if you're a lesbian can you handle sex with a man?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by naed24, Mar 29, 2004.

  1. naed24

    naed24 New Member

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    is my question valid? hope its ok. my perception of lesbian for a long time is that they are men trap in a woman's body. my encounters with them was they wore men clothes walk, talk and really act like men. and only have sex with women. only when i read some of the posts here that i realize a greater number usually are married or have been in a relationship with a male or men. can you handle also having sex with a man? and also would like to be with a women? hope to be enlightened. :)
     
  2. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Lesbian Sterotypes

    Dear Ned,

    When I was single, I dated women who had been in lesbian relationships. The fact that the woman had recently been with another woman did not interfere with my relationship with the woman, from my perspective. There are a wide range of approaches to lesbian and bi-sexuality. Some women fantacize about a gay encounter but never have one. Some women may have one or two same-sex encounters, and never go back.

    I think that many women who are lesbians have a willingness to be open to approaches from men. There are a wide range of types of lesbians. There are some lesbians who find us men truly distasteful, and really want nothing to do with us. There are more lesbians, I suspect, who will put on the front of not being interested in men, who would be willing to listen to the right pitch. In teenage and college years, most people are in the process of trying various ideas, and some are continued, and some are discontinued.

    If a woman seems attractive to you, who happens to say she hates men, it may still be worth while to figure out some way to approach her. Gay women, who actualy hate men, will still often trust gay men as friends. If one of your friends finds a gay woman attractive, you could maybe learn better approaches by coaching your friends on their approaches to lesbians.

    One gay woman I dated had a number of friends at a particular gay bar, and when we were first dating, I would take her to the gay bar to see her old friends. She would introduce me as her new straight boy friend. Most of the gay women and men at the gay bar seemed to be happy for my girl friend, that she had found a guy. We would sit around, drink, dance a little, and leave after a while. It was just that she had some gay friends, like a woman who might have gay family members. I just tried to be cordial and understanding, no big deal.
     
  3. msc

    msc New Member

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    your question is definatly valid. some lesbians are lesbians because of their fear of men, somtimes because of abuse by a male figure as a child or young teen. some lesbians are lesbians because they just find women more attractive than men. nobody really knows why women or men are homosexual. I think that most lesbians would be able to have sex with a mand but would not get as much pleasure out of it as they would if they were with another girl. Physically, a man could give a lesbian an orgasm, but emotionally they would not feel right. Also, a women's orgasm is much more based on emotion than pleasure, (unlike a man's, who's orgasm is based mostly on physical pleaure), so i dont think that a lesbian would enjoy sex with a man much.

    hope i helped...
     
  4. Giancarlo

    Giancarlo New Member

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    Well the notion that many, some or even a few homosexuals were abused as children is not really true, because there are many heterosexuals who are abused but they aren't gay. I'll flip-flop the question. I'm gay and I wouldn't be comfortable with having sex with a girl... it just would not feel right. Nor would I like it.
     
  5. naed24

    naed24 New Member

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    i've a friend well not really a good friend but hey i'm friendly person :) well anyway, he claims that his gay friend is somewhat flirting with him and wants to have sex with him. he being straight which have never done it with a gay b4 doesn't feel comfortable and as a "motivation" (hehe :D i like that word, and yes my friend used that word) his gay friend offered to bring along a girlfriend. so does this usually happen also? this kinda happened to me also but it was a lesbian trying to hit on my gf which i might add didn't happen. :) thanx
     
  6. Giancarlo

    Giancarlo New Member

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    I don't know what you are rambling on about. I am not going to do it with a girl so forget it. I'm just not interested.
     
  7. Logger

    Gold Member

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    There is something to sticking to what is working for you. Whether its homosexuality or heterosexuality. Changing up is sometimes risky. Some people are comfortable as bisexual. Apparently one way is not a whole lot beter than the other way, for the bisexula person.

    There is a tendency to advocate what works for us, to others. There is a certain amount of advocacy in sexuality.

    When I was in my mid-twenties, I was living cheap, and had a great looking GF. We ended up at a gay guy's house, watching TV with him. We did not have a TV, so it was extra special to us to watch TV. We drank a little. We talked about offering the gay guy to try out heterosexuality. He was not interested. He called his boy friend on the phone, while we were there asking for advice.

    My GF and I talked about our advocacy that night, later, after we left. My GF said she would not have minded helping him to understand hetersexuality better. We were functioning as advocates, I suppose. But we were respectful to the guy.

    Respect of other's points of view has been helpful to me, most of the time.
     
  8. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    Hi,
    Not all lesbians are like what you've come in contact with. You have your "manly" type (sorry if I offend anyone, I use this for lack of a better word) and then you've got your really gurlie type!
    I think for lesbians to have sex with men would be like us having to partner up with same sex partners. It's not what we "prefer".

    Vampie
     
  9. farspark

    farspark New Member

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    I'm a guy who has heaps of lesbian friends... and from my (clearly more extensive) experience, lesbians come in all shapes, sizes, and varieties (as do straights and the rest of us). Here are some lesbian-types who have missed your scrutiny.

    1. The lick-stick lesbian - dresses like your stereotypical total babe - sleek, stylish, makeup, long-hair and the works.
    2. The corporate lesbian - wears female corporate gab, indistinguishable from the straight variety, makes packets of money, buys champagne with it, used to smoke
    3. The biker lesbian - dresses like Ripley (particular from Aliens 4), sure wears leather, but in a kick-yo-ass vampress kind of way
    4. The mum lesbian - looks like someone's mum, but happens to be a lesbian

    Here's a thought - maybe there a bunch of women out there who you haven't noticed were lesbian because weren't dressed as you expected them to be...?
     
  10. Sexy B

    Sexy B New Member

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    Can a lesbian physically handle sex with a man?
    Yes, of course
    Would she want to?
    No, why should she when she can sleep with a girl?

    -Lesbians are absolutely NOT men trapped in womens bodies.
    The only reason you think that is because you have a certain physical attribute that you reserve for lesbians, so you don't notice when you encounter a lesbian such as myself, who dresses, walks, talks, and carries herself like a female.

    I'm sorry, but that is just the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. I'm not sure of your sexuality, but if you're straight, would you give a gay guy who is trying to pursue you the time of day?

    Don't confuse lesbians with bisexuals.

    No, it's not. Please rid yourself of the notion that we can be changed. We cannot.at.all.ever.
     
  11. Casey

    Casey New Member

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    I'm a lesbian and I have never felt the need to sleep with a guy. I don’t hate men I’m just not attracted to them. I could point out when I seen a nice looking guy but I could also point out when I seen a nice pair of shoes and in the same respect neither does anything for me sexually. In answer to the original question, no I couldn't handle sex with a guy simply because it wouldn't make sense to me to waste my own time or that of another person doing something that quite frankly I wouldn't get anything out of doing. Although I do agree that some women may have varying reasons for being gay and/or bisexual there are others like myself who are just genuinely only sexually attracted to other women. There is no sinister underlying reason such as bad experiences in my childhood of a deep-rooted hatred for men!

    Would I turn down an attractive guy who asked me out? Yes and I have done many a time because I’m not interested because I am gay and not bisexual. In fact I’ve been asked out more by guys than women. I wonder if some of this confusion comes in because some people can’t see it is actually possible to be happy and satisfied in a same sex relationship. Its naïve to be sticking to stereotypes in today’s society but at the same time I make allowances for these because I have noticed that tv portrayal of lesbians in soaps are gravely misleading and pander to storylines featuring ‘gay’ women only until said characters find ‘the right guy.’ So to some degree I can understand the confusion and see it as noble of you to ask about it instead of drawing assumptions. :)


    xx
     
  12. Casey

    Casey New Member

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    Oh yeah almost forgot. I'm not a man trapped in a womans body. I enjoy being a woman and like having heavy furniture lifted for me by male friends! I found your comment amusing as i can't even change a plug never mind anything else! I dont dress like a guy or identify as a guy and i'm rubbish at giving directions and reading maps. I do know lesbians who are butch but i think these things come down to societys perseption of how women and men must look and act more than anything else. :)
     
  13. sexynzgirl

    sexynzgirl New Member

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    If a lesbian has sex with a man doesn't that mean she's bisexual? I love men that are manly and woman who look feminine with long hair, dresses and makeup
     
  14. purplefaery25

    purplefaery25 New Member

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    I agree with you sexy....what most men dont realize is that women were made to be able to physically be able to handle sex with a man....some choose not to due to what ever they feel is right for them....i am bi so i get the best of both worlds in my book, women and men, lesbians get the best of their world with women and the say with gay men, we all have to do whats right for us and not follow stereotypes of what a lesbian a bi and a gay should look like....i am very feminine and a lesbian friend of mine said she never knew i was bi due to how i looked so if that helps some one great if not its more of my useless ramblings..lol all in all dont judge a book by its cover whether its feminine or masculine....read it first then judge :lol
     
  15. touchzing

    touchzing New Member

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    Why would a lesbain want to be with a man? However. I have had sex with my share of bisexual women and found them generally delightful.