in it for the long run....

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by doclucky, Jul 5, 2006.

  1. doclucky

    doclucky New Member

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    ok, so im in the first serious relationship of my life, weve been together just over a year, and she is singularly the most amazing person ive ever met, im head over heels for her, and we fit together (in everyway you can think of ;) ) like we were made for each other, but even with all this, i have a bad problem getting restless, and my inexperience with a serious relationship is putting stress on it, any body out there got some wisdom theyd like to impart?

    on a side note.... the girl im with has had incredibly bad luck with her last relationships, and because im a pretty good looking kid (made worse by her slightly biased opion that im beautiful) and have had inumerable past relationships, shes worried im going to leave her for some body prettier (shes also got a kinda low self esteem) is there any way to calm her fears besides me telling her" dont worry i wont, your amazing and i love you"?
     
  2. bluenavigator

    bluenavigator New Member

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    Doclucky, don't you know that you can edit your post, to add the side note? Just look at right bottom corner of your post, there is "EDIT" button. That is where you click to change whatever you need to add, subtract, multiply or divide your post. Oh dang! I am not in my math class...
     
  3. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    Posts merged.
     
  4. Logger

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    Dear Doclucky,

    You ask about giving your GF confidence that you will stick with her. One approach is to build up her confidence with reply phrases, like:

    "Your energies are so computable with my needs, that I am blinded to whatever your appearance, or other's appearances might me. I feel a strong need for your aura of the feelings you kindle and generate in me.'

    Another approach is to suggest taking compatibility tests. It is more important how you get along, than what each other looks like. Accidents happen, and people change. Looks can change. Emotional needs are fairly consistent. Search compatibility tests.

    If GF is worried that you might leave her, she might be having trouble enjoying the present. You might help her improve her skills for enjoying the present. "Notice the color of this wall. Look how shiny the door knob appears. Can we more fully enjoy each other right now?"

    Another approach might be to talk about the future. "What are your goals for the future? Where would you like to live? What schooling do you have in mind? Internships? Starter jobs? What cities or towns do you like? How much would you like to travel?

    What training have you considered studying yourself, to understand helping, supervising and delegating skills? Understanding the approaches to studying human and divine interactions can be helpful in developing a trustworthy aura.

    Some guys have found that buying an inexpensive friendship ring is helpful. Have you looked at pawn shops for a diamond ring? Can you keep it secret that you got it used? Maybe say it came from an Aunt? How much could you spend on a diamond?
     
    #4 Logger, Jul 6, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2006
  5. pirouette

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    Logger,
    We are lucky to have such a great mind in SF.
    Doclucky, I had similar feelings about my guy the first year we were together. Low self esteem was difficult to change for me. I do recall him drawing me out in private conversations. He asked me a lot about myself, my past, and my dreams for the future. He made me feel more confident by showing a genuine interest in me. And not just my history, but all of the possibilities my future held. And yes, there was a ring.
     
  6. Logger

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    Dear Doc Lucky,

    I have recently been studying Marital Conversation skills. Search Amazon. Marriagebuilders has a good guide to couple conversation. If you keep her talking about herself, her ideas, beliefs, goals and dreams, she will not have time to wonder if you love her.

    My goals for conversation with my wife are congenial, cordial, enchanting.

    If you are 18, as your profile indicates, or some similarly youthful age, you will most likely be in your final stages of settling on your ethical, moral, religious values and outlook on life, obligations, and opportunities. Discussing right and wrong in groups with an open atmosphere can further your personal platform of ideals. Your GF may be better able to feel confident in your love, if you are able to express firmly grounded ideas of your morality.
     
  7. Logger

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    Dear Doc Lucky,

    You might ask, how does my GF know my morals?

    Your morals can be revealed by silence, or your comments when situations come up in the news, TV or conversation.

    Situations where not having a definitive set of values, will show.

    A guy has a few weekends with a young lady, she becomes pregnant, and he refuses to help with the abortion expenses.

    A guy goes with a young lady for several months, she gets pregnant, and he refuses to marry her.

    A guy goes with a young lady for several years, leading her to believe they will get married, and then switches to dating a more attractive woman.

    So you might think to yourself, how you would comment on these types of situations, and see if any further study or analysis might give you more solid positions of expressing your values.
     
  8. Miki

    Miki Banned

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    This is quite interesting. :eyes