I apologise for the potentially graphic information... A couple of days ago I fooled around with an acquaintance in a hotel room which was booked by his workplace for business-related reasons. It was for the intention for sex-education, except without the sex. Prior to this I've been really inexperienced - I've only experienced oral sex and I've only done that with him. He's my first and only (so far) sexual partner. Things heated up pretty quickly and we were dry humping. A condom was put on (solely for educational purposes - I wanted to know how to put one on, and nothing else)... and I couldn't keep my arousal levels under control and I asked if we could try partial penetration, thinking that I would remain a virgin. I asked him as well, and he said I'd remain a virgin. I had NO intentions to have sex, and if I knew that partial penetration = loss of virginity, I wouldn't have done it at all. Afterwards I still felt like a "virgin" and the feeling was great, but soon after reading posts and researching a bit... I don't think I am anymore, since there was penile-vaginal penetration. The thing is that it was only the tip of the penis that entered and it only lasted for around thirty seconds or less. I've spoken to the acquaintance about it, and he tells me that I haven't actually lost my virginity because of the slight penetration and the time period - he said he didn't classify it as sexual intercourse... And I know he isn't saying this to reassure me because I know he's the type to tell me upstraight, regardless of whether it hurts my feelings or not. I've been really depressed over this situation. I know it sounds really silly, but I've been crying over it and it just feels like I've lost something so easily, so casually. And without thinking and just not being aware of it, I guess. Which is ironic because a) I'm an atheist and b) Prior to researching this I felt really happy and felt completely fine. I don't understand why this is bumming me out so much, but I can only assume that it's because it's nothing that I assume it would be... For one thing I didn't bleed, and for another it didn't hurt at all - during and afterwards. If anything, being penetrated with two fingers hurt a lot more. Another reason why I'm being bummed about this is because I don't see it as losing my virginity at all because I had no intentions to have sex - before, during and after the meeting - because I knew wasn't ready. Hell, I even refused to strip off all my clothes with him; I kept my dress on. But the fact that it seems like most people think that partial penetration is losing one's virginity... well, I suppose I did lose it. My post here is looking for just some advice and... well, some comfort I suppose. I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone I know. I've been thinking about this too much that I've placed myself in a rather emotional state. I can't help but feel worthless and a slut, to be honest... And I just wanted to also ask if full penetration would feel different as opposed to partial penetration. Gah, I wish I wasn't such a fucking idiot.