Id Rather Sit In someone elses lap then Depression's

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Kahurin, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    :nerv So im sad. I joined this forum to find help for my relationship and have yet to ask my questions.

    I guess this finally made me ask:

    Over the year my bf and i have been kinda fighting over the fact of our sex like being horrible. Well i think it sucks we have sex like 1once a month....

    Ive asked him the many questions:

    Am i unattractive to you? (ive gained weight since the three years we have been together like 30ish pounds)

    Is there something wrong with you? physically?

    Hes a 21 year old guy that was never sexually abused he didnt so much as walk in on his parents having sex either. there is nothing that could be wrong with him that could have been from a tramatic experience. His mom was always open to him about sex and they used to talk alot. she was alway there for him and made sure he had his information.

    He used to smoke pot and i know that gets your sex drive down alot but hes stoped now

    When i ask him why he doesnt want sex its...Im tired, its to early/late, someones here, or hes busy doing something else. He doesnt seem interested at all.

    He says maybe hes bored with sex tired of the whole in and out thing weve watched porn together. played with a vibrator and so on. I know hes not gay hes went through that stuff before when he was younger and didnt like it at all.

    I feel hes not being completely honest with me when it comes to being attracted to me. I feel overweight or too dirty for him. I cant even feel like i can seduce him to do anything. I feel like he expects me to be some little virgin princess that is all ahh im only doing this for you and i dont enjoy it.

    He says i get mad if i dont have an orgasm and i told him i dont get mad i get sad. He called me imature for feeling that way.

    I believe he stresses to give me an orgasm and thats why he doesnt like sex that much either. Hes just so damn sensitive.

    It stresses me more knowing i have no sex life with the guy i love and want to marry soon. I think am i really suppose to be with him and know for a damn fact that its suppose to be forever but my sex life is just dead.

    I mean what 21 year old doesnt want to have sex with his girlfriend.
    Most guys are drunk and having sex LOL!

    Sure i had my problems before i didnt shower then much i was pretty much annoyed with showering daily...i do it every other day and he finds that unclean but i blame that on mikky ds where i work.(smelling like mikky ds never stops) I plan on quiting there soooooooooon but i need another job. Yeah i can get upset with not having an orgasm but its not like he cant keep going ...hes the kinda of guy that can be a real sex machine if he put his mind to it...meaning he can have it up after even having his own orgasm

    I just dont know what to do. we just got in a huge fight this morning over it i was stressed went to the bath room and started crying then i left with my dog to go swinging at the park I havent done that in a long as time haha!

    I have to admit that he has been on concerta for Adhd and maybe that could affect him but its not like we can afford to get him back on that medication hes probably going to have to go back on it when he gets in the coastguard. but hes not that bad with add stuff you wouldnt think he has it at all. but he thinks clearly with him kinda he actually cleans! haha but would that affect his sex drive? i wouldnt know...concerta makes him sick though and he doesnt eat

    Im sooo sad and depressed here i am this girl looking for her boyfriend to have sex but he wont i feel like im some fat girl ands so dirty and flithy for wanting sex IM SOO STRESSED and you know masterbating doesnt releive this Im tempted to get on the shot to bring my labido down haha!
     
  2. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    ((When i ask him why he doesnt want sex its...Im tired, its to early/late, someones here, or hes busy doing something else. He doesnt seem interested at all.))

    I dont wish to say what thought that provoked....

    ((He says i get mad if i dont have an orgasm and i told him i dont get mad i get sad. He called me imature for feeling that way.))

    That can put pressure on a guy, thinking that every time he makes love to you he has to make you orgasm or you feel its sad of him not to be able to pressure can put a guy off sex, or at least put them off sex wit hthe person pilling on the pressure ( although you may not be meaning to)

    ((It stresses me more knowing i have no sex life with the guy i love and want to marry soon. I think am i really suppose to be with him and know for a damn fact that its suppose to be forever but my sex life is just dead.))

    At your age are you sure this is meant to be for ever ( 60+ years down the line you can invisage being with this guy? )


    ((Yeah i can get upset with not having an orgasm but its not like he cant keep going ...hes the kinda of guy that can be a real sex machine if he put his mind to it...meaning he can have it up after even having his own orgasm))

    Just because a guy can, doesnt mean he can do multies all the time, he is human after all not a sex machine...i know females believe for a guys its easy just get blood down and bang ....but there are a lot more factors to an erection than most people would believe..
    ( emotionaly he may feel drained and feel very pressured to peform like a sex god each and every time.

    ( none of this is meant offensivly ...but it sems both sides need to forget about sex for the moment and concentrate on bringing the love back in...go out have fun enjoy each others comapny leant to feel for each other again and im sure the rest will fit into place......
     
  3. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Kahurin
    Does He ever consider You when having that monthly sex,
    You did say monthly, If not I would run now.
    You say you are planning to get married soon, Yet you are living
    together now and He doesn't care to have sex with you,,,,WOW
    at age 21 He should be begging for sex. You bring up the fact
    that you have gained 30 lbs since you have been living together
    Did He like sex when you first started living together, If not
    then why are you still living together.
    You can do something about the weight if the answer is yes.
    You also say you take a shower every other day, That should be corrected
    regardless of whether it is part of the problem or not.

    Just to sum it up. Run now, Definitely don't walk down that aisle
    because it will only get worse. And everyone deserves to be loved.

    Hiker
     
  4. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    If only life was black and white only ...

    There could be reasons why, i know your solution is drop and run....but some people are willing to fight for who they love and try to get them help.....


    There are ahades of grey in this world. ( honest :p hehe )
     
  5. Clark

    Clark Member

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    Point # 1:
    Your guy must recognize that there is a problem in your relationship in an area that is important to you and he mus recognize the need to work on that area.

    This is important.

    Not because of sex, but.... Later in life... if you have a problem with money, or with health, or with careers or with children.... etc...

    .. at those times, again, he must recognize that there is a problem in your relationship in an area that is important to you and he mus recognize the need to work on that area.

    You should not marry him if his is not mature enough to make this recognition for important things in your relationship.

    Point #2:
    Now, regarding your sex problems... You should definitely shower every day, especially if you work at someplace like McDonald's! Shaving your legs every day (or every other day) also removes one of the barriers to your active sex life.

    Get in better physical condition. Not just to please him, but to improve your own self confidence. Being in good physical condition also gives you lots of energy and enthusiasm.

    Point #3
    Stop blaming. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame him. Just think of it as a problem that the two of you have in your relationship, and that you both need to work on the problem.

    Point #4
    Communicate with him. At a time when you're not being intimate, tell him things that you don't want him to do, and tell him things that you do want him to do. Then ask if there are things that he wants you to do/not do. Do this in a way that is constructive and helpful, not criticizing and accusing. Tell him that you don't want him to place such importance on you having orgasm every time, and tell him things that you do want him to do. Present yourself in a calm, mature, positive way, and present yourself in a way that will be open to hearing what he has to say. Listen to what he has to say and give importance to his comments.
     
  6. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    At your age are you sure this is meant to be for ever ( 60+ years down the line you can invisage being with this guy? )
    Yes i know im 19 but in my heart i believe that this is whats suppose to be I may not know whats going to happen at 60 LOL but right now i believe this is something that well never end least for the time being ive never had a doubt in my mind that we werent ment to be Ive been told many times that our relationship is right and usually very rare to have

    About the staying up yeha he gets senstive but not so much so

    whats a girl to do about getting a guy in the mood i used to be able to be all seductive and he jsut doesnt seem to act to that i feel like id be all gross and stuff to him

    We have so much love in our lives its just hardly anything physical like i wished it would be. Hes not the romantic type well hes not into going out and getting a girl flowers all the time he does special things when its the holidays and he feels obligated too

    we are loving and we always kiss each other when we get home and stuff I make him food(always thought the way to a mans heart was his stomach haha!) I try to wear make up when i can

    I talked to him today and hes like why cant you wait until our lives move forward and i get in the coastguard and so on

    sorry i got preoccupied and forgot what iw as going to say...

    Im just sick of having no sex like yeah i understand that bringing a girl to orgasm and not doing so can be stressful and cause a damper its just grr i dont know what is wrong exactly
     
  7. Hot Wheels

    Gold Member

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    Have you considered moving in with aksuperpunk?
    Sounds like your both looking for a way out......
     
  8. SexyScorp

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    Do not say "I do"

    Until at least you get this sorted out

    Marriage can be boring enough, without marrying
    someone you are not sexually compatible with....

    Maybe have a break from each other and see how
    ye feel?
     
  9. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    sorry guys i posted before i saw the rest of your posts Thankyou for the reply and believe me i have been trying to take better care of my self its just hard and annoying when your doing it for no reason lol well not to be a sexy woman for your man if hes not even interested. I do shave my legs! lol i never EVER get runchy..lol crunchy!I even try to take a bath to sooth myself

    Maybe ive gone on a small depression in my life feeling unwanted and not wanting to shower and clean myself. Ive noticed i need to get out there and thank you guys for pointing it out a little more to me.

    and it seems sex should be an important part of a relationship i know i wont be walking down any isle anytime soon not with problems in my sex like...god i would hate to see what my honey moon would be like gawd! lol

    Well i wrote him a note while at work on my break(im a girl its what i do best) i wrote some things about how i wish our sex life was more i wrote how its so wonderful to please him and that it gives me so much pleasure in doing so In which it does. I hope that well make something spark

    Im hoping alot well change and he well get out of his funk about not wanting sex. He says maybe its because i need concerta or maybe im stressed and so on.

    So heres a question:

    Are any of you guys on concerta and does not taking it affect your sex life?

    Im trying my hardest not to play the blame game and im trying to say hey i know i need to take better care of my self and i tell him hey im hurting what are you going to do about it. I believe this well change for the better its just going to take time and learning and a new job!

    Just a whole make over...

    some more replys please :D lol and i love how its all guys talking first now for the girls opinions?
     
  10. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    LOL! actually ive had an episode with living with her before...it didnt exactly work out...plus i wouldnt leave him for the world i love him so much.. this isnt something that i would break up with him over its just stressful and im looking for advice haha! but hes joinging the coast guard soon its going to change alot of our lives together Im probably going to be around aksuper alot more :D she needs the help raising a baby so durning his training time well see what happens i hope it changes alot of things:eek:
     
  11. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Sorry i wasnt of much help lol...
    But good luck...

    There is a reason that you should take better care of yourself, for the same reasons i do and many others do.....for yourself. :)