I think I might be in an abusive friendship/relationship

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by SarahBear2010, May 1, 2011.

  1. SarahBear2010

    SarahBear2010 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2010
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    Is this the "honeymoon phase" or whatever you wanna call it. When we ended , he gave me the guilt trip. Then I took the initiative to get back with him out of guilt and missing him.

    Since we got back together a few times, he has been more talkative, loving and we even had sex which was waaayyyy out of the blue. He even said "I love you first" when I usually say it first

    When we are together, he wants to know exactly when I'm working, what my plans are, my whereabouts etc.

    I don't ever contact him first anymore because I feel like he will go away eventually.
    He
    He is an alcoholic. He tells me he doesn't do drugs anymore. His actions/behavior tells me otherwise like wanting money.

    He knows I'm naive and will believe anything he says

    I don't think it will get worse because I only hear from him every so often.
     
  2. nurseharley

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2010
    Messages:
    1,618
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    sweet home...
    take the advice from a former gf of an alcoholic:

    get the hell away from him. change your number. ignore him. do whatever you can to not give him any attention.

    and DON'T give him money!
     
  3. docpete

    docpete New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2011
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Buffalo, NY
    Dump him, you can not cure alcoholics
     
  4. Kermit

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2010
    Messages:
    1,950
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sesame Street
    Yeah asking for money is not part of a 12 step program. You are not an ATM you are a human being
     
  5. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2010
    Messages:
    791
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    end game
     
  6. Moon

    Moon New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2011
    Messages:
    275
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sarah, read your post back out loud to yourself, imagine someone else wrote it, what would you tell her?
     
  7. gyfo

    gyfo New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2011
    Messages:
    160
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South Africa
    Don't stick around.. As we say here dust him! Sounds like a good for nothing leach.

    I grew up in an alcoholic environment. And as a result I don't touch drink out of fear ill end up like my dad. You'll have much less stress without him. Put yourself first for a change.
     
  8. Untamed

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2010
    Messages:
    2,168
    Likes Received:
    331
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Talk it over with him and let him know that you're not liking the direction the relationship is heading. Depending on his reaction make your decision.

    My parents were alcoholics.. and are no longer. It's a lie that you can't cure an alcoholic. *that said it was mainly due to the loss of their son.

    Ask him why he drinks,what he's gaining from it? and tell him how it's effecting your relationship. A lot of people drink due to certain circumstances.. emotional drinking some would call it.

    If he gets offended by these questions.. don't bother with him.
     
  9. Beach

    Beach New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2009
    Messages:
    858
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FLA
    *this

    These Kiwi people know their stuff ! :p

    Edit- Ill have to say the picture u painted Sarah is pretty bleak honestly. Tread with caution
     
    #9 Beach, May 1, 2011
    Last edited: May 1, 2011
  10. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,094
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    You got the same advice five months ago:

    http://www.sexualforums.com/28499-not-sure-what-to-do.html

    You are in an exploitive relationship and you need some support to help you get out of it. Sometimes a person can't do it alone. It happens--it's pretty common actually. I don't know about your personal life, so I don't know what kind of support system you have--family, friends, counseling through work or school. But whatever you have, use it. Do this with somebody at your side.
     
  11. SarahBear2010

    SarahBear2010 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2010
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    That's the first of hearing that type of relationship. I looked up some info online and what I found was about kids
     
    #11 SarahBear2010, May 1, 2011
    Last edited: May 1, 2011
  12. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,094
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    I've removed this comment. Never mind. Consider my previous post.
     
  13. Chronichaze

    Chronichaze New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2011
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Downtown Denver
    You know this and yet your still interested in him? That says a lot
     
  14. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    That's because you're naive and will believe anything he says.

    .
    .
    .


    I also remember being among the people who gave you the same advice a while back.
     
  15. Hot Wheels

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2006
    Messages:
    3,415
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney,Australia
    Reread this post Sarah.....and when you've finished, read it again.
    It's 100% good advice.....
     
  16. CruelTease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    448
    Likes Received:
    168
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
    You wanted our advice before when he was clearly using you, but it seems you didn't take it. Are you going to stop justifying his behaviour & start taking on our advice this time?
     
  17. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Exactly, this is a re-run. Re-read the original while you're at it. If you expect our opinions will change, given the same circumstances, you are asking the wrong group. Must of the people here have a fairly good understanding of how life works, and have abandoned wishful thinking as a strategy.
     
  18. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    RED FLAGS! Get away from him!