In front of others..

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Ryna, Nov 21, 2006.

  1. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    My gf told me that she'd like to have sex in front of other people, which I was fine with, but then she told me 4 instances that she did something like that with other men, which kinda killed the mood for me...should that effect my mood on the subject?
     
  2. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Has she tried doggy style with other partners?

    edit: That really wasn't meant to be a smartass remark. My feelings are (since you asked) that her being open and honest with you about having tried something with another partner should not deter you from trying it as well.
     
  3. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    That's true..i got really nauseus when she told me that..i even told her that she doesn't have to give me details, and she went ahead and told me about the 4 guys and places..or 3..forgot already..

    I'll get over it i'm sure, but it just annoys me to know that we're trying to do new things, and some things she brings up, she's already done...considering we're 21..it's not like we had decades of sex already.
     
  4. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    But I think if you focus on the honesty. It's not like you didn't know she has a past. Right? Anything that you try together for the first time is still trying something new. Every experience is new and unique with a different partner. Sometimes it's new and unique with the same partner. She can't go back and undo what's been done because now she's met you and wants all of her memories to be with you...... sucks but it doesn't work that way.
     
  5. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    That post you made kinda helped..I guess you're right. ;)
     
  6. Hot Wheels

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    A wise man once told me that trust and honesty is waaay more important than monogamy...he was right.
    The fact that she is prepared to tell you all about the past should be taken as sign that she trusts you, so dont hold it against her or get upset about it.:D
     
  7. Bluesy

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    Mel, you are a sex sage :bow And a sexy sex sage at that ;)
     
  8. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    Yea, I'm ok now...was just a lot to absorb for some reason...She's also somewhat craving a female, but doesn't want a threesome..so i'll have to think harder into that lol
     
  9. Bluesy

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    OK, I'm a little concerned that she went ahead and gave you details after you specifically asked her not to. That was not very respectful of her. It sounds to me like she might be trying to make you jealous...and/or "bragging" about past sexual conquests, which you have every right to opt out of being subjected to. If you feel more comfortable not hearing about these things, you have the right to say so and have that wish respected.
     
  10. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    Well, I know her well..and I do know she doesn't think before she talks many times..this was one of them...she also doesn't listen sometimes, like when I told her I didn't wanna hear it...

    She wasn't bragging at all because she does regret her past very much.
     
  11. Bluesy

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    I'm guilty of that, too, talking without thinking :ugh A good way to eat a lot of foot sandwiches, that is.

    Just remember, sweetie, you have a right to be listened to.
     
  12. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Ryna, as a woman who has been married for going on thirteen years and only recently told her husband about my cravings to be with a woman (about two years ago)..... she must trust you and care about you very much in order to have told you. It's something that is very hard to share with a partner. Sincerely.
     
  13. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    Yea...we've had many issues in the past, even though we're only going out for a year and a half..feels like forever, haha. I think she's first starting to fully trust me, unfortunately, there are some things I don't like about all this trust lol.

    I'm over it, though...I'll just make sure whatever she does with me is better than she got in the past :dgrin
     
  14. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Rockin' attitude.
     
  15. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    I try lol
     
  16. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    Hi, this is the girlfriend writing. So my bfs been asking me all these sexual questions lately, and we've been more open with each other and having like 6 hour convo's being open and honest about different things, including sex. Which is nice. We're trying to spice things up and get out of the routine.

    He asks me questions and it's hard to answer without refering to the past. Cuz I feel it's easier to explain things if I gave an example or something. This didnt' work out too well. He felt naseous and disgusted w/ me after hearing it. Also we had a misunderstanding. He asked me a sexual question, and I did say, it would be easier if I just brought an example from the past. So basically he said ok, or so I thought, and then he got mad when I told him. Maybe, I didn't realize that he mentioned "anywaysss".. the convo. was online through chatting, so it's easy to skip a line or misinterpret something.

    Then we were fine, and he made this post, and you guys made him feel better.(Thank you for your replys)

    But again he asked me a sexual question.. and I replied to it, mentioning that i've done w/e it was before. And again he got mad and hurt.

    I didn't know how to reply otherwise. I figure since he's being open by asking such things, that i can be open by answering.

    He then goes on telling me he might as well be dating a porn star.. or that i should find other guys to do that stuff with. Meanwhile, i'm not NEEDING to do any stuff, I'm fine w/a boring routine sex life. To me that's good enough as long as it's w/ him. He's the one that brings up the topics.

    I feel reallyyy bad and understand why he may get disgusted. But everyone has a past. He's had his share of girls as well. I'm sure if I tried to picture it, i'd get grossed out too. But, I don't think about it. And understand that it was the past. And that it sucked with everyone before and meant nothing and is way better with him.

    He doesn't regret his past sexual experience. I do, atleast! If I can take back all the things i've done or pple i've been with b4 him, i would. I was young and stupid and didn't have the morals I have now. I was i changed completely at 18 and became a good girl. I wait till i'm in a serious relationship to have sex and don't do random hook-ups or anything.

    I dunno how to make him feel better. Or stop thinking about it.
     
  17. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    He's mad that I've had a threesome in the past, but won't with him.

    Initially he asked why I would'nt have a three some with him. So I went on to tell him that I am against it because I feel it ruins a relationship and trust for ur partner... sex should be something special, a special bond between two partners...i didn't give detail and just mentioned that i've tried it before, but never with a bf.. if it's w/ pple u don't care about then it can be alright.. but if it's with some1 ur serious about..it maybe seem like something fun to do at the time.. but afterwards i'd think.. well if he can hook up w/ a girl w/ me, he can be doing it w/o me there.. plus there's NOTHING positive it can bring to a relationship(that's my view atleast). Plus, I wouldn't want to see him with anyone else. And I love him, so I wouldn't want to take that chance, cuz i feel things wouldn't be the same after, and i'd have trust problems.

    I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings or "brag" at all.. i was just being honest and open and serious. Heh.. I've never seen him so hurt about something like this. He's usually so open minded and careless about such things. I never seen him get jelous over me or anything.

    I tried appologizing cuz i feel bad that he feels bad.. and let him know how much he means to me and how much better it is with him. Cuz it really is. The past meant nothing to me, like I said, I was young and stupid and regret it. I hardly even remember it. And I didn't care for the guys, like I do for him.

    Anyways, any input or suggestions?

    He's saying he doesn't even want to have sex with me anymore... and might need a few days (though we were supposed to hang out tom.)...

    I'm pretty sure if he stops thinking about it and clears his head he'll be ok and get the image out of his mind. Atleast I hope.
     
  18. Hot Wheels

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    Sure it can be sometimes disappointing to hear about things from your SOs past, but the pair of you should be congratulated on your honesty with one another.
    There are a lot of other couples out there who could certainly learn a lesson or two from you guys.:tup
     
  19. Ryna

    Ryna New Member

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    thanks hotwheels!
     
  20. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    In my opinion, you're right no saying that you two aren't in a position to participate in a threesome. I can see that he has jealousy issues when he imagines you with someone else, even someone from the past, before you were committed to him. If that mental image can evoke nausea and jealousy, imagine what the physical and very real sight of you with someone else will do to your relationship.

    Punishing you, as he seems to be doing by withdrawing love from you because of something you did in the past, isn't right or healthy in a relationship. I hope he can get over this quickly and the two of you can move on. If not, the two of you need to make some decisions.