I think...i was raped..

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Sexual Person, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    To be honest that is. I mean I didn't really wanna say that my first time was rape when I mentioned it on here a while back, because it felt disgusting to think of it that way and I never really wanted to admit it. So me and him were in a motel together with no where else to go and it was night. I was far from home at the moment too. So what else could I do? I wasn't even feeling that well that night either. I'm sure he should of been able to tell. Then all of a sudden he asks if I wanted to cuddle and kiss on the bed so I said "Okay" and then he asked if I wanted to "Do it" after we kissed a bit. For some reason the kiss didn't feel right and it wasn't that stimulating at all. I mean is a kiss really supposed to feel that spongy? Are you really supposed to suck on someones lips so much like he did mine? It felt like a suction cup. How are lips suppose to even feel? I mean he was my first and only kiss up until now. So maybe I was too scared and sick to even be able to enjoy it. Plus afterwards him wanting sex and me never even asking for it. Anyway I kind of agreed nervously most likely when he asked if I wanted to "Do it", but in a way I was kind of afraid that I had to agree So I just did while I was still scared at the same time and probably not really even ready. You know of course it's probably going to hurt the female on her first time so of course I kept having to push him off and scoot away, but he really didn't wanna stop. He just told me to "Come on. Once it's in it'll feel really good." though it didn't even afterwards. The sex wasn't soft and passionate like we agreed to before we did it. It was supposed to be a loving type of sex, but it didn't feel that way at all. Lastly of all though, I'm a bit Autistic with Aspergers Syndrome. So you know how people with Autism are. I couldn't even hardly speak and I was so shy when he was asking for and initiating sex with me. So I'm mostly just nodding and saying "Yes" really quietly and timidly as he took advantage of me.

    So I don't know this is probably rape isn't it? Especially since I have Autism too probably and he knew I did and well he had ADHD.
     
  2. lucky5338

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    From what you describe it sounds very much like rape to me. It is a shame you did not say "no" as it would make it clearer . Sex is something performed by two people who love each other and should give pleasure to both of you. It could be that the man in question had no experience in such matters or was just insensitive to your wishes and needs. I hope you have fully recovered from an unpleasant experience and that the next time will give you more pleasure . xoxoxo :)
     
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  3. CLE32793

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    My question is did you at any point say 'no' or 'stop'? If not I'd have to say no, not rape, just a really really bad first experience. Being a victim of 'date rape' I do feel your pain.
     
  4. treo

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    If you didn't say "No or Stop" then it's not rape. I'm not sure if the guy would have stopped even if you would have. But we'll never know.

    I've never been with a women before that didn't whole heartedly want to be with me. If I was ever in a position where I was with a women and we're were at the point of having sex and she said no or stop. Alarms would go off for me. It would kill the mood immediately.

    I would ask what was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll just put my clothes on and end the encounter asap. Rape is a terrible thing for a women to go through. I had a close friend that was rapped. The situation was about the same you had gone through. She felt obligated to have sex with him. After they had started fooling around at work. They went into the work place bathroom after hours. They started to have sex. After a few minutes of heavy petting. He kept pushing it futher and futher. She told him to stop. He didnt. He came in her and told her he couldn't stop because he was in the moment.

    She never reported it. She told me and another female friend of ours. She felt it was her fault that she let him inside her in the first place. I told her it doesn't matter. When you say stop, that means stop!

    Either way. I hope you can put this behind you and know what to do in the future. I hope this helps.
     
  5. lbushwalker

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    I totally disagree with the idea of rape. You had plenty of opportunity to say no and stop it but for whatever reasons including those you mention did not. No it was reluctant concencial so don't try and make it something else.
    And btw I am a male who is super protective of innocent females on a "rape" situation but you do not qualify in this instances.
    Live with it and move on and no more lane excuses for not exercising your rights.
    Nobody "thinks" they have been raped; either they were or were not!
    Look deeply into your heart and review but don't be a victim of imaginary events.
     
    #5 lbushwalker, Jun 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2016
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  6. afunk13

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    I have been raped and you were not if you did not say no. You have to vocalize otherwise the other person doesn't know what you want. You agreed to sex and you had it.
     
  7. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    I didn't tell him "No" or "Stop", since I was afraid, but he was pretty rough on me. I tried to push him off.

    If it wasn't rape then why am I so much more afraid of penis now?
     
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  8. afunk13

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    Because it hurt. It was a crappy experience but not rape.
     
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  9. MissScarlett

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    I have also been raped & whilst I sympathise with your feelings & it being a less than pleasant experience it was not rape.
    Consent is a really hard thing - I once saw it being perfectly summed up by being liked being asked for a cup of tea - see the short video link



    In this case you were offered a cup of tea & you accepted that offer. You found the tea wasn't what you expected & a bit strong for your taste, but you didn't say I don't like this tea so I don't want any more.

    I know this may sound simplistic but the whole concept of rape or any sexual assault is so emotive. I find this simple analogy very helpful.

    I have every sympathy that you have had a bad experience & one which has put you off sex & left you afraid. I hope in time that you can get over that & find the right person to have a pleasurable experience with.
     
  10. RubyAsh

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    I'm afraid I'll have to agree with those above who said you were not raped. I'm sorry you had such a bad first experience and that the guy was so inconsiderate towards you, but he asked you and you did agree to it and you never said no.

    There are many levels of Asperger Syndrome, but that is not an excuse either. People with Asperger's can live normal lives and often those around them don't even know of it (yes, you did say the guy knew about it). People with Asperger's are sometimes considered eccentric either because they are shy or have difficulty in interacting with others or can show obsessive behaviour patterns, but they are in all other aspects normal, often even above average in intelligence. However, that the guy had ADHD, and if he was not medicated at the time, may account for why he was unable to notice any signs that you were not enjoying it.

    Hope that in time you may be able to forget about it or at least not think of sex as something to be afraid of. Don't let one bad experience put you off sex. Try finding yourself a good person, someone who cares for you and that wants to pleasure you.
     
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  11. JonJo

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    Basically the 'cold answer' to your question is no you were not raped.
    By your own admission "I kinda agreed", in such a situation and particularly where the man is obvious aroused and inexperienced, you either agree or you don't, there is no "kinda", its either "Yes" or "NO!!"
    You also say "like we'd agreed to before we did it", with your apparent agreement, or rather non-refusal, and his obvious inexperience he thought 'this was the time'.
    "Pushing him off and scooting away" (whatever that means) is not a refusal, and by the inexperienced male can be seen as 'play' and be even more arousing.

    Your individual 'conditions' are not an excuse and could actually be a reason, two such people who had very obviously previously discussed having sex being alone in a motel room (why?) is obviously a dangerous situation and with your joint inexperience that danger came to fruition - and you didn't stop it.

    By saying that you weren't raped is not in anyway putting any 'blame' on you for what happened but neither is there any on him.

    I am genuinely sorry for your very bad experience, and whilst it might be of no consolation to you, you are not the first girl to have had a physically, and mentally, painful 'first time'.
    It is not an excuse for your companion/boyfriend but despite how strong the feelings of 'love' are, when a young male is going to have sex for the first time (often) his excitement will overcome any thoughts of consideration, of being 'gentle and loving'.
    Love, passion and lust are very close and intertwined emotions and the latter can very quickly take over completely, and not only with the inexperience; it is virtually always the culmination of sex that starts off in the the most loving of ways.
    Whilst in your inexperience and with such a bad experience you are understandably feeling confusion and even 'guilt' have you discussed what happened with him and the ways he feels about the experience?
    It could be that he is feeling the same way because, although it might surprise you, inexperienced males can feel confusion and guilt after their first time, at how they behaved and how they hurt their 'loved' one.
    If you still want the friendship/relationship to continue and can and do talk about it it could be they answer to your feelings and take whatever you two have between you to new, more understanding and happier heights.
     
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  12. sensless

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    It's difficult to say, because we weren't there. We don't know how bad you've pushed him away. It sounds to me as if he should have known better and stopped, but again, I wasn't there. If you've really pushed him away and tried to "escape" his grip, it is rape in my opinion.

    A woman, or a man have the right to say "yes", then change her/his mind. A fragile person in a difficult situation may not have the clarity of thought and say "no", for fear, or because of being overwhelmed.

    I'm sorry it happened to you.

    Have in mind that perhaps he didn't understand you didn't want this. Only the two of you were there and know how it happened.

    Don't let this define the rest of your life. We learn from mistakes and move on.
     
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  13. lbushwalker

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    This is words of wisdom!
     
  14. CLE32793

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    Unfortunately any sort of trauma can turn us against what we were traumatized for/with. (I was traumatized by nearly drowning at age 7 (at the hands of my father) and 37 years later I still don't like water). I don't find it odd at all that you are afraid of a penis now. What happened to you is truly sad and I wish I could snap my fingers and take it all away, but sadly I can not.

    To quote MissScarlett,
    I do hope that time will give you what you need to heal and repair your mind and body to hopefully one day find a man that will give you the proper experience, in a loving, kind and gentle way. Hugs.
     
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  15. SexyFantasyGirl

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    did you call the police,did you report it in anyway,
    I'm no expert all I know is if someone was doing something against my well,I would have fought for my life,
    call a lawyer,call the police and report it,do something about it other then ask peoples opinions on a sex site,
    if you think a crime was commented
     
  16. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    Well maybe in your opinion that's what you would think, but you don't have to be mean about it...Sheesh.. :(

    Seriously though even if one is afraid to say no or stop that can be rape..
     
  17. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    Well at first I was too foolish and didn't wanna believe that it was rape even though my family members kept saying that it clearly was. So now it's been 2 years and there's probably nothing I can really do about it.
     
  18. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    Everyone just seems so rude here..
     
  19. WC1989

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    It's not being rude. Many of us here have had traumatic sexual encounters. My first time wasn't my choice. Though I sympathize for your conditions, I agree with the others.
     
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  20. ThePyroOkami

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    statute of limitations probably hasnt run out yet, but rape cases are hardly ever convicted or even brought to trial. My best advise is murder, but that's still illegal....if you get caught mueheheh.
    As for johnjo. If my dog can understand when i push him away from something that he likes then men can grasp the simple concept of being pushed away. What you sound like right now is a victim blaming little bitch, no one likes a victim blaming little bitch.