I want more sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by cook74, Jul 23, 2007.

  1. cook74

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    My partner and I have been in a serious relationship for over two years, living together, and plan to get married at the end of next Febuary.

    When we werent living together we made love 4 - 6 times a week but since we moved in together that number has dropped to about 3 - 4 times a month.

    I have a pretty high sex drive and need to make love more often but she says that I pester her too much and I should just leave her alone.

    Is there something I can do to boost her libido ( the romance is always there as we are a very loving couple )?

    Or should I just leave it to her to dictate the where and when?:(:(
     
  2. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Do you ask her a lot for more sex, is this perhaps why she is asking you to leave her alone on it......sometimes females do go through drops in sex drive....
     
  3. cook74

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    Maybe 3-4 times a week and I bite my tongue most of the time, this drop in sex drive is about 18 months old. I used to think that it might be my nagging but when Ive left her alone it still hasnt improved the situation.
     
  4. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    It does seem like you may have to have a heart to heart see what may be troubling her.

    dont bring up the lack of sex, but try to be her friend and see what is troubling her..
    cause it does sem if its been 18months then something somewehre is very wrong
     
  5. cook74

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    We love each other very much and often have d&ms about our relationship, she says that she just doesnt feel like having sex often, but doesnt know why.

    The situation isnt dire as we do make love roughly once a week ( just yesterday she pulled me off the computer to take me into the bedroom ), its just that i would like to do it more and it seems liken its on the decline.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    I can't help you get more sex, all I can say is, don't even think about getting married to this woman until you can get this issue resolved to both your satisfactions.
     
  7. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Maybe some kind of relat help for her may be of some use....i cant be of much help really i can say my thoughts , but being as i dont get any sex at all .....
     
  8. cook74

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    Hi CL, that certainly has crossed my mind but after 10 years of knowing her I see her as my better half already. Maybe I should just channel my energies elsewhere.
     
  9. cook74

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    Yes Kronnie that would be good, I have purchased books like " Urge " By Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, but I dont know if I have the courage to say we could visit a professional.
     
  10. Green Eyes

    Green Eyes New Member

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    Yes, definately talk about this issue and get it resolved before you get married.
    You don't want it to come back and bite you in the arse later on.
     
  11. cook74

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    Thanks Green Eyes, Im trying:)
     
  12. MrFusion

    MrFusion New Member

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    Does your relationship seem healthy in most other aspects?

    If so, this a natural progression in a relationship. I know when I didn't live with my GF pretty much every time we saw each other we were all over each other, even though we saw each other every day. Later on that year we got our own apartment, which was pretty cool and we started to have sex less often but still enough.

    Now it's about two years later. We now have our own condo and we're planning on getting married. We probably do it between 2-4 times a week on average. Some weeks it's down to once or twice as we both keep busy schedules and we just get tired. Recently it was 6 times a week (Oh yeah!).

    The point is that as the newness of your relationship starts to wear off, sex sometimes becomes routine. (Ever hear of "duty sex" or "maintenance sex?") There's nothing wrong with routine sex, in fact it probably makes up most of the meat and potatoes of your sexual relationship. You do it, it keeps you healthy, you and your partner are satisfied - rinse, lather, repeat.

    However, as with routine it gets borring and predictible. I think Chris Rock said it best - "If it ain't new, it's through." You gotta add some flair to your meat and potatoes every once in a while or otherwise you just don't desire it, you eat what you need to survive and leave the rest on the table. In other words, put something interesting on the table.

    For example buy some lingere for her. Stockings, something for the body, etc.. Make her FEEL sexy and she will want to be sexy..

    Maybe explore secret fetish or desire.. Maybe it's leather, whips, chains, feet, etc..

    Throw out your normal positions and do something more exciting for a night.

    What will normally always work unless there's something drasticly wrong in the relationship is setting the tone for the whole evening - do the whole romantic dinner thing. You want a sure fire way to make your woman hot for you? It's not through physical touch, it's through a clean house :) Take the afternoon off of work and clean the house, then start preparing a nice dinner. When she gets home to a clean house, a glass of wine, dinner in the works, and maybe an after dinner bath and/or massage, there's no way you aren't in for some of the best sex you and your woman will ever have.


    One other thing that works is to lay off for a week. Yeah, a week. By the end of that week you two will be all over each other to the point that it hurts. (It happened recently to us with our conflicting schedules.)

    You gotta keep it new and interesting. The more sex you have, the more sex you will want.
     
  13. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Excellent answer
    And your first post also.
    Keep it up we need good thotful posters.

    Hiker
     
  14. cbrmale

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    Some excellent sex ideas from MrFusion, but one thing that hasn't been mentioned by anyone is ROMANCE! I love you, tell her this at least once a day. Hold her and hug her and make her feel the most loved woman in the world. Buy her a present, a bunch of flowers for example. We take living together or marriage for granted sometimes, but really there isn't any reason for romance to stop.

    On the other side, you can't expect sex 6 times a week forever, but it is up to you to decide whether once a week is satisfactory. We do have men on this forum where sex has declined to sometimes a couple of times a year (or less), and they often ask for help.

    There is more to a relationship than sex, but severly mismatched sex drives can be a relationship-breaker over the longer term. If not divorce, then hurt and resentment and anger.

    Now have an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and see where that takes you. If it takes you nowhere, consider your options.
     
  15. Father Bob

    Father Bob New Member

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    think about this for a while..

    if you've known her that long, then there's no reason you can't have a heart to heart talk about the disparity in sex.

    i will tell you from the voice of experience....and two marriages, don't get married until you get this problem worked out...and i do mean this is a problem. don't try and fool yourself into thinking you can focus on other things, because you won't be able to sustain that for long.

    you need to honestly set down and talk about the problem with her, and reach an understanding. then give it at least six months to see if the problem is indeed fixed, or if it's a temporary thing.

    this sexual incompatibility usually doesn't go away. i seriously doubt you can fix it to be honest with you. it's something that will always be the 800 lb gorilla in the room. it usually just spawns resentment over time.

    i'd give her a chance....but not waste years of my life until i was sure about her coming around. once people get comfortable in a relationship, their true colors shine through. you're probably seeing what you'll live with forever.
     
  16. cook74

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    Yes it was thanks.:tup Fusion
     
  17. patton

    patton New Member

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    i agree with cowboy lover as i dis the same
     
  18. harvey123

    harvey123 New Member

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    I think the big message here comes down to a few bullet points:

    -Gotta talk it out. The problem could be emotional, or psychological, or maybe just relationship jitters. Or not really anything at all. But a serious talk about how you feel and what needs you have top the ToDo list. Who knows, maybe y'all need a session or two with a couples' therapist.

    -Spice things up.

    -Make sure to light a candle or two (add a little romance).


    Identify the issue and address it. But don't worry too much over it, that'll just add to the problem. And you're not in a unique situation. My wife and I had a dip about a year and a half into our marriage where it seemed like a month would go by and no sex (my fault actually). In the end we had a long talk where she told me she thought it was because I wasn't attracted to her, and I had to confess that I was not unloading my stress to her (about job, family back home, money money money, etc...) and that it was really wearing me out and draining me of sexual desire. It was a hard talk but we fixed it and now we say what's on our mind and then hump like bunnies. :)

    Good luck to you though.

    harvey