I want my girlfriend to swallow. Help!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Deputy Dawg, Oct 4, 2006.

  1. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg New Member

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    My girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. Our sex live is suffering b/c she isn't really meeting my "needs" in the bedroom. She is the only girl that I've been with that downright refuses to swallow. I really miss the days of oral sex (swallowing included) abd I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to approach this in a tactical way.

    Secondly, she is pretty infrequent in grooming her pussy. The closest trim wouldnt pass with a bathing suit. I would like a landing strip but i'm not sure how to approach this is a tactical way that wouldnt crush her feelings. I've already introduced the idea of shaving together and it received no response.

    Help! I want my great (previous) sex life back....but with this great lady!
     
  2. Bluesy

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    Hon, since you're on the youthful side, I'll forgive your incredible naivete. However, you are old enough to begin dealing with relationships like an adult, and having an adult relationship entails thoughtfulness, realistic expectations, and sacrifice. Thoughtfulness: If you care about her, you'll respect her boundaries. That means that if she doesn't want to do it, you stop pressuring her to do it. Realistic expectations: No one ever gets everything they want in a relationship, and that includes sexual activities. Grown-ups don't expect their every desire to be fulfilled by their partner. That's what fantasy is for. Sacrifice: If you care about someone, you're willing to give up some of the things you want in order to make the relationship work.

    So you have to ask yourself: How important is it? If it means the world to you that a woman swallows your cum, and she isn't up for it, the only choice you have is to find someone who will swallow for you. If it's vital that a woman have a shaven pussy that fits your criteria for pussy aesthetics, then your only option is to find someone whose pussy is satisfactory to you. All you can do is ask, the rest is up to her.

    I find your use of "tactical" amusingly ironic, btw.
     
  3. MysticKev

    MysticKev New Member

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    The swallowing thing, dude, although a nice finish any guy I'm sure likes,is not the main focus of foreplay or oral...Try talking to her if its that important to you, but know that she is allowed to have boundries, so are you...

    That said, you want her to shave? SO maybe ask again, and if she says no maybe ask why...You could also ask to shave her, in a sensual way, couples bath, shower, etc...That actually worked for me and she found she likes it better that way...Other wise, same as her swallowing I'd say don't do it if you're that against it...

    SOunds like the two of you seem t miss each others ssexual and sensual desires...so maybe its time you two talked about it....Do something romantic for her, give her a massage, stick your neck out and ask her what you want to know...needs, desires, fantasies, etc...Offer her yours-well ok maybe not thew one about having an orgy with her and two otehr women.....but I digress...Communication is the key to a happy healthy sex life and relationship...And like me you're a guy you need to be reminded:

    Most owmen enjoy sensuality as much as we enjoy sexuality...If you don't underestand that get a dictionary look em up there is a difference.

    <climbing off the soapbox>

    ~Best of luck to the two of you....
     
  4. Bluesy

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    Here's another rule for being a grown-up: Don't ask anyone to do anything you aren't willing to do yourself. If you think she should swallow, it's only fair that you have first-hand experience of what it is you're asking her to do. Put it in a dixie cup and knock it back, babe. Now that's fair. Better yet, a squirt gun.
     
  5. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    My wife is one who flat out refuses to swallow and I have known allot of women who prefer not to due to the risks involved. To swallow is a very personal choice and would not to try to sway someone if they refused. If this is the thing that keeps you in the relationship with someone then maybe you should consider ending it with her. Plus I do not see what trimming pussy hair has to do with anything as grooming that area is also a personal choice. From the sounds of it you have may have some control issues and sincerely believe you are looking for a reason to end it.
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Like mentioned earlier, if it is still extremely important to you - important enough to question your happiness with this girl - then you may think of moving on. Because, I don't really know how to talk a woman into swallowing, if she doesn't want to.

    Technically, she is not denying you a sexual act, per se. Obviously. She just gave you a BJ and brought you to full O. The orgasm is finished, the mouth is not even touching the cock anymore, so there is no physical sensation. I don't understand the preoccupation with it going into her tummy.

    It seems to me that the swallowing part of a blow job is more of a visual 'cherry on the top'.
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    I don't understand what the big deal is about swallowing. If a woman gives me the pleasure of sucking me off, the last thing I'm concerned about is whether she spits or swallows.

    As for the grooming, you say you've suggested shaving together; how about you just grooming her? But keep in mind that she might have good reasons for not shaving more. Ingrown hairs are not fun, and unless she (or you) shave every other day or so, the stubble can be uncomfortable.

    And here's a novel idea: How about accepting who she is and appreciate her for it? A partner is not someone to mold into your dream Barbie.
     
  8. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    Well put Joe!
     
  9. John Keel

    John Keel New Member

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    I hope you have some idea of the long-term consequences of a short-term solution.

    The fact that your girlfriend does not groom her pubic hair and will not swallow is not the problem. I would venture to suggest that the problem starts with the fact that you think her sex life is suffering along with yours because she does neither of those things. I would further suggest that the problem has more to do with your attitude to sex than hers.
     
    #9 John Keel, Oct 5, 2006
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2006
  10. Dvusdouglas

    Dvusdouglas New Member

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    Ok....One thing to remember......There is NO risk of swallowing semen, The RISK is oral sex itself. STD's can just as easily be transmitted orally, without a guy finishing. Alot of STD's are passed on skin to skin contact with an infected person.

    A person who thinks they are playing it safe..."well I don't swallow, so I am Safe..." is truely playing with a loaded gun so to speak.

    Anytime you play, there are risks.......
     
  11. naughtywife

    naughtywife New Member

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    lmao.. loved the squirt gun idea ;)
     
  12. FormerFreak

    FormerFreak New Member

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    Yeah--the squirt gun suggest is a knee-slapper!:lol
     
  13. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    Talk to her on why the no swallow policy. Chances are it's 1-the taste or 2-she gags on the volume or shot down her throat.

    2 possible fixes that could help. Jerk off a few hours prior to sex and your volume will be much smaller so taste/amount won't be bad. She's probably had a bad experience where a guy shoot his load down her throat and gaged her. When you cum give her a wanring and tell her to turn her head so you shoot into her cheek not down her throat. Less volume and the cheek thing has made it happen for me with a couple women who didn't like to swallow. All thought experience was much better this way :)
     
  14. cbrmale

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    Recent research in the UK indicates that once in a relationship, female sex drive usually starts to reduce after two years, in line with a naturally occurring reduction in testosterone. There are a number of theories put for this, but interestingly when a woman is involved with a man who she feels is her intellectual superior, her sex drive tends to remain at the same (high) level for the duration of the relationship.

    So whenever I see 'help me this is happening and we've been together for a while' I think of this research.

    Of course, a reduction in sex drive doesn't have to mean less sex, or unsatisfying sex, as long as there is communication about needs and wants and desires in a calm fashion outside of the bedroom and an agreement between both of you to keep sex fresh and satisfying. Certainly how much you loved the way it used to be, and how it would be nice. As far as grooming goes, I know I do better oral on a trimmed or shaved pussy than an overgown one where all that hair muffles the sensations for my partner.
     
  15. FormerFreak

    FormerFreak New Member

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    Wow, Canberra! That's a really interesting tid-bit of information! It makes so much sense to me when I look back at past relationships (course, I've not had any relationships of consequence since 2 years has been the limit on all). Past and present, really--because unlike my previous relationships, I'm just as desirous for my brainy beau of 2 years as I was at the beginning!
     
  16. cbrmale

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    Seeing as you haven't had a relationship longer than two years, you can't comment on your experience. In addition, research and trends are generalites, not specific to any one person. However, in my position as a moderator of a sex industry discussion forum in Australia, I have come across quite a few similar postings from men after a few years of a relationship.

    As far as my personal situation goes, I've been married 20 years, and our sex is more frequent and better than it ever has been. My wife is an intelligent woman, however (rightly or wrongly) she does feel me to be 'smarter' than her. Maybe the research is not so far off the mark after all.

    The most important thing, even after 20 years, is to talk about sexual wants and desires before getting naked together. Communication is the one thing that keeps relationships alive.

     
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    There is a thread in "General Sex News" about dwindling sex drive among women. It makes for some interesting reading, and from the responses, it seems to be on the money. I know my sex drive was nil for a long period of time in my marriage (of 29 years).

    But, I'm not sure of the severity of the original poster's problem. The main complaints were that she didn't swallow after a BJ and she's quite hairy. I imagine there have been some readers who think to themselves "Hell - if I could just get a glimpse of my wife's pussy"....or "Hell - if I could just recieve a BJ, I'd be happy!"
     
  18. SexPassion

    SexPassion New Member

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    In a relationship there is no true "my needs" there is "our needs" which is based on compromise. You can not force someone to do something they don't want to, whether through gilt tripping them or other, and if you do then you're lower then dirt to start with.

    For your oral sex issue, I'd suggest openly discussing it with her, ask her why she doesn't want to swallow. For me, my wife doesn't like the taste. Just ask "Out of curiosity I'm wondering why you don't like to swallow when you give me oral sex?". It's a fair question, but you have to respect her response. Not everyone swallows, and not every relationship is going to give you everything "you" want, a relationship is based on compromises.

    As for grooming her pussy. Same thing, ask her, some women feel that only porn stars shave their pussies and thus they won't have anything to do with it.

    It all comes down to just sitting down and discussing the issues, but you have to keep in mind that you might not like what you hear and you'll have to make the decision whether you're capable of keeping a healthy relationship if she can't give you want you "need".
     
  19. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    To me it sounds sneeky!

    But all of Bluesy's advice is good.
    Nothing can really be forced upon someone! Ease into it. But sometimes being upfront is nessecary. It depends on the events and feelings that each of you are experiencing.
     
  20. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I've been avoiding this one..... from the looks of it so has "Dawg".... as he hasn't responded since the beginning.

    I've decided, in my most sarcatic frame of mind, that I am going to open a beauty salon that advertizes as such:

    The only way to find a great sex life is to look for the landing strip!!

    Brazilian Bikini Wax: 30 minutes and $25-30
    Darvocet to kill the pain: Priceless

    That being the only way my lover thinks he has a chick who can contribute to his great sex life: BULLSHIT.

    That being said, I just got back from the salon myself, where I spent $110 and two and a half hours. I did my eyebrows. I did my sphinx. I got highlights (in the hair on my damn head), and I got a haircut. My nails are pretty, and my toes are pretty. The things is, I did all that AFTER the men in my life told me I am a decent fuck, not IN ORDER to get them to say that. Maybe now that I have a landing strip (actually, mine is a little tufty patch) I'll be STELLAR at sex.