To be honest that is. I mean I didn't really wanna say that my first time was rape when I mentioned it on here a while back, because it felt disgusting to think of it that way and I never really wanted to admit it. So me and him were in a motel together with no where else to go and it was night. I was far from home at the moment too. So what else could I do? I wasn't even feeling that well that night either. I'm sure he should of been able to tell. Then all of a sudden he asks if I wanted to cuddle and kiss on the bed so I said "Okay" and then he asked if I wanted to "Do it" after we kissed a bit. For some reason the kiss didn't feel right and it wasn't that stimulating at all. I mean is a kiss really supposed to feel that spongy? Are you really supposed to suck on someones lips so much like he did mine? It felt like a suction cup. How are lips suppose to even feel? I mean he was my first and only kiss up until now. So maybe I was too scared and sick to even be able to enjoy it. Plus afterwards him wanting sex and me never even asking for it. Anyway I kind of agreed nervously most likely when he asked if I wanted to "Do it", but in a way I was kind of afraid that I had to agree So I just did while I was still scared at the same time and probably not really even ready. You know of course it's probably going to hurt the female on her first time so of course I kept having to push him off and scoot away, but he really didn't wanna stop. He just told me to "Come on. Once it's in it'll feel really good." though it didn't even afterwards. The sex wasn't soft and passionate like we agreed to before we did it. It was supposed to be a loving type of sex, but it didn't feel that way at all. Lastly of all though, I'm a bit Autistic with Aspergers Syndrome. So you know how people with Autism are. I couldn't even hardly speak and I was so shy when he was asking for and initiating sex with me. So I'm mostly just nodding and saying "Yes" really quietly and timidly as he took advantage of me. So I don't know this is probably rape isn't it? Especially since I have Autism too probably and he knew I did and well he had ADHD.