im unsure

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by babyblue, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. babyblue

    babyblue New Member

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    I guess I'm just feeling a little off today and wanting to vent somewhere. im just mad at myself for letting me get to the point im at right now... im nearly 21 years old and I havent allowed myself to get close enough with anyone to be intimate... i mean I havent ever even Kissed anyone let alone sex. Dont get me wrong i have done stuff... Me and a friend experimented i guess you could call it and i gave him head and he fingered me but thats all... he wouldnt even kiss me and that was 4 years ago when we were 17. I just feel like a bit of a freak for this. like someday when i do finally meet someone how do you explain that your in your 20s and never ever kissed anyone. I dont think I will know what to do. The virgin thing really isnt a big deal theres alot of virgins out there but not having been kissed at 20 really upsets me. Is it just me or is this weired? i dont know anymore.
     
  2. Dreama

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    Yeah, but hey...You're only 20! Not fourty, or fifty, or even 25. Give it time. When you do get that intimate action, it will be all the more special.
     
  3. bucky

    bucky New Member

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    You are not a freak, nor weird. Actually, I'm kind of impressed that you made it through school without being kissed. You must be waiting for that special someone.
    You may be too career orientated, right now, to pursue a relationship, or just don't want the hassle.
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    It could be an emotional fear or a subconscious defensive action to keep yourself from being hurt. :shrug But at your age, I'd give it time, before I worried too much or sought any kind of help or counseling. I have a couple other thoughts, but will see what others interject first.

    I saw where a guy advertised for a "kissing tutor" - as he was getting serious about a girl, but didn't know how to kiss. He, like you, had not kissed a girl, and wanted to make sure he gave it passion and meaning, without being sloppy and overbearing. And he was dead serious! I'm not sure what his outcome has been thus far.

    I think it shows that the person understands the depth of intimacy - from touch... to hold... to kiss...to the 'ultimate'.

    A "freak"? Heaven forbid! I believe that it's a rare & wonderful person who, so early in life, acknowledges that two people giving of themselves (even in a kiss) is like opening your soul to another person.
     
  5. cook74

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    God Damn It! BabyBlue, if I wasn't 14 years older, living on the other side of the planet or married...;)
     
  6. Barbwire

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    I'm just dumbfounded that you've sucked a guy off, but never kissed one. You said your friend wouldn't let you kiss him, but blowing him was fine. That's just fucked up.

    I just hope that you have enough self-esteem and sense of worth to not fall into a situation like that again.
     
  7. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Well if you are a freak so am I - but being a freak is a good thing.

    I didn't kiss anyone until I was in my early 20s.

    I was shy growing up... girls liked me when I was in my early teens, but I wasn't really interested in anything but sports then. Then I snapped my leg playing hockey when my skate caught the boards funny... so I was laid up for awhile and gained a lot of weight.

    This happened right about the time I was gaining confidence with girls... I was going out on double dates and would hold hands and kiss on the cheeks - but was still too shy to go for a real kiss.

    Then I got hurt and gained a lot of weight, which made me feel even more awkward and shy. I healed up and got back on the ice, but it took me a few years to lose all of the weight and get in shape again.

    Girls kept asking me out and would call me etc.. but I kept making up excuses mostly through high school and college if a girl liked me and wanted to go out with me more than twice...I would go on random dates - but never more than once or twice because I was afraid of things getting intimate and they would find out I couldn't kiss, etc.

    It was very upsetting because I was in great shape... everyone told me I was good looking.. I was good at sports... I wasn't someone sitting inside the house hiding in the closet or whatever... I felt like a freak of nature and kept watching my friends date girls and talk about it... and would try to act like I knew what it was all about because I felt so ashamed of myself...

    Then I lost my bro and my life changed dramatically... I decided I wasn't going to worry anymore about my hangups... I stopped caring about what girls would think and if one of them laughed at me, I was going to kick her to the curb... it was time to live my life to the fullest.

    I finally let a girl I was really attracted to kiss me... I invited her over and we watched a hockey game in the living room... and I asked her if she wanted to lay on my bed with me and watch the game in the bedroom... she was up for it.. and I let her make a move on me.. in the past I could read signals and would stop things... but this time I let her lean in and kiss me... at first I couldn't breathe and I was nervous.. but I relaxed and let her kiss me and I copied everything she did...

    She had no idea I never kissed anyone... it was all pretty natural and I felt so silly afterwards for not letting it happen much sooner...

    From the time I let go of my fears and inhibitions I was actually able to date two models and through one of them met my fiancee.. but none of that would of ever happened if I didn't find it within myself to let go of all of my self doubt...

    I figured the worst thing that could of happened was some girl would laugh at me and maybe tell her friends... the best would be that I start living my life and be happy...

    I guessed right and it was the single most important, life altering decision I ever had the courage to make...

    Kissing someone is really easy and when your time comes, you will understand everything I'm saying. Just try not to worry what people think and stop worrying what society tells you that you should be... or have done by now...
     
  8. unalteredone

    unalteredone New Member

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    I think it's something that just feeds itself... like the longer you go without doing it the more likely you are to keep from doing it. I'm sure that if you really wanted to, someone would kiss you. Kisses can be awesome, but in my experience, it's only when you're in a relationship that that happens. Outside of a relationship, they can be fun! Just like with virginity, i think to a certain extent there's all this hype about someone's FIRST KISS....i dont even remember what my first kiss felt like...but i do remember being really nervous and him biting my lip. Kissing isnt a big deal, and it's hard to find someone who is good at it. So i would say, dont build it up to be this whole big thing. It's just kissing. Unlike sex, i'd say just kiss someone you're attracted to but dont know when you go out! That way, you can get over the pressure of never being kissed, and just enjoy yourself!
     
  9. duck

    duck New Member

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    Kissing is over-rated honestly. No, it's not wierd ... it just means when you do it'll be memorable. I can't even remember my first kiss, and if I could do it over again I would have saved it for my current S.O.

    Don't get so caught up in wanting to get that first kiss that you just whore it out to anyone.

    If anything's worth doing ... it's worth doing right.
     
  10. babyblue

    babyblue New Member

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    like most of you have said. I did not have much conficence when i was younger. Im just starting to accept who I am. Like rose said i do fear it, im terrified of being hurt and I will never allow myself to be in the same situation that I was with that friend again. Matter of fact we dont even talk anymore. but thank you. It realy most of the time isnt that big of a deal too me and im too busy with vet school to
    even be involved with anyone. i was just having an off day yesterday
     
  11. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    You listen...

    ...to Rose, then, young lady. You could use a little understanding and care and that's what she specializes in. Notice she picked up on it right away.

    You'll be fine. Be patient.
     
  12. bbygrl20

    bbygrl20 New Member

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    I wouldn't let it get you down
    Don't let your self esteem tear you up inside because it's not healthy and it show's other people that you aren't confident
    Confidence is the biggest turn on to most guys
    So what you haven't kissed anyone...you never know the next guy you get "involved" with will love it and love the fact that he can show you a thing or too
    When the bf and I got together I wasn't a virgin and he was and he loves the fact that I show him new things in the bed room
    So just keep your head up girlie and don't let any man tell you you're not good enough for him
     
  13. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Explaining

    Don't explain too much. A lot of a woman's beauty lies in her sense of mystery! The joy of exploring uncharted waters together in a part of the thrill of a realtionship!
     
  14. redorn

    redorn New Member

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    kissing technique isn't really worth worrying about, its pretty hard to screw it up, at worst you'll only be "okay".

    I was pretty worried about screwing it up first time too, but it turned out to be much easier than it seems, just place your lips on theirs and do a kiss like you'd kiss a friend/relative goodnight and work up from there. Especially if the other person is used to kissing, they'll be do the work long enough for you to work out whats going on.