In Need of Some Help

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by buddy0975, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. buddy0975

    buddy0975 Member

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    So I have a pretty shitty situation on my hands.

    I've been single for over a year now, well I'm not now. I had been. Now I'm dating this girl that I really like. We connect on every level... except sex. Its an odd feeling for me. I love sex. I'm very into it. I tend to lean a bit more towards aggressive, slightly rough sex. She isn't extremely experienced, but she's been with enough guys and knows what she's doing. For whatever reason though, I can't bring myself to take control (not in a bad way, just like initiating and driving during sex). It really bothers me, cuz I REALLY like this girl. It's not that I'm not turned on by her either. I think she's very attractive, I love kissing her. The attraction is there. I just respect this girl so much that I don't take control. I feel like anything remotely rough or aggressive is disrespectful to her. I've never felt like that about anyone. I've had plenty of really fun, rough, aggressive, exhilarating sex. I dunno if the fact that I haven't had sex with a condom in a long time, so its desensitizing me a bit, or if its the fact that I don't want her to be uncomfortable or something else entirely. Its not even that I'm not horny. I still watch porn every day, and there's another girl that I've sort of been after for a year or so, and she and I have been hanging out, and I still get horny and want to bang her (I never have actually). I don't get it. Anyone have any ideas or able to offer any advice?
     
  2. wrathofjade

    wrathofjade New Member

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    Why dont you just ask her if you can be more aggressive or if she would mind?
     
  3. buddy0975

    buddy0975 Member

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    She's basically told me I can be. That's the problem. I still just don't feel comfortable.
     
  4. T_Bone

    T_Bone New Member

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    I experience a similar ordeal with the girl I'm with now. And after a few months it was not a problem.
     
  5. FlirtyChick

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    I have no clue, dude. Perhaps you love her?
     
  6. college_girl

    college_girl New Member

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    Ask her to take control and be rough. Maybe when she does it and you're used to the rough sex with her, you'll be able to initiate.
     
  7. Ford

    Ford New Member

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    The relationship is still new, don't stress the more time you spend together the more relaxed you will be, as time goes you'll learn each others likes and dislikes in the bedroom and you can do things more freely.
     
  8. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    completely agree with this, dont worry too much.
     
  9. buddy0975

    buddy0975 Member

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    Thanks for all the suggestions guys and gals... I'm still working on it.
     
  10. ccjcool

    ccjcool New Member

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    You know...upon reading what you wrote...your "problem" is quite simple: You like her and you dont want to fuck this up! Take your time and just go with the flow. Like others mentioned, talk to her about it, but casually. Dont fret over it...heck, just give it some time and you might not even have to have a convo with her about it.
     
  11. FlirtyChick

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    Getting sexually wiser by the day, my friend! Keep practicing!
     
  12. albere

    albere New Member

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    Try to forget for a bit about what you like and want and go with the flow. You never know you might be suprised!
     
  13. buddy0975

    buddy0975 Member

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    I think that the suggested "problem" being that I actually like her is absolutely true. I find myself missing her sometimes when we don't hang out for a while. I've had some ungodly awful relationships in the past (my most recent one being very sexual, where I can honestly reflect on it now and admit that I don't even think that we cared about each other we just had great sex... and that gf cheated on me with my roommate at the time). So I think I'm also mentally just fucking myself over this.