a guy who asked me out to get into my pants. Now in the sixth grade, there's no way I'm ready for it (some people may be, but not me). When he doesn't get it, he tells the entire school that he did, and then I find out that he's sleeping with several other girls behind my back. :mad

    What did I do about it? I left a big red handprint on his face and told him not to even come within ten feet of me anymore. I never really had a good reputation in middle school, but he ruined what little I had. :mad

    But I've never cheated. And I never will. I don't care how strong temptation is. When I started seeing my boyfriend, I was still with my ex. I would not let him do anything more than hold my hand and lean his head on my shoulder until I broke up with my ex, and temptation was very, very strong. :drool But I resisted, and broke up with my ex, and my boyfriend and I are now very happy.
     
  18. YumYumYummyGirl

    YumYumYummyGirl New Member

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    I've never cheated, never felt the need to, nor would I because when I am with someone I am with them because they are the one I want to be with.
    Been cheated on yes, and it's the most painful feeling in the world.
     
  19. confused

    confused New Member

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    This is a deep subject one in which I did one time. But I have been on the other end of it one time that I actually busted. 2 other times where rumors with a trace of fact. EXPLAIN SOMEOTHER TIME.....I do know nothing hurts quite like it. The hardest thing to do is to find the reasons why. What drives us to do it, reasons we all have them. And maybe that would be a good thread to start. But you want to know what is harder. When it is over and your spouse still doesn't love you, and is thinking of moving out 3 years after the fact. Coming home when you know she really doesn't care or not. And there are other things still funny in this picture. Which would be another good thread, what things make you think something is going on. This post may ramble on so if there is something you want to know ask.
     
  20. Stilllearning

    Stilllearning New Member

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    I've been married over 30 years and been on both sides of cheating. Some of you have some very good thoughts on the subject, but let me say one thing --- you can survive it. I'm miffed by this social climate that we wrap marriage in. I see single mothers struggling to raise children alone and "trial" marriages. Get realistic for a moment. As early as the Kinsey report in the 50s, infidelity was frighteningly common and you know the statistics today. It's a fact of life that if you get married, there is a more than even chance that it will happen to one of you at some point in your relationship. And what do most of us go into marriage feeling? We don't give any thought to whether our spouse if supportive, mature, responsible or just someone so special that regardless of what happens we know that no one else can make us feel the same way. Instead, most of us just have one rule "don't be unfaithful". I certainly don't condone infidelity or encourage it, but if you're trying to have a lasting relationship, you should consider if you can overcome infidelity if it happens. There may come a day when you have to look into your loved one's tearful eyes, throw glasses at the wall in anger and frustration, argue and cry until dawn because you can't sleep, but take a moment to think back on those dating years and remember the people you dated that had no depth or breadth of feeling and count yourself as lucky to have that in this world of shallow people and relationships and try to make it work. If you married the right person and have committment, you can overcome anything.