[Ask a Guy] I want to know if this sounds cruel to the guys.

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by CuriousOne, Nov 16, 2008.

  1. CuriousOne

    CuriousOne New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2008
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I will tell you the story and I was wondering what the guys were thinking on this one. Now I am a little mad about the situation, so I will try to be nice. I wake up and get on top of my guy who I love very much. I stay on top for a few minutes and then get off (might I add we both have clothes on). I give him a little hand but stop. I'm being left out of the equation. I put my hand at his side and he tries to grab my arm for me to continue. I'm new so I am hoping I'm wording this correctly. I snatch my hand back and immediately say "isn't this suppose to be equal?". I've been with my guy a while now. He immediately gets up and goes outside saying "your a piece of work!" and I reply "well it's not all about you." he replies back "well if that were the case I deserve 500 Blow jobs!".

    Now I have been with my guy almost 5 years. We are engaged to be married within lets say... a couple of years when we find ourselves settled in after schooling and we both have good jobs. Maybe I am an odd one, but do guys not consider with women such as myself that we don't get to climax with just sex? I don't know what else to say, it was rude and inconsiderate. I'm pretty pissed and to say the least he isn't getting any tonight. Like I said maybe I am one in a million but I need more than just sex to get things going. I normally don't climax at all with a little foreplay and sex either. So what do you guys think... do you think in general you don't really care if she gets there and you do? Where is the imbalance of things?
     
  2. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Well, I'm not really understanding what you're saying in the first part of your post-could you clarify the story? Essentially, I feel like your problem is that he's wanting to climax and you're not getting any action...Have you talked to him about it before you were both angry?
     
  3. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    If I understand you correctly, you don't have an orgasm with him but he expects to always be "taken care of". Definetly too one-sided. Most women can't orgasm unless they have clit stimulation. Sounds like you are one. Seems to me he needs some education.
     
  4. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    997
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    San Francisco
    I am sorry but you are right on this one. Lots of us girls need more. heck i dont even need any kind of penetration to make me happy sometimes.all you need is a little imagination and touch.
     
  5. qweepster

    qweepster New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2008
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    san francisco
    Well if what you're saying is that you think he is being selfish in him thinking he should just kick back while you please him all the time, then yes he is being selfish. Why don't you ask him how do you expect me yourself to have sex with him when it doesn't feel all that great to you? He probably is not very educated about the female body. You probably need to communicate to him in a non insulting manner that your body needs some attention too. I forgot who said this, but you need to preheat the oven before you bake the turkey!!!:D:D

    Also, you guys want to marry each other in the future. You guys need to communicate with each other in a more mature manner.
     
  6. Trixi

    Trixi New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2008
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    Does he watch much porn? Lots of porn watching and not much experience might give a guy the impression that all girls "get off" by just pleasing their man and acting as a receptacle. It sounds like he really needs an education. It sounds like you both need to learn to communicate as there seems to be some selfishness going on. No relationship or marriage can endure for long if that's the case.
     
  7. NyguY

    NyguY New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2007
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NY
    Well this sounds weird to me I guess cause im worried when with a girl if shes being please than I am about my self. I wont cum until I have atleast made the girl im with cum more than once.
     
  8. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2008
    Messages:
    134
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    york - england
    ok im gonna try and look at this from both points of view.

    Do i think he wasselfish in not giving you any... yes i do.

    However i also know how frustrating it can be as a bloke when you think you are gonna get something and then its taken away and your told you only get if...

    In that occasion do i think he is right to feel slighted... yes, maybe. The question is if ou had given him what you were offering (teasing) him with would have seen to you afterwards, if the answer is no then you are in the right and he is being a twat, if the answer is yes then you are in the wrong. (imho)
     
  9. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    You come on over here, baba....I'll help you get yours a bunch o' times and won't ask fur nuttin!

    Ahem...I mean....um...yes, seems like an over-reaction on his part to me. We should take turns pleasing each other I think, if it doesn't happen automatically for both of us. It sounds like you aren't having orgasm's and he may not realize it. Talk, talk, and talk some more. If he's a "real man", he'll want to learn how to please you, and he'll want it to be good for you too. Sounds like he needs some education and his ego de-elevated a bit.

    BD
     
  10. Boblinho

    Boblinho New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2008
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think you should discuss it with him, to be honest. It can be a bit cruel, but if he's not getting the message, then it's the only way.
    Personally, I try not to be selfish. I normally wouldn't start trying to get off without making sure my partner is first.
     
  11. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,108
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    I can see how, if you woke him up by getting him turned on, it would seem very much like you intended the moment to be about pleasing him. That situation could be very confusing. On the other hand, I agree, I am a woman who takes more than penetration to really get there. We have to admit, though, that a man does have to work a little harder to please a woman, than a woman does to please a man, so equality is sort of.....not realistic.


    ****See? I've been gone awhile. You (the OP) wanted this answered by the guys. Sorry.
     
    #11 melicious, Nov 17, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2008
  12. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    Welcome back, Mel!!!!! *hugs*
     
  13. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2008
    Messages:
    134
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    york - england
    These posts pretty much said what i was trying to say in a much more kindly manner than i am capable of.
     
  14. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    Is this a recurring situation? I mean, you said you've been together for 5+ years, so I figure you've had some ups & downs (sexually and otherwise) in the course of that time. So, is this a continuous bone of contention between the two of you? Has it become a problem of late? Was it a one time occurrence?

    It seems that the whole scenario seemed to be that you woke up with 'pleasuring him' on your mind.... He's probably thinking, "whoa! - this is GREAT!...", and laid back to enjoy it. So - he was possibly a bit perplexed with the abrupt change of mind (hence, his sharp retort). :shrug Forgive me - just being the devil's advocate here. ;)
     
  15. Joe

    Joe
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,681
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    Too confusing, too many variables left unanswered. It appears that nobody's completely innocent in this. You need to communicate with your BF... better than you've communicated here. That's about all I know for sure at this point.

    Why does he "deserve 500 Blow jobs"?
    Is it always equal with you two? Does he ever spend more time pleasing you than you him?
    Is it customary for you to withhold sex as punishment?
    Does HE withhold sex as punishment to you?
    Do you really think punishment is a good idea?

    It is important to me that my wife climaxes. She doesn't always, and I don't always. I'd guess she does more often than me, but we don't keep score.
     
  16. lol106

    lol106 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    In my opinion, your boyfriend needs to l2clit - After i have sex with my girl, if she hasn't come i go down on her, get next to her give her a good rub - Ultimately this leads to round 1/2/3 so on and so forth, so maybe he should get into his mind that it'll be a good thing to get you off >.>
     
  17. Beunique

    Beunique New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2008
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Australia
    No, I agree with you.. it does seem very one-sided. I didn't know there were many men that still didn't know about the magical button (clit..) anymore, so I suppose I count myself blessed that my BF considers everything.. like the others said, It'd probably just be better to talk to him about it and explain, because he seemed rather confused as to what he was 'doing wrong'?(either that or he was just in a cranky mood aswell). Goodluck!
     
  18. wrathofjade

    wrathofjade New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2008
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Kentucky
    I don't think it's wrong for you to want equal pleasure but in this situation I think you ARE in the wrong. You don't wake him up with the prospect of giving him pleasure then stop right in the middle so that you can get off. You should have finished him then waited your turn.
     
  19. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    My thoughts exactly. To me it sounds like you were purposely trying to provoke an argument. Of so, you succeeded.

    You are entitled to your own pleasure. But if you're not getting it then you need to communicate that in a non-confrontational manner. Fighting about it isn't going to resolve the problem, it's only going to lead to even more tension in bed. :(