In need of "swinging" advice...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Donia, May 16, 2006.

  1. Donia

    Donia New Member

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    Before I really start, let me preface this by saying that not everything in this post will be logical. I'm asking for advice from my heart and not my head and I'm a woman who tends to be a bit jealous and sensative when it comes to her husband.

    Ok, here goes...I'm on my second marriage and the first one ended up being basically sexless. Now, during the 3 years that I was separated from him, I was very open and free sexually and did lots of experimenting and acting out my fantasies. It was wonderful and I truly loved letting that part of me out. I always said during that time that when I decided to get married again, I wanted it to be with someone who was open minded and who would experiment WITH me. Well, I found that man and we've been married almost 2 years now. We have done SOME kinky stuff together, but just the two of us. I've always told him that I felt like I would be open to us being with other people at some point. I know he's ready for us to have a 3-some with another girl and we're going to a swinger's party this Saturday. It'll be our first one together and I'm very scared and nervous. Although I've done things like this before with ex-boyfriends, I was never really in love with them. Logically, I know he loves me and he can separate the physical from the emotional and just have a sexual experience with someone else, as can I, but I just don't know how I'm going to handle it. He has even said that if I ended up with another man, he could live with it as long as he couldn't see or hear anything and we used a condom...you know, whatever basic bounderies he feels is necessary. I don't think I'm ready to just let him go off with someone else, but I don't know.

    I guess I would just like to know what you all think about this situation and if anyone has had any experience with this.
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Hmmmmmmmmmmmm - sounds like you are having questions/misgivings about your plans.
    Personally, I have always wanted what you are talking about.
    That said, ---- I have ALSO had those same reservations. It's a hard thing to figure out. If you go through with this Saturday's plans, you will be dealing with some feelings. Jealousy. Insecurity.

    If you or he ends up with someone else... you WILL see/hear it.
    Bottom line is, can you deal with it?
    :shrug
     
  3. Donia

    Donia New Member

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    You know, Rose, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's exciting and the times when I have had multiple sex partners were the times that I was happiest sexually. I also don't want to be the controlling wife who stifles her husband's sexuality his whole life because I've been stifled myself and I know how it feels. But...there's enough of the old-fashioned stay faithful thing that was ingrained into my brain growing up that I worry about it causing problems. I think I may tell him that I want us to go to see how we'll both be, but that I'm not ready for either of us to be with anyone else yet. Does that make sense?
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I think so. Taking it slow, getting adjusted to your 'inner feelings'. I have heard that at these parties, you are free to not participate - just hang around, socialize, and see if you connect with the people. And who knows, you both might jump right in. :lol

    It probably would be a good thing to have some guideline agreed upon beforehand. something to the effect that if either of you does not feel comfortable joining in the action, then the other should oblige. Coming home and discussing the misgivings experienced might help resolve them. Then, if you attend another party, it may be easier.

    Let us know how it goes, if you decide to go. :tup