I... think I lost my "virginity". *Sigh*

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by IDK., Dec 10, 2009.

  1. IDK.

    IDK. New Member

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    I apologise for the potentially graphic information...

    A couple of days ago I fooled around with an acquaintance in a hotel room which was booked by his workplace for business-related reasons. It was for the intention for sex-education, except without the sex. Prior to this I've been really inexperienced - I've only experienced oral sex and I've only done that with him. He's my first and only (so far) sexual partner. Things heated up pretty quickly and we were dry humping. A condom was put on (solely for educational purposes - I wanted to know how to put one on, and nothing else)... and I couldn't keep my arousal levels under control and I asked if we could try partial penetration, thinking that I would remain a virgin. I asked him as well, and he said I'd remain a virgin. I had NO intentions to have sex, and if I knew that partial penetration = loss of virginity, I wouldn't have done it at all.

    Afterwards I still felt like a "virgin" and the feeling was great, but soon after reading posts and researching a bit... I don't think I am anymore, since there was penile-vaginal penetration. The thing is that it was only the tip of the penis that entered and it only lasted for around thirty seconds or less.

    I've spoken to the acquaintance about it, and he tells me that I haven't actually lost my virginity because of the slight penetration and the time period - he said he didn't classify it as sexual intercourse... And I know he isn't saying this to reassure me because I know he's the type to tell me upstraight, regardless of whether it hurts my feelings or not.

    I've been really depressed over this situation. I know it sounds really silly, but I've been crying over it and it just feels like I've lost something so easily, so casually. And without thinking and just not being aware of it, I guess. Which is ironic because

    a) I'm an atheist and
    b) Prior to researching this I felt really happy and felt completely fine.

    I don't understand why this is bumming me out so much, but I can only assume that it's because it's nothing that I assume it would be... For one thing I didn't bleed, and for another it didn't hurt at all - during and afterwards. If anything, being penetrated with two fingers hurt a lot more. Another reason why I'm being bummed about this is because I don't see it as losing my virginity at all because I had no intentions to have sex - before, during and after the meeting - because I knew wasn't ready. Hell, I even refused to strip off all my clothes with him; I kept my dress on. But the fact that it seems like most people think that partial penetration is losing one's virginity... well, I suppose I did lose it.

    My post here is looking for just some advice and... well, some comfort I suppose. I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone I know. I've been thinking about this too much that I've placed myself in a rather emotional state. I can't help but feel worthless and a slut, to be honest...

    And I just wanted to also ask if full penetration would feel different as opposed to partial penetration.

    Gah, I wish I wasn't such a fucking idiot.
     
  2. heelfetish

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    Penis in vagina = sexual intercourse, by definition. The depth of the penetration or the duration of the sex does not really matter. Personally, I'm struggling to understand this 'educational' meeting of sorts. Your description does not sound at all like two young lovers experimenting with sex for the first time. Frankly, I don't know how I would classify the encounter.

    Having sex does not make you a slut, nor does losing ones virginity. 'Slut' is such an ugly word, isn't it?

    Your feelings of regret are not uncommon, but there's no sense crying over spilled milk. It's time to put the past behind you and look forward.
     
  3. igor

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    I'll let the females on here respond to your concerns but I must say that the length of time of penetration has absolutely nothing to do with it. He either entered you or he did not.
     
  4. Dreama

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    I don't understand what you're so upset about. Who cares if you're technically a virgin or not?Nobody else does, and you seemed ready for the experience that took place, whether it was the momentous 'loosing your virginity' event or not. If you are happy with the experience, then you should be happy with yourself. Not being a virgin isn't anything to be sad about, if you were a willing participant.
     
  5. heelfetish

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    I wholeheartedly agree.
     
  6. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Keep in mind that most women do not bleed with they lose their virginity and sometimes it doesn't hurt. I concur with previous posters in that I don't understand why you feel so depressed about this. Having sex is the most natural thing in the world. Were you saving yourself for marriage or something?
     
  7. buddy0975

    buddy0975 Member

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    This whole thing doesn't make much sense to me.

    "Educational purposes" is where you lost me already. Because you don't sound young, and this sounds like a very immature "meeting". I don't understand how 2 adults can know so little about sex that they have to have educational meetings, let alone try to rationalize what is or isn't sex.

    Let alone, there's no such thing as partial penetration. You're either penetrating something or you're not. If he's inside you, he's inside you. He can't be partially inside you. That's not how it works.

    I don't understand what you're upset about. Unless you were saving yourself for marriage, you sound like you were ready to have sex, but now are regretting it for some reason that you're not admitting to yourself, and you're trying to rationalize ways around what you've done. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
     
  8. IDK.

    IDK. New Member

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    Sorry for the late reply, but I've had more thought to it and I suppose I'm not as hung up over this now. Thank you for your responses though.

    I'm 18 and the person I was with was twice my age. I've never had any sexual experience before him, so that's why it was like "sex ed". I hope I make sense here. I'm not saving myself for marriage - not at all. It's the guilt that comes with losing my virginity prior to being in any committed relationship that gets to me. And just the fact that it didn't/doesn't feel like I lost it; mind you, I wasn't expecting it to be romantic or the like. Just that realisation that I lost it.
     
  9. Dreama

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    Well, there are plenty of people who lose it when they're not in a committed relationship. There is nothing wrong with that.
     
  10. emsemtb

    emsemtb New Member

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    Ok, I can agree with all the statements prior to this, but by medical definition, one is no longer a virgin if there has in fact been penis to vagina penetration. But the reasons as to why it didnt hurt could be many fold. If that is something that you were expecting, then I would have expected you to have lived a very sheltered life and wearing a hand me down woolly black dress. But I assume that you are not, so look at it like this. If you enjoy horseback riding, that could have broken your hymen ages ago, hence no pain and no bleeding. Crotch shot is another way, the way that your hymen could have broken are endless. I am not female, but from having been in the medical industry, or somewhat attached due to my family, for pretty much m entire life, I assure you that it would have hurt a great deal, and there would have been bleeding if your partner had in fact ruptured your hymen. As to why two fingers might hurt more, that could be caused by lack of lube or even a misshaped finger nail that is catching. But trust me on this, at least you experimented with a trusted partner, rather than go out to a party, get slipped something and end up being raped. I know that is a harsh statement, but as an EMT, I am privy to alot of rape situations, especially around this time of year.
     
  11. Bohohippy

    Bohohippy New Member

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    Was the virginity skin broken? <-- don't know what else to call it =]
     
  12. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Here in Sweden it's officially been decided to call the hymen the "vaginal corona." Lol. However, as a previous poster stated, nowadays it's very common for a woman's hymen to be broken long before she has sexual intercourse. It's so common in fact that the lack of an intact hymen can no longer be considered a definite indication that one has lost one's virginity. Additionally, some women are born without hymens.

    It's really too bad that there's still so much importance placed on one tiny fragile flap of tissue that many a woman has opted for having hymen reconstruction surgery prior to getting married, just to give her husband the illusion that she's a virgin and the opportunity to deflower her on their wedding night. Complete rubbish.
     
  13. MrFusion

    MrFusion New Member

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    It seems like you are defining virginity as a binary thing - you either are or you aren't - and that's fine.

    The big deal is why you feel you aren't ok with your status? Were you hoping it was going to be all "movie magical' and such? Rarely is it ever this way.

    I realize some people wear their V-Card like a badge of honour, however you seem to be going either way on this. You seem to want to lose it, but you want to hold on to it so you now find yourself in this gray area.

    I will say once you officially resign yourself to the fact that you have lost it, life becomes a little easier and MUCH more fun :)