I'm not sure how to approach this with my wife

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by mr mike sir, Jul 28, 2007.

  1. mr mike sir

    mr mike sir New Member

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    First off, hi, this is my first post here :D


    Anyway, I've been married for close to a year now and would like my wife to watch porn with me. I have a lot of fantasies that I don't know how to express to her. You see, we were raised in church, so I'm afraid to bring it up to her, but it would really get me going if she were to watch porn with me.

    I bought her a dildo about 2 months back, and that was the "dirtiest" thing she has ever done. She's very innocent.

    I also brought up my fantasy about her getting a nurse costume, which she has.

    That aside, my two biggest things are getting her to watch porn with me and her letting me cum on her chest or back. How would you recommend that I approach this in my current situation? Thanks
     
  2. Martin_Baker

    Martin_Baker New Member

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    Umm I don't suppose it would help if she came home from work one day to find you on the couch with cock in hand whacking off to a porno on the tv? You'd have to talk about it then..... :lol
     
  3. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    You need to sit Her down and explain that you have fantasies
    that need to be brought out in the open, And that it is time that She
    told you all Her fantasies.
    Just because She was raised innocent does not mean that She couldn't be the
    hottest Woman in town if given a chance.
    And just putting it off will get you nowhere.
    So go ahead and open that can of worms.

    Hiker
     
  4. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    Even the most innocent of women have fantasies. I agree with Hiker. Sit her down and talk to her. Explain that you have fantasies, and tell her what they are. And ask her about hers. You might just be surprised about what they actually are.

    Good luck.
     
  5. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I have a real bright idea. Say "Honey I'd like us to try watching porn together". She may say yes or no.
     
  6. Amateur Nudist

    Amateur Nudist New Member

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    I'm sure you probably have an adult store in your area. We have a chain around here that is more geared toward women and couples.....not quite as sleazy as some of the stores you might find. Suggest to her that you go in and look around. Start browsing in the dvd section and see what happens.
     
  7. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Communications

    Welcome, nice to have you and great opening question!
    I really understand where you are coming from. It seem the basic problem is one of communications with your wife. This is a real sensitive area, especially for her. One of the serious 'glues' in a relationship is how you both handle expections. In fact most arguments can be traced to unfulfiled expectation. You expect one thing of her, she expects something else of you. Very likely wih her background she expects that you will only have eyes for her and that she wil be the fulfillment of all your sexual desires, or she is a failure. Sitting her down and saying "honey, I need to watch other girls naked and making love" will not bring about the desired results. (surprise, surprise!)

    Most women marry for the security of your love and protection of them. You on the other hand, married for love and sex. Your challenge is to be her spirtual leader, one in whom she has confidence. You have a long road ahead of you. You will have to build her slowly into the woman of your dreams, one who you can discuss anything and she will not take offence at your thoughts. You might try starting by reading "legit" sex books together and decussing them page by page in an open, non-threating way. There were some writted by Dr. Ed Wheat and his wife that were popular in churches a few years ago. What she needs to hear and get "permission" for, is that as a loving wife and Christian that it is within God's plan for husbands and wifes to discuss their sexuallity openly, that all couples do this and it is not dirty, that sex in the loving relationship of a marriage is not sinful. (I'm not judging others here, just answering the question in the context in which it is presented for this couple). She needs to learn that sexual thoughts are good and rightious, and that to share them with a partner will not be harmful, but rather help to open the lines of intimate communications. Ejaculate is not dirty, and neither is pee for that matter, nor is her menstrual fluid. Sex in God's eyes is not dirty, only the misuse of it is.

    You need to listen to her, not just her words, but her feelings. Find out what sex means to her long before you expect her to understand sex from your perspective. Men and women experience sex from drastriclly different positions, and while we may use the same words in the discussion and seen to be engaged in the same act together, it is quite different for each gender and very difficult to understand the other's frame of reference. I could write a lot more, perhaps a book, but this will be a start. You can ask more if you'd like to.
     
  8. evman

    evman New Member

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    It seems as if she is pretty open to new things if she is ok with the dildo and the nurses outfit. My advice would be to wait for the right moment and simply talk to her about it. Talking about it over dinner may not be the right time. All she can do is say no.
     
  9. KissKissTell

    KissKissTell New Member

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    I have to agree with Evman, she already seems a bit open to things, so just talk to her about it.
     
  10. I.Hollywould

    I.Hollywould New Member

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    Communication. Period.

    Of course I'm not one to talk. Easier said than done. [Insert other wordy cliche here.] There are things I wish Boyfriend (tm) would suggest, but it never happens because he is of course not psychic.
     
  11. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Suggest it??

    What keeps you from mentioning/suggesting it to him? Most men admire a woman who expresses her sexual thoughts and asks for what she would like. And you got the "he is of course not psychic" part right, so talk!
     
  12. Green Eyes

    Green Eyes New Member

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    Well it looks like she has been pretty open....so as with the other posters sit down and talk to her. Maybe go to the store and let her pick the dvd out ;)
     
  13. mr mike sir

    mr mike sir New Member

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    Thanks a lot for the responses...I really appreciate your suggestions.

    Last night I approached cumming on her, and she let me do it. It was great, and I think it kinda opened her up a bit to new ideas.

    I will keep bringing up little things I would like to try here and there, and after a little bit, I think it will be much easier for me to bring up the porn.

    Thanks again!
     
  14. I.Hollywould

    I.Hollywould New Member

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    Simple. Because I'm a pansy.

    Nah, I just haven't gotten the courage to say anything. I always feel ridiculous suggesting things because he seems to be very okay with everything (which is likely not true). We're both so digustingly polite to each other when the sexual stuff is concerned that it's become a rather un-adventurous time of the day. But you're absolutely right, I should say stuff. But, like I said, easier said than done.
     
  15. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    That's great :) But ask her about her fantasies too. You might be surprised to find out what she fantasizes about. :)
     
  16. mr mike sir

    mr mike sir New Member

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    I brought that up last night and she only mentioned one, but I'm definitely gonna go with it because I'm glad she was open about it. She wants to get one of those swing things that she can lay in while we fuck.
     
  17. evman

    evman New Member

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    It sounds like you are well on your way. It sounds like your fears were unfounded. I joke to my wife about getting one of those swings as I think it would be a lot of fun but with four kids it's not really practible for us to get one. Kind of hard explaining that one to the kids.

    Good luck in the future and keep us posted.
     
  18. mr mike sir

    mr mike sir New Member

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    good news!

    I asked her if she wanted to go to the sex shop to get a costume, and she agreed. As suggested, I stopped by the DVDs and started looking. To my surprise, she started looking too, and picked one that she thought looked good!

    We're gonna watch it tonight! Thanks for the help :D
     
  19. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    Good for you mate! Always nice to hear about a happy ending.
     
  20. resigirl

    resigirl New Member

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    approaching ur wife!!

    Hey,

    I agree with what everyone has said. Take ur time, ease her into it little by little. She sounds like she's pretty cool with stuff. I'm sure she would go for it. You never know she might be dreaming about the same thing!!