Incorporating fetish?

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by madsoam, Nov 12, 2006.

  1. madsoam

    madsoam New Member

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    I'm new to this fascinating forum, and I'd like to contribute my own 'situation' for some discussion...

    I have been happily married to my wonderful wife for a while. We have what I would characterize as a very healthy sex life, and we are both very attracted to each other. Like I would suspect is the case for many successful couples, after some time (several years for us), we began to take the next steps in our love life and began looking to really get to know each other's deeper fantasies and turn-ons.

    I initially hesitated in this effort, because I have a fetish that I was uncomfortable sharing. For as long as I can remember, I have have been turned on by muscular women. In fact, my fantasies are almost exclusively of such women. I've kept this a secret forever, but eventually I decided to share this wife my wife, who is decidedly not muscular, in an effort to improve our intimacy further. I am turned on by my wife, but I always end up with images of female bodybuilders in my head when we're having sex as a means of enhancing the entire experience. Thankfully, my wife was accepting and intrigued by this confession of mine...and even admitted that she kind of wished that she had such an effective 'go to' fantasy of her own. I have to admit that I didn't really explain how this is really a fetish of mine, rather choosing to present it as more of a fantasy to soften the blow and not make her feel threatened by it.

    Now, despite the fact that she is OK with this unique aspect of my sexuality, we have not really thought of any ways to incorporating it into our love life. I've brought it up a couple of times, but she responded that she thought of it as 'my thing' and didn't really think to doing anything with it. I can't blame her for this, as I am well aware of the way most people respond to women like this (I noticed a recent thread on "Muscle Chicks" in another forum on this site), so I'm curious about how other people with fetishes that are naturally difficult for their partners to understand manage to introduce them to their sex lives. A discussion with her of the fetishistic nature of this for me might be the next step, but I have not initiated this conversation, yet.

    I'd love to hear any comments. Thanks...
     
  2. Hot Wheels

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    First off,Welcome to SF:sf madsoam:D
    Just to clarify things a little...a couple of questions,
    Is it just the image or "vision" of muscular women that inspires you? or, is the prospect of having sex with one the major turn on?
    Might make it easier to work out ways to include this within your sexlife is all.:)
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    As I have learned since being on Sexualforums, a "fantasy" is a mental picture that one enjoys while having sex. A "fetish" is an actual physical act that one needs in order to truly enjoy sex.

    A "fantasy" may or may not ever become a reality, but can still remain an enjoyable part of sex. A "fetish" is something that, at some point needs to become part of your reality, as your sexual pleasure hinges on it.

    So, I suppose 'madsoam' is indicating that he wants to take it to the next level - admitting that it's NOT a fantasy... it's a fetish.

    With that in mind, try bringing it up more often, revealing your obviously heightened sexual arousal. Make it a two-way conversation. Make it fun. Allow her to interject imaginations about "you and some muscle-chick". This may get her interested enough to think about doing something about it.

    However, if she's not into body-building for your sexual pleasure and she is not open to allowing you to actually fuck another woman, then the ball is in your court.

    There are several threads on :sf pertaining to compromise, when it comes to sexual pleasures, and accomodating each other's needs. Most say that if you have a 'keeper', it's not worth giving it up for one or two acts in which the other partner won't participate.
     
  4. Thorn

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    Just make sure (if you actually do get with a muscle chick) that she won't beat your ass if you arn't good in bed with her. :lol
     
  5. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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  6. madsoam

    madsoam New Member

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    Some interesting questions. I've spent a lot of time trying to understand if this thing of mine really fits the definition of a fetish or a fantasy. The line can get a little blurry, and the actual definition of a fetish is actually a rather nebulous one, if you ask me.

    The fact that it is nearly almost necessary for me to invoke images of muscular women in my head to achieve climax is really what has lead to me settle on the fact that it is a fetish. Also, this strong attraction to female muscularity goes way, way back for me...predating any sexual awareness. I have memories of drawing pictures and playing out scenarios as a pretty little kid (5 or 6 years old). It seems reasonable to me that a fetish need not require a physical act, but it can also be a strong sexual response to a concept, whether acted out or not. When 99% of one's fantasies revolve around a certain aspect of something (in my case a woman's muscles, particularly when developed to an uncommon level), and this fantasy must be invoked 99% of the time to achieve sexual gratification, would this not seem to be a fetish?

    Also, to be clear, although I might fantasize about this, I'm not really looking to bring another woman into the picture. I'm speaking more about perhaps watching videos as foreplay, reading or making up stories, play acting, or something of that nature. I suppose how to involve a fetish/fantasy that a dedicated partner cannot completel fulfill is the part of the reason I bring this up for discussion. Although my wife might decide she wants to hit the gym a little once motivated by my interest (the idea of her having even a small amount of muscle is incredibly exciting to me as well), I'd consider it highly unlikely that she'd look to achieve the physique of a bodybuilder.
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Then I'd opt for continued discussion with her, and your idea of incorporating videos, or making up stories with your wife sounds like a good one. if it is compleely strange to her, then you'll have to be patient & live out your fantasy/fetish in your head until she wants to accomodate you (IF she wants to, as well).