Impossible to come.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Provoke, Mar 20, 2008.

  1. Provoke

    Provoke New Member

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    Okay, as you can see by the number of posts, i'm a stranger to this forum. Hopefuly you guys can help here.

    As you can see by the title, i find it impossible to come when i'm with my girlfriend. She seems to think it's her fault, and won't take anything else as a possibility. When i'm solo it's harder than i think other guys would feel it to come, but it's far from impossible. I can usually pull off a solo if i tried in ten minutes, but thats about the minimum for a quickie.

    Theres another factor that i think might be important for me to explain fully.. I 'suffer' from Chronic Insomnia, have done ever since i was a kid really. I usually sleep once every 3-4 days, depending on my state of mind. Hence why i took up Graffiti when i was a kid, because i couldn't sleep, and the night time is perfect for it.

    Even though the Insomnia can keep me awake for days, and make me feel run down, i still manage to do every day tasks normally. I can still get hard normally, jack off normally. You'de think that because i'm run down all the time, getting and keeping it up might be the main issue here, or that my body is that tired i don't get the proper stimulation for me to come. This is NOT the case. Caps. ;o

    Annnd another thing.. (I'm a wreck, huh?). I'm uncut, but, my foreskin doesn't pull down like most guys would. It usually gets to around below the head of my cock, then it doesn't go any further. It doesn't cause me any pain during sex, or when i'm solo.

    So all that rolled into one is a pretty messy problem imo. The worst part of it in my mind is the fact that my girlfriend in set in thinking it's something wrong with her, or it's her fault. Don't know if any of you have been with someone who thinks that, but it wracks you with guilt.

    I hope i explained everything as well as i should of done to give you guys an idea. :l
     
    #1 Provoke, Mar 20, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2008
  2. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    It could just be your used to masturbation. Like it's been said in other threads the pressure you can put on your cock with a hand is going to be a lot more than any woman can manage vaginally.

    As well about your foreskin are you saying it can't rool back to uncover the head of your cock?

    Also how has sex been with previous girlfriends ?
     
  3. Provoke

    Provoke New Member

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    She'd kill me for saying this, but she's really tight. So i strongly doubt its the whole pressure thing. Also, i live with my girlfriend, so going solo is maybe a 1-2 times a week thing? I don't really need to. xD

    The foreskin thing, it uncovers the entire head, but only just? If that makes sense. I'm 7" uncut, but aparently i'm 'Alot thicker than usual'. So maybe it's just the further away from the head you get, the thicker i get, so it can't stretch over? Sorry if i suck at explaining this.

    Sex with previous girlfriends has been the same. Girls i've been with usually come three times (Seperate times) before i'm even close. Annd.. I've never actually come during sex before, but i've never seen that as a major problem. As long as the person i'm with is happy, i'm happy. It's only become a problem because SHE thinks it's her problem and her fault. I've tried explaining to her that its been like this forever for me, but she does everything she can to make me happy.

    Just another thing, my girlfriend now loves giving me blowjobs and playing with me. Even though it feels awesome, it doesn't get me anywhere near coming.

    Anything else? >.<
     
  4. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    Why would she kill you its a compliment I suppose.

    Sounds kind of like pornstar statistics. You say all your previous girlfriends have multiple orgasams, so none of them have ever had problem with soreness? which is fairly common when guys aren't able to finish.
     
  5. Provoke

    Provoke New Member

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    Please, i might not be able to come, thus staying hard but i'm not a machine. Point out to me where i said multiple.. i don't recall it? She's kind enough to stay up with me most nights when i can't sleep, which ends up in teasing, and then sex.

    If you're going to try and belittle me with comments like 'Pornstar Statistics' because i may have worded it wrong, i'll go somewhere else. If you were insinuating i was boasting, then you're way off the mark. When my girlfriend turns round to me and tells me shes the problem, thats rock bottom for me, so try not to take my situation lightly.
     
  6. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    You said previous girlfriends you've been with have ususally orgasamed three times. I just wondered why you had never encountered any problems with them becoming sore which I thought would be quite likely.

    And by pornstar statistics I meant as a compliment with a note of scepticism.
     
  7. Provoke

    Provoke New Member

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    None of my girlfriends have complained about it, so how am i ment to know? o_O Just to make sure you fully understand, three times could be seperated by two, maybe three hours inbetween.

    Also, i find it a bit insulting to compliment someone with a side of scepticism.

    There were only ever two outcomes to replying to my questions. Help a guy out with some positive advice when hes really in the need for it, or don't. Sorry for being blunt, but after not sleeping for three days, it can kind of piss you off. >.>
     
  8. Dreama

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    Maybe getting regular sleep might help you. Getting more exercise during the day can help, as can taking some valarian root, or melatonin. Both of these supplements promote natural sleep, and are not sedatives. They'll also help you sleep more soundly when you do sleep. Also, are you eating a crap diet? I used to eat terribly, and now I am a dietary vegan, and I sleep much better than I used to. I also feel better in general. I'm not suggesting that you do this, if you don't feel you'd like to, but the slightest change can help in so many ways. Being generally healthful is very important to your sexual and overall health.
     
  9. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    Right so you lose your erection without coming now I get you.

    When I've experienced it before it was with a guy that would stay hard and keep going without cuming
     
  10. Provoke

    Provoke New Member

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    Sigh.. My girlfriend will come usually after around 10-15 minutes of intercourse, but i won't. I dont see it as a problem, so i just cuddle up close to her and we watch some TV. I'll stay hard for around another 20 or so minutes, but seeing as i wouldn't be stimulated for so long, then i'd go soft. Whenever shes in the mood to go again, she'll tease me, rubbing my cock for example, then i'd get hard and repeat the above.

    The only problem is coming.

    As for Dreama's coment about sleeping and healthy diet. (Sorry, don't know how to double quote. >.>)

    I eat pretty healthily imo, i'll cave in for the odd takeaway every two weeks, but other than that i eat salad, pasta and other things i'd consider to be reasonably healthy.

    As for the sleeping issue, i'll try explain my Insomnia further so you get an idea of why suppliments and even drugs from my doctor doesn't really work.

    When i try to sleep, it's like having the TV, Radio, CD Player and the PC all running at once for you. If they were all turned up full, you'de find it impossible to sleep. My chronic insomnia can sometimes be that bad i can't physically close my eyes for longer than three seconds, literally. I think Wikipedia explains it best:

    "Insomnia is a sleeping disorder characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep despite the opportunity. It is typically followed by functional impairment while awake. Insomniacs have been known to complain about being unable to close their eyes or "rest their mind" for more than a few minutes at a time. Both organic and non-organic insomnia constitute a sleep disorder."

    I'm not nudging for sympathy here, i'm just trying to explain it seeing as 99% of people i talk to can't believe that i can't close my eyes for more than 5 seconds at night, or that i even have Insomnia. It is doctor diagnosed.

    Overall, apart from the Insomnia, i'm a health 18 year old guy. Graffiti keeps me on my feet. I play ice hockey whenever i can.

    I just don't get what the answer is tbh.. annd, pardon the language, but it fucking annoys me. With not being able to sleep, I KNOW the answer, with this, i don't.

    It's.. Frustrating to say the least.
     
  11. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    Okay you really need to see a doctor. And going out late at night graffiting walls well that could be bad for your health as well.

    But if you want to come the only guaranteed way is for your gf or you to massage your prostate during sex. Either that or just explain the situation to her and masturbat yourself during sex.
     
  12. MaxLong

    MaxLong New Member

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    Insomnia is tough - I get hit in phases. My solution when it was at its worst was to work all weekend - literally. I worked three jobs, and basically straight through from Friday to Sunday night, which is when I'd finally get some sleep, sometimes I'd get a few hours in during the week at night, but it sucked. Alot. With any luck, it'll change for you like it did for me - I can get several hours in a night, though I'll sometimes stay up for 2 days or so. Hope you get lucky with the meds in the meanwhile.

    Anyways... heres my guess.

    If your foreskin isn't coming all the way back, the most sensitive part of your dick is not getting the rub. The underside of a dick, just below the head towards your body, is the most sensitive. Being uncut, its more or less protected from incidental rubbing, which reduces sensitivity slightly with circumcised dicks. Since yours is not cut, your foreskin is kind of protecting it in a way, which actually keeps it more sensitive. However....

    With it not going down all the way, it isn't getting exposed during sex, and is preventing the contact that would get you off. When you're jerking off, you can apply the specific pressure to that one area (which won't really happen with regular thrusting action), which gets you to the finish line.

    Now, not being able to pull it back all the way is NORMAL. 100%. See, the foreskin is too tight at this point, which is why it won't pull back all the way. DON'T TRY TO FORCE IT! It'll hurt like hell. Instead, as a daily ritual, get yourself hard and slowly peel it back, trying to get it to go just a little further each time. This will slowly stretch the foreskin, and let you peel back fully. This will get you to the point where you can get the excitement you're looking for.

    Now, for the psychological aspect. Another problem could be that you are focusing on trying to cum to make her happy - stop that. This can actually have a detrimental effect. Work through the process of peeling back like I mentioned, and instead of cumming from fucking her, ask her to finish you off with a bj or hand job. This way, you both get off, and she'll get the pleasure of knowing she can finish you off.

    Hope this helps!
     
  13. Provoke

    Provoke New Member

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    Tbh, even if it was killing me, i wouldn't stop. You probably wouldn't understand that graffiting walls at night is a way of life, not just a hobby. I appreciate your concern and your advice.

    As for Maxlong, thank you. That answer was perfect. I've been thinking of the medical route of fixing it, and being scared shitless from it. xD Guess i'll just have to see how it goes, just got to get it into the routine i guess. But yeah, everything you said made sense.

    As for the insomnia, its Chronic. I used to be on meds but they made it worse, and gave me insane migraines, so i took myself off them. I'll have it for the rest of my life. It's not all bad i guess, happily contradicts the phrase 'not enough hours in the day'. ^^
     
  14. cbrmale

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    I have the same thing, about 7.5" long and quite thick, the thickest part being mid-shaft like you. This means your sensitive glans doesn't get any stimulation as the thicker shaft of your penis is spreading your girlfriend's pussy: great for lasting long but not so good in your (or my) situation.

    I do two things to compensate. Firstly, I concentrate hard (or fantasize) on how good it feels and how good sex is. Secondly, I sometimes use long and slow strokes, pulling my penis almost right out so my glans is touching my partners lips before sliding in. This stimulates my glans which is rarely touched during intercourse. Men with average-proportioned shafts and glans won't appreciate this problem as much.

    As for the insomina, there are two possible ways to assist you. One is counselling with a qualified psychologist. However insomnia is different to most psychological issues, and to some extent you have to re-programme your subconscious. On that basis, hypnosis (with a qualified hypnotherapist) is often used as a treatment for conditions like insominia.