I just went to my old myspace profile, and read through all my old blogs. Mind you, I got on myspace right after I got divorced, and it hurts reading the shit I posted. I wish I had had some friends back then who cared more, or family. I get tired of being the loner, I really do. I read back all the old messages I sent or received, and realize I could have had some of the beautiful women I was talking to, but I was so hung up on my ex, I couldn't let go. I still have the message from a few top pornstars who want to be with me, back in the day, but I blew it off because I was so caugh up on my ex. I shouldn't have looked at myspace again, because I know it has a lot of bad memories, but I'm a glutton for punishment, and I read a few of my blogs I posted. I have to say this: Why didn't anyone intervene to help me? I was the person everyone turned to for help, but when I needed it, no one was there. I'm a better person for everything, but I also admit I have an arrogance that I am better then most because I have made it in life with all the setbacks, farther then most twice my age, and for that, I feel proud. However, I know I'm proud, not arrogant. Or at least, I try not to be arrogant. So, looking back, I was a sad loner, who gave everything to help others, with no thought of receiving any benefit from his actions. I still don't expect any benefits, but I'm refusing to be a loner anymore. I will go from here, a better man then any you have ever seen. I will conquer what I will, discard what I don't want, and be a forgiving person. I post this not for sorrow or sympathy, but for realization, that I have changed. I am a man. I shed the cloak of childish notions. I know my strengths, and I know my weaknesses. I will embrace them, and I refuse to run from them. To those who hope to see me fall, fuck you and get in line, cuz I won't fall. There's a long line of people who think I should be in a card board box, but I REFUSE to go there. I won't quit, and you can all watch, and follow me.